So I’ve got some morning rituals. I think we all do. And one that we all have is answering that call to nature. Following is an post of TMI.
Leaving the bedroom light out as not to disturb the wife or dogs, I groggily meander into the dark bathroom bumping into the doorframe as I go. Close the door and flip on the light. Ow my eyes! They burn! I’m meeelting. So I wasn’t quite ready for that.
For those of you that may not know this, boys pee standing up but they don’t have to. Girls pee sitting down but they don’t have to. Today I chose to stand. For the ladies that might not know, various factors in the morning contribute to the importance of aiming. Hmm. Factors aside aiming is important. Each guy has a preference to the hand that aims which is probably their dominent hand. What is key is that once you start it is difficult to stop until you are done. You know, open the flood gates and until the river is drained the gates don’t close. And no, pinching only gives a temporary reprieve. Another juicy tidbit to know is that guys can aim with their eyes closed.
My eyes open simultaneously as I start into one of those impressive “this is going to take forever” moments. Slowly my vision comes into focus. Next I utter “what the hell?” and almost miss my target with the accompanying jolt to full awakeness. There as I look down, just above the stream and other familar sights is something most unusal…and glimmering pink! My thumbnail has been painted!
My first response is the desire to angrily rouse the wife and ask, “What’s this about?!” but I’m a captive audience. Second response is laughter. Third response is revenge. Perhaps I should put on some of her delicates and paint my other nails then when she wakes say, “honey, we need to talk…” No. I have meetings today.
I know why this happened. She has trouble getting to sleep and I can turn off like a light switch and obviously deeply. I bet she wanted to talk (and my fantastical mind will imagine she wanted to do more than talk..perhaps she even invited a friend over).
Moral of the story? Coffee before bed!