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Juggling

Nude Chainsaw Juggler

That reminds me of one of my own juggling experiences. I once lived in a building that had 4 apartments in it. If you were facing the building mine was on the lower right. The neighbors directly above me were a nice, very straight-laced, professional couple and the two apartments on the other side of the building changed tenants rapidly. Behind the apartment was a huge, flat backyard, large enough for football games, with dense trees separating the yard from the neighborhood behind the apartments and two farms were on the sides.

I enjoyed the yard much. It was good for practicing clubs but I only once ever practiced torches in that yard.

When I decided to purchase a house I started shopping around for loans. Turns out the wife of the upstairs neighbor worked in the loan department of a bank I used. While we were discussing income sources I was grasping for every possible dime and mentioned that I occasionally juggle for money. She lit up and said, “Oh! I saw you juggle torches the other night!” Nothing more was said of the juggling but I had to laugh pretty hard once I left the office. See, at the time my drinking had slowed but my college habit was still to drink to excess. That one time which I juggled torches in that yard I had become quite inebriated and in my drunkness was juggling torches completely nude.

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Save your freedom!

You currently have the freedom to speak.. Time to use that freedom!

If you are a resident of Kansas, Utah, Ohio, Missouri, Maine, Nebraska, Georgia, Virginia, West Virginia, Michigan, California, Oregon, Indiana, Maryland, or New Jersey, your senator is on the committee reviewing this bill in a closed session on Thursday. Don’t let it get out committee. Write your senator to oppose the bill today!”

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To snip, or not to snip

That is the question. I tried to place myself in my son’s shoes but he doesn’t have any yet and that’s good because I have a feeling passing a baby through the birth canal is difficult enough without footwear. So I imagined him entering the world and crying at the sudden coldness and disquieting quantity of elbow room. Immediately after he begins to pull himself together he catches a glimpse of his cone shaped head in the mirror, laughs in a surprisingly awkward way, glances at Mom’s breast and declares, “must consume large quantities!” Then his foot is painfully pricked and bent as some of his precious blood is stolen away. Then I imagined the circumcision. After recovering consciousness I thought about it again. Arising from passing out a second time I wisely decided not to think about it anymore.