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"Murphy was an optimist!"

Squirrels in the Attic – update February 1, 2008 11:19 am

Posted by Doug McCaughan in : Daily Life, House, Of Being Dad, Pets
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I put a live trap in the attic to catch the squirrels and move them to another part of town. After I feel sure that I have them out, I’m going to seal up the hole they are using to get into the attic. I have been warned that someone who sealed his attic prematurely ended up with $2000 in damages in one day. That person removed the adults but was unaware of the babies in the nest. Now I am a bit concerned about the same situation. When do squirrels make babies?

During LOST last night we heard rustling in the vicinity of the live trap. Bingo! I was certain we’d captured our first squirrel. Cathy, concerned for its well-being, encouraged me to go check on it (immediately after I had made a bowl of ice cream). I climb into the attic. You cannot stand in our attic. Every 16 inches, maybe 22 inches, there is another truss so you are hunched over awkwardly squeezing through these triangles while inhaling the asbestos fibers floating in the air from disturbing the insulation put up there decades ago. I usually go up with a breathing mask but its buried in the mess in the garage. I work my way down 9.144 meters* to where I have the trap. As I approach the thumbing of an irritated squirrel gets louder and louder as if to say, "My territory and your slow dumb indefensible butt came up here with nothing but flashlight!" I get about 3.6 meters* from the nest when I see th trap is empty and unsprung. And when I say empty, I mean no squirrel and no bait! All I did was feed it! I’m thinking it is time to install a squirrel cam in the attic and stream it over the Internet.

*Conversion courtesy of Onlineconversion.com.

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1. Eric - February 2, 2008

… Sir, I have a shotgun if you need to borrow one…….

2. Doug McCaughan - February 2, 2008

Cathy won’t even let me take the BB gun up there. I wonder if she’ll let me take the Airsoft pistol.

3. Eric - February 3, 2008

…. well, then… perhaps I can loan you one of my cats for a weekend…… I assure you that they’ll take care of the problem just as long as you climb up into the attic and pet them once in a while…… hey, you can even have a choice!…. grey tiger-striped or short-haired jet-black……. both of them would serve you quite well in your current situation……

4. Doug McCaughan - February 3, 2008

I don’t know. After this incident (just to about 3/4 of the way through), and with the writer’s strike possibly ending, I’ve begun talks with National Lampoon and Orion Pictures for "TennesseeShack, The Other Side of CaddyShack’s Spectrum where we’ve traded preppy golfers for hillbiilies and rednecks" (that’s just the working title of course) Bill Murray seems interested and so does Chevy but they don’t want to be on the set together.