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Claiming your kidnapped child on your taxes

Folks, as tax season closes up many of us may rush through doing our taxes to meet the April 15th deadline. I wanted to point out a couple of details about your kidnapped child. Remember, if you plan on claiming your kidnapped child as a dependent, make sure that the kidnapper is not someone in your family or the child’s family (I’m not terribly clear on how the two are differentiated). Also, the child must have lived with you for at least one half of the portion of the year that they were actually with you. And remember, the child can no longer be claimed a dependent the year after they would have become 18 years of age because, well, they’re not with you and they are adults which makes them emancipated…they’ll claim themselves. For the actual IRS language, see Topic 357 – Tax Information for Parents of Kidnapped Children Last Reviewed or Updated: November 25, 2008. Those people at fairtax.org just haven’t thought about all the possibilities that Uncle Sam has already covered for us!

This post with apologies to anyone who actually has a kidnapped child.

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Twitter Size Does(n’t) Matter

Twitter ranking and stat programs come and go. In Knoxville I’m not even on the charts but in Knoxville, TN I’m ranked #11 (falling fast! Was 5th not long ago.). It’s all non-sense. Twitter’s value has nothing to do with how large someone’s arbitrary algorithm chooses to inflate your ego. Twitter’s value comes from how you choose to use it. So why am I jealous that my wife’s e-penis is almost twice the size (26.35cm) of mine (14.32cm)?

Warning! Clicking through to e-penis is going to show a cartoonish picture of a man’s thang.

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I’m Dead

As I work through the disorder in my office and wrangle it back under control, I have come to realize I am dead. I know this because if I was going to create Hell for an OCD person, it would look a whole lot like my life! Not saying I’m obsessive compulsive. I just like things to have a home and be in their place. I figure I died in high school. I drove a little dangerously..no..a lot dangerously and was very lucky. I only had one accident and I thought I survived. Things are a little fuzzy and hard to remember back then and I suppose that has something to do with the dying. So, now that I acknowledge that I am dead and that this is a made up reality, can whatever greater power put me here please wiggle your nose and have everything instantly collated and filed?! Oh, and while you’re at it please get my taxes done. Thanks.

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Don’t Panic!

Probably the greatest words Douglas Adams wrote were "Don’t Panic!" and that man wrote a lot of great words. We accomplish nothing when fear and panic dominate our thoughts. A deer in the headlights is a dead deer. We must look away. Today I am drawn and quartered. Conflicting priorities all demand my attention leaving me unable to address any of them. I declare today administrative day! I will focus on no more than a 16inch by 11inch surface at a time. I will pickup and either act on, file or throw away everything I touch. I will think only of the task at hand. I have phone calls to make but not until I have some paper in order. Did that wall just inch closer to me?