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Snot, Wet Wipes and Frost

When you are pulling into the carpool line as your child is supposed to be entering the building to avoid a tardy, it is not a good time to look over your shoulder and discover that last night he invoked his super powers and is still wearing his secret identity of Booger Boy! It is a worse time to realize that leaving a package of wet wipes in the car in below freezing temperatures produces a solid brick of cleaning that would be better suited for self-defense or vandalism than nose restoration. Thank goodness someone left that used napkin in the floor board!

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The Internet’s Lowest Common Denominator

I have reduced the Internet!

To consume all knowledge on the Internet, you only need four sites:

That’s all you need! Granted, there are some sites that make the Internet a little more fun. Hundreds. For instance, Facebook has some value in that, "don’t make me think" kind of prime time comedy hour thing. Seesmic is a great aggregator for viewing your social networks in a single place. For getting links and news, the only aggregator ever needed (and this is huge geek crack so if you have no self-control stay away from it!) is Popurls. That’s about it. Sure, you should look in on Flickr once in a while but nothing else is really needed. Of course, there’s some utilitarian stuff like banking and travel sites but really…the Internet has come down to 4 sites. You’re welcome.

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How children make us stronger adults

It’s a beautiful day. Snow has blanketed the landscape. The roads are solid white but schools are not canceled. I’ve been fighting insomnia for the past two nights and I am weary. If I can only get the children to school, I can rest my head a bit and still put in enough hours for my clients today. I drag myself upstairs to find my adorable little girl in the hallway, "good morning!" "Dad, I threw up."

She was good to me and made it to the bathroom so clean up consisted of a flush and a mouth washing. I settle her into our bed where mom can protect her and I take the five year old boy to school all the while covering up my thoughts of lazily sleeping in with the deception of being a good dad offering comfort to the sick child, "Mom and I will lay here and keep you safe." Integrity traded for another half hour of hiding under the covers! But alas…

Upon my return, my groggy wife is upstairs. "Your daughter threw up in our bed." My first thought, "oh poor child!" My second thought, "Wife is upstairs. Maybe her side of the bed is still clean." But no, by my daughter’s special encouragement, I remain a responsible, awake adult and head off to my client’s office [to sleep under the desk].

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Oy vey! My daughter is Jewish!

Despite her grandparents regularly taking her to a Baptist church on Sundays and her boyfriend introducing her to the Methodist church which they regularly attended on Wednesdays, I’ve just realized that my eldest daughter is Jewish. See, she drives a car that burns oil, feh!, and I’m quite certain that it ran out weeks ago…yet it still runs!

Happy Hanukkah! Shalom.

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Of Being Dad

No one said it would be easy. Being a father is a fantastic thing. One of my best friends once told me, "you’re not a real man until you have children" and I, childless at the time, thought he was being a little to narrow in his definition. I get what he was saying now. I could write a dissertation off his simple statement. However, for the moment, suffice it to say that children grow you as a person. Unfortunately, it seems this growth takes about 20 years which is probably part of why grandparents are so much better with children than parents; aside from the fact that "the kids go home."

Sometimes, your word choices don’t match your actions. You feel stupid as you lose your temper with a child and shout, "quit being so angry!" or something akin to that. But it happens. And you paint yourself into a corner. You start down a path and almost as the words roll off your tongue your argument with/discipline of the child becomes about "how do I back out of this?!" Words can be like knives. Word choices can inflict as much pain and damage as physical abuse. As parents, it is important that we truly think before we speak or act. And perhaps, before giving that child a timeout, we should give ourselves one first. This morning, overtired and with a head cold but without an excuse, I should have given myself a timeout and didn’t.