Reality Me » Amy

From the mouths of babes

Doug McCaughan — Sat, 16 Jan 2010 18:15:08 +0000

Amy, 7.5 years: "Evan’s got a bloody nose!"
Evan, 4.5 years: "Dad! My nose is bleeding!"
Evan: "Oh, it’s just a boogie."

Amy’s Christmas Present

Doug McCaughan — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 14:38:39 +0000

Amy wants a puppy for Christmas but we already have two large German Shepherds so I’m getting her this instead:

Picture borrowed from Picture is Unrelated without permission.

Science!

Doug McCaughan — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 14:10:00 +0000

As I held infant Amy, rocking her to sleep, I’d talk to her and tell her how much I looked forward to having conversations together. You know the joke: We spend the first part of their lives teaching them how to talk and the rest of their lives trying to get them to shut up. As I held infant Evan, rocking him to sleep, I’d have the same discussion. Eventually they did learn to talk and we’ve had some fascinating conversations.

Today Amy, 7 years old, asked, "What is radioactivity? Is it bad?" So I proceeded to talk to Amy about radio waves, the visual spectrum, light, ear drums, we drew an atom, and a water molecule. She listened and questioned and conjectured. That was fun!

Parenting Tip #423: Use a tape recorder to record a minute of your infant’s sounds every week. Their noises change from week to week and you will enjoy listening to the tape when they are older. Also, they love to hear their own noises so that tape in a Playskool tape player (vintage? Okay.. get a digital recorder) is good for about 20 minutes of babysitting or so I am told. This was some advice from a friend that I failed to follow with some regrets.

How cold is it?

Doug McCaughan — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 12:20:11 +0000

It’s so cold that my lip froze to my coffee mug while waiting at the bus stop with Amy.

The Magic is Gone

Doug McCaughan — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 01:46:00 +0000

One of the thrills of the single digits is raiding my desk. Often I come down to find my organized chaos in a disarray. To Amy and Evan my clutter is their treasure trove, as it should be, so I try to keep it child friendly. I fidget with my magic from time to time. My nickel to dimes trick currently lives on my desk in a ziplock bag so the money doesn’t accidentally get spent. I found the ziplock open. The nickles and dimes are accounted for but a critical piece of the trick has gone missing. Nevermind…I’m stupid. This reminds me of the time I purchased my first rainbow rod. I was in Disney World and the magician at the magic shoppe performed the trick so well that I understood exactly what to do. I purchased my own. I was so excited that back the hotel I pulled the wand from its container and tossed the instructions aside. I had enough prop magic to understand how these worked. I did exactly like the performer from the magic shoppe and my heart wrenched from my chest as I immediately broke the wand! The result of my actions had produce an outcome unlike anything the magician had done. It was totally unexpected and nothing I did seemed to fix it. That is, until I read the instructions and laughed myself to tears. So, the nickel and dime trick…it’s kinda like that.

Of Being Dad – Do what you say

Doug McCaughan — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 11:45:43 +0000

One of my mantras is "Say what you are going to do then do what you say." A child never forgets. If you promise a child you will do something, do it! Our calendars says that the movie Up is released on DVD today. When we saw Up in the theaters, I promised Amy she and I would go see the 3-D version as a father/daughter date. Life got in the way. The movie came and went. And today, she reminded me that I failed to deliver on that promise. Not a good feeling.

Clot II – Return of the Nosebleed

Doug McCaughan — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 06:52:50 +0000

Producer: Amy
Lead role: Amy
Supporting cast: Dad
Clot summary: At 2:30am, 7 year old girl will erupt from bed with nose gushing blood leaving small drip on favorite pink pillow and a bit of a puddle on the sheets. She will try to deal with the problem herself by sitting on the toilet (lid down) and rocking in a half daze to make sure that blood drips cover as much of the wooden, where linoleum was before the dogs tore it up, bathroom floor as possible. Only when nose bleed subsides will she wander downstairs to rouse the sleeping father who will don his bio-hazard suit and begin to console the weary child…
Planned releases: Rumor has it that Colt III – Revenge of the O Positive is in production and scheduled for an early release.

From the mouths of babes

Doug McCaughan — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 22:49:06 +0000

I dropped the milk. The cap popped off and poured all over the floor.

Me: "DAMMIT!"
Evan, 4 years old: "Dad said dammit."
Mom: * gives Dad eyeballs *
Amy, 7 years old: "Moooom! Evan said dammit!"
Evan: "No, Dad said dammit."
Amy: "Don’t say dammit."
Noah, 13 years old: "Evan, don’t say that. It’s a dirty word."
Evan: "No! Dammit. Dammitdammitdammitdamitdamitdamitdamtdatmdaaaaammmmmmmit!"
Mom: covering her face in towels to hide her laughter.
Dad: hiding in the fridge unable to breath laughing.

Uncle already! I get the message. Mouth meet soap.

From the mouths of babes

Doug McCaughan — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 21:43:28 +0000

Amy, 7 years old: "I’m not going in my room because Sarah is asleep in there."
Me: "Sarah isn’t in the house."
Amy: "Then what’s that big lump in the bed?"
Me: "Personally, I wouldn’t call my mother a big lump."

Amy loves the nurse’s office

Doug McCaughan — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 19:32:43 +0000

School began yesterday with a half day. Today was the first full day. Amy came home to cheerfully report falling off the monkey bars and getting to spend time in the nurses office with an ice pack made out of a rubber glove. I should start a poll to see who can guess how many visits Amy will have to the nurses office this year.

From the mouths of babes

Doug McCaughan — Sun, 16 Aug 2009 23:54:33 +0000

Amy went to the hardware store as my assistant.

Me: "Let’s get back home and do some plumbing!"
Amy, 7 year old wise beyond her years: "It’d be easier to hire a plumber."

The soil 3 feet from my stoop

Doug McCaughan — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 01:20:38 +0000

An hour ago, stepping out my front door included having your ankles swarmed by 100 mosquitoes, a dead bird, and enough landmines to give a Vietnam vet flashbacks. I relented. Determined to rid myself of the mosquitoes I pondered ripping out the entire front porch. Instead I looked under it. A dog toy in the shape of a tire..holding water. 5 planters holding dirt and water..no plants. Some plastic cups..lazy children. Toys and trash.

One can of back yard fogger later, the mosquitoes have cleared out enough for me to work. Under the porch is now clear. And the bird is buried with enough dog and cat manure that I’m sure we’ll grow a new one quickly. I’m know it will grow. The ground seems fertile. My 7 year old girl found the remains of a potato filled with airsoft pellets hanging from the branch of a tree. It had a couple of sprouts so she took the target and buried it 3 feet from the stoop. We now have a healthy looking potato garden standing about a foot high. Imagine the convenience! Two steps to dinner!

frustrationfrustraTIONfruSTRAIONFRUSRATION!

Doug McCaughan — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 18:45:03 +0000

I’ve spent the day trying to accomplish something that should have taken 40 minutes and is preventing me from doing the things I really want to be doing today. Something that I’m not even getting paid for. I feel that I’ve been constantly interrupted. At one point I declared, "I’m taking the next 40 minutes and finishing this" during which time I was interrupted 3 times. So finally a crisis hit. Minor. The 7 year old, the 4 year old, and the dog went missing in the creek. Normally this would not be a big deal but we’ve had substantial rain these past couple of days. Also, I believe there is a sinkhole in the creek that the children do not know about. It’s mostly covered with debris right now. It’s not really on my property and I’ve been wanting to clear the debris away to see if it is the entrance to the rumored cave that is supposedly nearby. Right now, I simply know that water flows into the ground through the debris at that point and I don’t want the children near it. So I channeled Coach Boomer (which I only now realized is one of my heroes, Bruce Campbell!) for some echo location and proceeded to be anything except that great TV dad that I so aspire to be. Several tears later, everyone is safe but mad at me. And I feel like crud.

You can’t watch them all the time

Doug McCaughan — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 13:01:14 +0000

I caught the seven year old giving the four year old a wedgie. This is one of those moments I feel for single parents because I could not respond rationally and had to tag myself out calling in the second parent. With Cathy’s help we try to convey that this breaks the "no touching between belly button and knees" rule. The question of concern is not why would you do this? but who did this to you? because obviously she learned it from someone. In my head I jump to the worst case scenarios and am horrified. I run down her list of friends and think of the opportunities where inappropriate play could be happening. We probe without making accusations. Amy relents and claims she didn’t learn it from anyone. Then why would she do it? This morning while watching the cartoon network with Amy and Evan, I have an epiphany; She learned it from television.

Away with no cellphone signal

Doug McCaughan — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 17:32:59 +0000

The 13 year old boy left this morning for a week of adventure including fishing, orienteering, rock climbing, wilderness survival, and canoeing at Boy Scout Camp Daniel Boone. The 7 year old girl left a few minutes ago for 3 days of adventure at Girl Scout Camp Tanasi. They are both thrilled. I wish I could be with them to see their happiness, watch them work through their fears and learning, hear their giggles, and to get some camping in myself. I know they will both have a fantastic time!

Sarah comforting Amy during Amy’s first trip to Tanasi