Obviously, I don’t get my children out enough.

There are hiccups of course. Today, I dropped him at his stop and received a phone call once I was on the interstate, "Dad, I forgot my wallet." I turned around and picked him up. We drove home and he ran into the house, returning with his wallet. He accompanies me to Mojoe’s Trailside Coffeehouse and enjoys a frozen mango something or other while I drink a red eye and the both of us explain the STEM academy to the owner. Eventually, I give Noah the option of hopping on the bus at a nearby stop or having me drop him off. He opts to be dropped off at the school.

Later I’m talking with my wife and she asks, "Did you know that Noah forgot his bus pass today?" Of course, I brought him home to get his wallet. She replies, "but his pass is still in yesterday’s pants…" Good thing I didn’t leave him at that second bus stop!

Video source: WBIR.

Noah, 14 years old, last night: "Hey! The van is clean!"

All this time I’ve been trying to figure out why teen minds turn off; I should have realized they’re just lagged.

Me, rejoicing that my saw actually does cut the angels I need.
Evan, 5 years old: "Did you know you’re talking to yourself?"

This feels familiar almost like an 8th grade winter ritual.

If you’re gonna to be dumb, you gotta be tough. [Source]

Me: "DAMMIT!"
Evan, 4 years old: "Dad said dammit."
Mom: * gives Dad eyeballs *
Amy, 7 years old: "Moooom! Evan said dammit!"
Evan: "No, Dad said dammit."
Amy: "Don’t say dammit."
Noah, 13 years old: "Evan, don’t say that. It’s a dirty word."
Evan: "No! Dammit. Dammitdammitdammitdamitdamitdamitdamtdatmdaaaaammmmmmmit!"
Mom: covering her face in towels to hide her laughter.
Dad: hiding in the fridge unable to breath laughing.

Uncle already! I get the message. Mouth meet soap.

Yes, we have an electronic baby in the house this weekend. The irony is that Noah has probably changed more diapers and spent more baby time than many of his schoolmates ever will. If this is demented sex education lesson on abstinence, I give the schools an F because we don’t educate through fear and making the wonder of life a thing to dread. If the lesson is truly about the responsibility of caring for a child, I give this gadget an A+. This is a cool toy and Mattel had better step up because my 7 and 4 year old children are loving it! The diapers even have to be changed! Oh, I like the fact that there are no Caucasian electronic babies because I’m sure my son’s absentee interracial girlfriend is going to be quite the buzz at the inlaw’s church. I wonder if Noah will have the wherewithal to actually turn electrobabe into the daycare instead of carrying he/she/it into the teenager’s sanctuary.

Update: I just learned that the baby and Noah are more than a certain distance apart that the baby’s head explodes because Noah has an electronic wrist band secured to his wrist. Side note, you really should secure the bands a little tighter because I’m quite certain that I could slip it off Noah’s wrist so that he could help Evan get to sleep but no, we will be honest and I will take over for Noah tonight. Of course, I could get Evan to sleep easier if your do dad had a mute button! I must say that it is amusing watching Noah try to put electrobabe down long enough to play his video game only to have crying drag him away from the keyboard with a grin and an eyeroll.

Update: Electrobabe turned off about midnight. I have the sneaky suspicion the program was set up wrong and we’ll be seeing this child again.