Years ago, I would awaken at 4am and be at the gym by 5am. I would hit the dry sauna then stretch then run some laps, lift some weights, play racket ball, swim a few laps, and finish with some time in the steam room and a shower. It was a great way to start the day. I would finish each day meditating on the day’s events and the day to come and have 20 minutes of stretching. I never felt strong and more mentally fit in my life.
Now, my days start off with bemoaning the lights that automatically turn on at 5:30am and if the dogs and cats are on my legs using them as an excuse to stay under the warm covers another 30 minutes (let’s call that meditation). Then, maybe, I walk to the bus stop with the 9 year old but usually I negotiate with him to drive. I stand at my desk all day..er, most of the day. I do sit occasionally and in meetings. The aerobics come in the evening during the half a dozen or so trips I take up the stairs on errands for the wife or to investigate a bump in the night.
But today that changed! While getting the children’s morning routines started, I dropped to the floor for a set of 8 push ups. This confused Westley, the cat, who decided every time I went down to the floor, that he should head butt me. After 8 situps, I rolled over for 8 crunches to which the cat decided was acceptable but only if he rubbed his face against my cheek. When I turned over for another set of 8 pushups, the headbutting returned. Same with the crunches, more face rubbing and purring. Last, third, set of pushups included 8 more head butts; And the last set of crunches ended with face rubbing and purring. I suspect 20 minutes of stretching would produce a very confused cat. I slipped on some spandex just to make my buttocks sexy for the neighbors then ran around the block. Since I’m typing this, you know I didn’t die…but I gave it my all! Let’s do this again in another 15 years.
So I’m feeling a little down. Well, a lot down. Something uplifting for me is reading. So, I’m reading the Dresden Files. Jim Butcher’s first book in the series is Storm Front. I open to chapter 18 and read:
Have you ever felt despair? Absolute hopelessness? Have you ever stood in the darkness and known, deep in your heart, in your spirit, that it was never, ever going to get better?…
They say Xanax is addictive but I’ve found that once you hit 10mg you can stave off the desire to make the dosage higher by simply taking more frequent 10mg dosages throughout the day. Addiction averted!
"Happiness may have different meanings for different people. But we can all agree that it means working to end conflict, poverty and other unfortunate conditions in which so many of our fellow human beings live."
Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon
Message for the International Day of Happiness, 20 March 2014
There is an inexplicable weight to me today…a sadness out of nowhere for no reason. Perhaps this is a side affect of skipping my blood pressure medicine for the second day in a row. Perhaps this is a result of setting the bar too high for the weekend and my subconscious is lamenting the "failed" tasks. I believe weekends should be relaxing and recuperative but too often I pressure myself with unachievable mental todo lists which steal from the relaxing times. That doesn’t really fit the bill for this weekend. This weekend was relaxing and fantastic! Perhaps its my staticy headphones and poor music choices today. Perhaps I need a win. Micromilestones to the rescue!
My favorite condom company, Durex, is bringing us the future! There’s not a geek that since the time of 300 baud dial up and ascii port who has not imagined the possibly of combining a serial port and sex toys for long distance love. Durex has created Fundawear, a combination of vibrating underwear and iPhones for what Durex deems the ultimate in foreplay.
Frankly, Durex’s vision of touch over the Internet looks pretty fun. Looks targeted toward couples but the potential seems enormous for masturbation or enhancing the experience with those paid Internet porn cam sites. Imagine a single person on Chaturbate wearing these! I can see a new iPhone app now. "RandomVibe" with choices such as "Use BlueTooth to touch a stranger within 30 feet" making subway rides exciting or "Wifi a stranger on your network" making office romance safer or "Randomly touch someone on the Internet" for Worldgasms. Ah! What about one app that allowed you to touch multiple people for "the virtual orgy!" If the generation of free love thought the sex partiers of the 80s and 90s were strange and those generations found themselves envious of the past decade and a half or so of shrinking clothing, lycra, rainbow parties, and oral and anal are okay because I still have my virginity and can keep wearing my ring, their minds will melt with the potential for the next two generations of virtual, supersafe, sex.
Dear Lard which art in my belly, Harden be my arteries.
Thy heart attack come,
Thy fat be in views, as it is in muscle.
Give me this day my daily quarter pounder.
And forgive me this meal, as we forgive others.
The Golden Arches of temptation,
Deliver us early: into thine grave,
and the salt, oh the salt, high blood pressure.
"So, how’d you end up in Hell?" "Clogged arteries."
Yes, you can burn those bras with confidence. Sagging boobies? According to a 15-year study led by professor Jean-Denis Rouillon, your bra may be contributing to sagging breasts while not wearing a bra will help keep them…um, perky.
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