Reality Me

A juggling technophile shares personal stories, challenges, humor and perhaps some political commentary.

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"Murphy was an optimist!"

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Wearing a mic? Don’t say words that rhyme with duck! May 14, 2008 9:05 pm

Warning! Obscenities ahead:

Find the links and quotes on Mahalo. (And no, I don’t quite get Mahalo yet either but I was slow on the Twitter uptake too.)

The War of 2020 between China and the US May 7, 2008 5:06 pm

China wins!

You did know we are at war with China, didn’t you?

D.C. Madam “suicide” – Don’t these people watch movies? May 1, 2008 4:05 pm

When you heard that "[a] court had recently found Deborah Jeane Palfrey guilty of money laundering, racketeering and mail fraud in connection with a high-end prostitution ring operating in Washington D.C." [Source, Truemors], didn’t you just immediately wonder which senator was afraid of having his or her super kinky dungeon fantasies revealed?

Suicide notes were found near the body in a small storage shed next to a mobile home…Palfrey, 52, was reportedly staying at the home of her mother…Prosecutors estimated the sentence she would have likely received would have been…about six years…She argued it was a legitimate, legal escort service. [Source, CNN, 'D.C. Madam' found dead]

The low budget spy thriller writes itself.

I like robots March 21, 2008 11:16 am

Today’s Tinfoil Hat February 3, 2008 5:54 pm

3 critical cables mysteriously break and are blamed on ships. Video proves no ships were in the area. Iran loses 100% connectivity to the Internet. Does this sound right?

To me it sounds like AT&T is installing a secret room in the depths of the Mediterranean Sea!

Now for some US/Iran studies: If Iran Were America (And We Were Iran): A Timeline by J.L. Byran.

Update: Now the report says 5 cables have been cut.

Update: The secret room might look like NOAA’s Aquarius Undersea Lab.

Not in America! And Only in Knoxville… December 2, 2007 9:41 am

Does that suit drive you nuts? Would you like to be a little more casual? Perhaps the Audrey Underwear company is for you.

The Audrey Underwear company in Taiwan asked it’s 500 women employs in the firms head quarters to come to work in camisoles and knickers to celebrate record sales. … More than 90% of female workers reportedly went along with the spirit of the day and worked in their underwear. [Source]

This takes Half-nekkid Thursdays to a new level!

And Knoxville shows its butt on the news with a woman who wants her butt implants removed:

http://view.break.com/409510 – Watch more free videos

My penis is a mountain November 24, 2007 10:46 am

Last night at the Bearden Bulldogs vs Farragut Admirals football game, as the crowd stood respectfully as color guard brought in the American flag (and 3 others), Rocky Top blared from the speakers instead of the national anthem. Whoops! The crowd chuckled through the beginning of the actual national anthem. Why did they use a recording instead of having the two high school bands play? I wonder if they could have done it in sync.

Of course, the playing of the national anthem is not unique to sports events in the United States. Countries all around the world play their national anthem, and often a singer belts out the words. Croatia invited UK opera singer Tony Henry to perform their national anthem at the beginning of the Euro 2008 soccer tournament with Croatia vs England. He mispronounced a Croatian word (see the video) when trying to sing "we love your mountains" and instead announced to the crowd "my penis is a mountain." The Croatians believe the mistake relaxed the team enough to knock England out of the tournament with a 3-2 win for Croatia. They have since adopted Tony Henry, and his mountainous member, as their mascot.

(This post should pull in some interesting spam… )

My Famous Wife October 11, 2007 5:59 am

Cathy is quoted in the Knoxnews article How goes security in schools?.

“I like the SROs. They’re good people, and they give the students the sense of ‘somebody’s there and is keeping an eye out,’ ” said Cathy McCaughan, mother of students at Bearden middle and high schools.

But, she said, “I don’t know if they’re keeping an eye out for the kids so much (as) the vice principals’ disciplinary issues.”

Panic! September 13, 2007 4:32 pm

Don’t take hand lotion to the airports! Hand lotion is the next terror substance! Because..well..uh, terrorists have smooth hands? No, that can’t be it. Um… No..can’t publish that thougth.. that would take away the G rating of this blog? What’s that? I lost my G rating? Oh I never had one! So, Knoxville wants to be Boston?

A white substance left in a hospital emergency room, prompting a quarantine of the area may have been a hand lotion. [Source]

Oh NO! Potentially deadly substance found in hospital! What do we do?!

"It smelled good, so we’re thinking it was a hand lotion," [Source]

That’s right! Stick yer nose in that thar anthax and tell me ifn its dangerous. After the spokeswoman for the Knox County Health Department, whose job is apparently to go to crime scenes and shove her nose into unknown substances, you know, like medieval food tasters!, after she lived, it was determined that something had to be done with the substance.

A private contractor that handles the hospital’s wastes will incinerate the bottle and contents, Dougherty said. [Source]

You got that right! We determined the substance to be inert and harmless so instead of having a hospital employee, or the high paid (she does get paid well for shoving her nose into stuff right?) health department employee, or for that matter one of the sick people at the hospital, or a child, to simply throw the container into the trashcan, we are going to pay a "private contractor" (read that as expensive) to dispose of the substance. I had the personal privilege of working with one of the fine companies in Oak Ridge who get paid to move hazardous waste around. You know those spray cans of paint, compressed air, and so forth that you so casually chunk into the trash can? Those are considered hazardous materials and government agencies have to pay to have them "properly disposed of" which means that they are dumped into 50 gallon drums, sealed, and shipped to a landfill at $10,000 per drum. Not tightly packed mind you. Sure, they could fit a lot more cans in a drum if the spray cans were put in an orderly fashion but if you just throw them in the drum you have to create more $10,000 invoices (and it takes less time). So you can bet the private contractor is going to take a vacation on that container of hand lotion.

Does anyone think before they jump anymore? Or has the government just got you that scared! Is this over? No way! For your enjoyment, the News Sentinel promises to spend more money on this horrific event!

More details as they develop online and in Friday’s News Sentinel. [Source]

Anyone know what teenage boys do with hand lotion? That’s what’s happening with your tax dollars right here!

Think about your headlines! August 24, 2007 2:05 pm

Should this be "Judge Jenkins Rests"?

We are going to war! July 27, 2007 9:46 am

The squirrels have been sent in!

A few weeks ago, 14 squirrels equipped with espionage systems of foreign intelligence services were captured by [Iranian] intelligence forces along the country’s borders. These trained squirrels, each of which weighed just over 700 grams, were released on the borders of the country for intelligence and espionage purposes. [Source]

I can’t get the squirrels out of my attic. How do you capture trained spying squirrels?! Perhaps Boris and Natasha were on contract! "We’v ‘ave Moose on our side now as doolble agent." Thank you Ray Kurzweil!

Toyota Prius Can Go 100mph! July 4, 2007 6:51 pm

WhitesCreek sums it up.

Sorry Dean June 22, 2007 1:04 pm

I’m smarter than you.

I can’t stop watching! June 14, 2007 10:04 pm

This made me laugh so hard today! I have watched it over and over and over. Tommy Chong! You’re my hero!

Jazz from Hell has some additional words and the original MSNBC interview with Contessa Brewer regarding Paris Hilton to put this in perspective.

Update: For those who have’t watched the original MSNBC interview, Colbert’s very direct question to Chong is mocking Brewer.

Watered to death January 14, 2007 9:03 am

A woman drank so much water trying to win a Wii for her 3 children that she died. The coroner’s office called it "water intoxication." A radio station had a "Hold Your Wee for a Wii" contest. I wouldn’t believe this bizarre story if it was by anyone other than the Associated Press (and I still have my doubts). Strangely, the 28 year old woman’s name was Jennifer Strange. Nothing on Snopes yet.

Can you drink too much water?

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