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Top 10 Ways to have a happy marriage July 10, 2008 12:24 pm

Posted by Doug McCaughan in : Health, Humor, Love, Mental, Philosophy, Sex, Touchy Subjects , 2comments

Amazon.com Widgets

@RandomChick asks "what’s the key to a successful/happy marriage?"

Never let your wives find out about each other.
Having a twin brother, never telling anyone, one works/one is at home, and the two of you can never be seen together.
Lots of money. Because money can buy you happiness! And it can buy you love. But if you want happiness in marriage, never use your money to buy love.
Nannies, babysitters, Mary Poppins, Oh My!
Two houses. She should be living in the one you aren’t remodeling.
Date nights! Just because you are married doesn’t mean you should quit dating. Get a babysitter for the children and act like you did before you said, "I do!" And don’t talk about todo lists, appointments, or other issues on your date!
Remember small things add up. Leave a note, scrub a back, do one of your spouses chores (that is unless she hates the way you fold clothes and in that case just stay away from the laundry!), or knock something off that honey do list you’ve been ignoring.
Viagra + Zoloft + Depakote
Read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman and practice it.
Be married to my wife! (But be aware you’ll have to support me as well as the five children too)

2comments

Like the dolphins…only different. June 10, 2008 9:55 pm

Posted by Doug McCaughan in : Robotics, Sex, Technology, Touchy Subjects , add a comment

Some people say there is a giant, mechanical spider in this video. All I saw was a topless red head.

For those that are wondering about the dolphins, read this.

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Do-It-Yourself Vasectomy May 27, 2008 9:35 am

Posted by Doug McCaughan in : Daily Life, Family, Sex, Touchy Subjects , 6comments

In December, I set up a chipin campaign to raise money for an operation I promised Cathy 3 years ago. The vasectomy campaign ends in six hours and the Internet hath spoken! Either the digital world out there wants 1) me to have more children or 2) see a DIY vasectomy. As complimented as I am that you desire more of my DNA stay in the gene pool, I am going to have to go with the DIY vasectomy. The only question that remains is to stream via webcam or not to stream? And do I create a chipin campaign for pain killers and re-constructive surgery? Now where’s that Swiss Army knife?

(ala Rocky Horror’s Time Warp)
It’s just a snip to the left
And a snip to the right
Pull the sack up and put the sutures in tight
No pelvic thrust
For 30 day ay ay ayay ays
Let’s do the vasectomy today!

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D.C. Madam “suicide” - Don’t these people watch movies? May 1, 2008 4:05 pm

Posted by Doug McCaughan in : Conspiracy, News, Of Interest, Politics, Sex, Touchy Subjects , 1 comment so far

When you heard that "[a] court had recently found Deborah Jeane Palfrey guilty of money laundering, racketeering and mail fraud in connection with a high-end prostitution ring operating in Washington D.C." [Source, Truemors], didn’t you just immediately wonder which senator was afraid of having his or her super kinky dungeon fantasies revealed?

Suicide notes were found near the body in a small storage shed next to a mobile home…Palfrey, 52, was reportedly staying at the home of her mother…Prosecutors estimated the sentence she would have likely received would have been…about six years…She argued it was a legitimate, legal escort service. [Source, CNN, ‘D.C. Madam’ found dead]

The low budget spy thriller writes itself.

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From the mouths of babes April 17, 2008 10:17 pm

Posted by Doug McCaughan in : Daily Life, Evan, Family, From the mouths of babes, Of Being Dad, Sex, Touchy Subjects , add a comment

Evan, quickly approaching 3 but already an expert: "OOH peein" (that’s open to the uninitiated) *squint* *grin* "peeeas" (that’d be please)
I think, "Aw, he’s so cute." Then Evan hands me a box of 24 Durex condoms. That’s a whole 2 year supply!
Dad: "A little young for those aren’t you?"

Of course, if you help contribute to the vasectomy fund , I can quit buying those things and think of ALL the oil that could be saved! The material itself, transportation, packaging, manufacturing equipment, and so forth. Snip me, save the planet! You know, if May 27 rolls around and we still only have a penny, I’m tempted to DIY this procedure while streaming it over ustream. I mean, how difficult could it be?

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Just a little off the top April 4, 2008 3:27 pm

Posted by Doug McCaughan in : Cool Sites, Daily Life, Of Interest, Sex , 3comments

I’ll be joining some blogging friends at Gentlemen’s Top Cuts tomorrow. I’ll also meet a blogger for the first time but I won’t be watching his procedure. Bet I hear it though!

Bloggers attending tomorrow:

Update: Between 10 A.M. and 1 P.M. Saturday and the GTC girls will give anyone a free car wash.

7425 Middlebrook Pike | Knoxville, TN 37909
get directions »

3comments

Now my son DOES need a haircut! April 4, 2008 12:04 pm

Posted by Doug McCaughan in : Daily Life, Family, Noah, Sex, Touchy Subjects , add a comment

In talking about Gentlemen’s Top Cuts in my post I don’t need a haircut but I’d sure enjoy my visit!, I failed to mention how they are conveniently located within walking distance of my son’s middle school. Now Noah NEEDS a haircut constantly. His hair grows like a weed. Noah is also a blogger! Judging by the porn Noah likes to surf (yes, he got busted and no he doesn’t do it anymore or at least he covers his footprints better) and how much longer it takes him to bathe now-a-days, I think Noah would very much enjoy GTC. Noah would probably even write a review and link to the GTC blog. Tommy on the other hand would not set foot in the building. I tried to get him to go to Hooter’s for lunch once and he said he’d stay in the car.

Would I seriously let Noah get his hair cut there? Sure! It is not a strip club. The site doesn’t say children are not allowed (now many spas do not allow children so that may change). And his friends would be all kinds of jealous! It’s just a barber shop with pretty barbers. ~~After poking around the blog for a bit, I can tell they really are catering to men so I’m a little less sure.~~ I spoke to GTC and they are family friendly. I doubt they’ll do a lot of family business. Now, Hooter’s does a huge family business (believe it or not!).

Update: Cathy points out that barber shops don’t generally offer "twig and berry" waxings. My description of "It’s just a barber shop with pretty barbers." could be a tad off base.

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How to have sex while 5 children are in the house March 28, 2008 9:48 am

Posted by Doug McCaughan in : Health, Security, Sex, Technology, Touchy Subjects, War , 5comments

Someone has finally figured out how to have intimate moments without fear of scaring the minds of your youth by having them accidentally walk in on mom and dad being gross. See this worksafe link for the details. Via BoingBoing.

1.25″ Polycarbonate Bulletproof Plating/Shielding

Bio-Chemical Filtered Ventilation

Rebreather

Control Panel Mode Selection (i.e., Basic System Ops., Intruder Setting, Energy Status, Lock Down, etc.)

Cover & Door Actuators w/ Emergency Release

One way see through head cover (reflective mirror on 2 sides and front)

Safety Features (Proximity Sensor, O2 Sensor, Smoke Det., Motion Det. Ect,)

Emergency Communication system (Cellular, Short-wave Radio, CB ect.)

Audio Amplifier (Amplify sound from out side unit)

Air/Water Tight Sealing

External Override Key Pad & Remote Control

Battery Backup Power

Toiletry system

Source, QSleeper

Please remember the vasectomy campaign!

5comments

Subtle. March 26, 2008 9:21 am

Posted by Doug McCaughan in : Humor, Philosophy, Sex, Touchy Subjects , add a comment

So, what do you eat on the holidays?

From the San Francisco Chronicle, April 4, 2005.

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Nature’s Contraceptives March 13, 2008 1:05 pm

Posted by Doug McCaughan in : Sex, Touchy Subjects , add a comment

Children and dogs.

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Teenage Boys Have It So Good Today! March 12, 2008 10:46 pm

Posted by Doug McCaughan in : Sex, Software, Technology, Touchy Subjects , 1 comment so far

I didn’t have anything like the online dressing room when I was a teen! I would have never left the house!

That’s probably not a worksafe link.

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Dear Knoxville Pros March 11, 2008 5:29 pm

Posted by Doug McCaughan in : Daily Life, Politics, Sex, Touchy Subjects , 2comments

Somewhere on Reality Me or Domestic Psychology is the story of my indiscretions. Yes, I picked up a prostitute once and it became public. Well, I cannot pick you up anymore^*. Unlike Dick Cheney’s wife, and Spitzer’s wife, my wife will not stand behind me.

What’s the difference between a computer consultant and a prostitute?

Slate asks why is prostitution illegal?

^*I can’t find the post relating the story, so for those that missed it, I was working late downtown once. It was about midnight when I pulled up to a traffic light at Summit Avenue and Gay Street (thank you Knoxville for allowing me to use the words prostitute and gay in the same post) in the Jeep with the top down. A lady walks up and asks for a ride. Being a nice guy, I let her in. Half a block later it has become blatantly evident that I was being very naive and I was politely telling her to get out. I suppose, for the sake of knowledge, I should have at least asked, "how much?"

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