Several years ago I loaned my wireless headset microphone to a friend. He crushed it. I thought nothing of it because I figured the expense in my rig was the transmitter and receiver so I’d just buy a new mic. However, I only do 3 or 4 juggling shows a year so there was no rush to find a replacement. I’ve been asked to juggle Friday night at West Park Baptist Church’s fireworks show from 7pm-9pm possibly with a show on the main stage (which would require me being mic’d). Lapel microphones are horrible for juggling and a hand held mic is just comedic. I promise I won’t crush your microphone!

The legs gave out long ago
But the mountain must be climbed
And I trudge on

Hopefully I will see the summit
If the sun sets without me
I will savor all it illuminated during my journey
      and fertilize the trail for the hiker behind me.

In case you are unaware of why you teach your children to walk, it’s so they can run away. Embrace them at every opportunity. There will come a day you have to let them go.

Evan must have had a rough night last night at the grandparents. Either he was up late or they had a serious fun at church. Evan drifted off in the car on the way to the grocery. When I picked him up, he had turned into a rag doll. Wiped. Zonked. Gone! Playing in the land of Zs. Snoozeville. I could have skipped the store and gotten by on whatever is in the pantry but instead I parked Evan on my hip, gently rested his head on my shoulder and went into Kroger for a couple of quick items. Standing in the coffee isle grabbing the very last item on my list is when I felt liquid puddling in my flip flop under the heal of my left foot. I glanced down and about the same time I saw something dripping off Evan’s big toe, the left side of my shirt turned very warm…then very wet.

Something happens to the brain when you have children. The processing goes haywire. I don’t think we get dumber but perhaps more reactionary. For instance, in college, when your drunk friend starts to gag, you simply turn them away from you and give encouraging words as they turn into a human geyser. There’s not a parent on the face of the Earth who hasn’t cupped their hands and placed them in front of their child’s mouth in a similar situation. So what happened between college and parenthood?!

There’s four things that go through your head when holding a small child and simultaneously feeling urine run down your leg:

1. Is it me?! (no, I’m not that old yet)
2. Yuck! Pee anywhere but me! (This is associated with using both hands to hold the child as far away from you as possible. The child remains rag dollishly deep asleep. The urine no longer is disguised by your clothes but instead drips from the child’s ten toes resembling a garden sprinkler.)
3. Has anyone noticed? (This is associated with the action of bringing the child back to your hip. Saying a prayer that he’s almost done. And hoping your cotton clothing is very absorbent.)
4. Get me the hell out of here! (This is associated with running away from your cart and the puddle on the floor, and bee lining it directly to the restroom where you stand a sleeping child at the urinal while nothing happens.)

If having a child sleep on your shoulder is one of the greatest feelings in the world, having that same child pee on you in aisle 8 of the grocery stores is one of the most disconcerting.

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