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I have fought serious depression since college…maybe earlier. Let’s call it 27 or 30 years of being chained to my black dog. But I cannot find him. Not that I’m actively looking. As I posted a few days ago, I feel very much on top of my game, on top of the world! Everything seems to be clicking now. The gears are meshing just right. The puzzle pieces are coming together. Everything is working. The children are doing well in their lives. Of all the goals I’ve set for myself (e.g. cleaning up the mess caused by running my own business, fixing the problems with the IRS, making progress on the house, etc.) are being achieved. Only one major one (a health issue but that’s a different story altogether) hangs over my head but I even see that being resolved soon. I am responding well to obstacles and the unexpected. I am performing better at my job and for my freelance customers. I feel more organized and alive than I have in years.

I don’t know if that black dog lurks in the shadows. I see no evidence of him. My old friends will recall my "guardian angel," Murph, named after Murphy of the Law. Murph hasn’t been present in eons. Maybe the black dog has gone off with Murph. Now, yin and yang still exist. The universe wants to be in balance. So, things happen to try to rock my boat. As I become happier and more content in my life, the universe occasionally tries to right that by chopping at my ankles. I received a surprise today that left me baffled, shocked, and temporarily sad…but not depressed. For a moment, I was knocked off-balance but I recovered quickly. People have their reasons and motivations and it is not for me to judge. I need only remind myself how I feel now feels really nice and that I do not want to go back to walking my black dog.

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Awake but not up

My goal is to awaken every morning at 4:30am. I am getting closer to achieving that goal. Today I awoke at 4:22am. Wide awake! Even rose from bed and moved about. BUT, the fatal flaw, I returned to the bed for "just a few minutes." I left the bed to begin my day at 6:30am. Two hours of potenial productivity slept away.

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Weekend Project – Water heater

Electricity to water heater turned off.
Water to house turned off.
Upstairs faucets opened.
Apparently we own new cake pans.
Downstairs faucets opened.
Draining washing machine.
Ah, perhaps we should want to scrub the floor while we are doing this.
Downstairs faucets closed.
Upstairs faucets closed.
Water to house turned off.

Stand turned for a repeat performance shortly.

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But one goal today

Truth be told, I have many goals today. Two major professional goals and many personal goals.

But for the moment, I have but one goal. Nothing else matters. The house can burn down around me and I won’t stop. A client has reported a problem that I simply cannot reproduce. So my immediate goal, no matter how long it takes, is to reproduce that issue. That is all.