Noah walks in shirtless.
Mom: "Amy, put lotion on your brother’s back."
Amy squawks through the house: "Whaaaat?!"
Dad: "It puts the lotion on the skin!"
Amy: "Okay."
Noah: "I can do it."
Category: Amy
From the mouths of babes
Evan, ruefully, to his sister Amy: "You get to walk to the mall from school. I get to eat ice cream on the track."
From the mouths of babes
Me: "Who threw clothes on the stairs? I need to strangle a child."
My 14 year old daughter: "I’ll be right down!"
Me, to myself: "I don’t think she understood what I said."
From the mouths of babes
Her: What do you want for dinner?
Him: *something* *something* *9 1/2 weeks* *inappropriate* *something*
Her: Help me!
Him: What?
Her, holding up iPhone: Somehow, I don’t know how, it recorded that.
Him, grabbing iPhone sees an audio message sent to…Granny.
Him bolts out front door to see Granny fidgeting with her phone.
Him opens door to car and grabs phone.
Granny: I’ve never received an audio message before.
Him: I think it recorded silence.
13 year old, giggling: I think Dad recorded something by accident.
Him: It was your mother and it had secrets. *delete*
Her: I deleted it but it just took a while.
Him: That deletes it off your phone, not hers!
Him: Awkward.
Today begins a new chapter in my children’s lives
The state of TN is at war with public education. They are out to destroy public education and my youngest two children are on the front lines. We are testing our children to stupidity. The teachers have no time to provide a quality education because we are constantly prepping for the next test. I am pro-gadget, pro-electronic and want my children absorbed in this fascinating digital world with their easy access to all of humanity’s knowledge. However, my ten year old’s generation is suffering as the first generation to be raised from birth with screens in front of them. Their craving for information and multitasking is on par with a cocaine addict, alcoholic, or gambler.
I personally have fallen. I have failed to dedicate time to my children. Today changes that. Today we began meditation and reading aloud (Jonathan Livingston Seagull). Today we began to learn about First Things First with a discussion of the four quadrants and how to live in Quad II. Today is a good day and will be followed by so many more.
From the mouths of babes
Me: "I love you Amy. You are awesome!"
Amy: "Thanks. It runs in the family."
The great destructor of all happy
I fell…
Bright and early
The students are on spring break. Amy’s school offered a trip to Washington D.C. so she got on a bus at 11pm Friday and returned at 5am today. Only the bus on Friday was an hour late and today it was an hour early. Amy, "I told Mom it was early." Me, "Did she reply? Considering she leaves her phone upstairs at night, perhaps you should have contacted both of us." Amy was not the last to be picked up but I had really hoped to have arrived at the school well before the bus. I like to step up and help unload luggage and talk to the other parents but c’est la vie. She had an amazing trip. And being up this early has reminded me just how much I enjoyed starting my day at 4am in the past. I’m just not certain I can do this on a regular basis.
One man’s junk
Today my daughter rides the world’s longest yard sale.
The 27th annual “World’s Longest Yard Sale,” will go through six states and stretch 690 miles from Aug. 7-10 from 5 miles north of Addison, Mich., to Gadsden, Ala., on U.S. Highway 127.
[Source, Knoxnews, ‘World’s Largest Yard Sale’ comes to area]
This does not bode well for our house which has aggressively been trying to declutter.
Last week of school
This week represents the last 2 and a half days of school for Knox County students. So naturally they are working hard to prepare the students for their rising grade by showing them 2.5 days of movies, video games, and socializing.
I would love to see 2.5 days of fine tuning study skills, personal time management, and lateral thinking puzzles.
That said, drivers be alert. You are about to see children in places at times you don’t expect them.
My submission for Dad of the Year
"Stop fighting, Goddammit!"
Cringeworthy moment
Cringeworthy moment: Hearing your small child say, "I like your youtube video where you blah blah blah and blah blah and my favorite, chutney!" Do you remember when only adults were on the Internet? My videos do!
Check out my child actors!
Learn more about Node+ at variableinc.com.
Nothing makes you feel shittier
Nothing makes me feel worse than losing my temper with my family. Well, except maybe the flippant remarks made by me during the bout of anger. No one deserves to be yelled at. It solves nothing and tears are painful. Afterall, it’s only fucking grades. And am I really mad at the child? Or at my own parental shortcomings? Something tells me it is the latter so perhaps I really should be yelling at myself. Oh, internally I’m already there.
From the mouths of babes
Me: "Amy, I’m going to kill you."
Amy, 11 years old, jumping off the glass top stove to the kitchen floor: "Sorry Daddy."
Me: "Do you see that step ladder beside the fridge?"
Amy: "Yes."
Me: "Use it! What is the stove top made of?"
Amy: "Glass."
Me: "I love you Amy!"
Amy: "I love you too Daddy."
Me: "I’ll put that on your tombstone."
