I’m the game of will between you trying to sleep in and the hungry cats trying to get fed, the cats will win every time.
Category: Pets
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Stoned dog
Annie says, “I have no idea what is going on. I taste colors. I see fractals. I’m beginning to understand the true nature of the universe. I am dog!”
N.b. We thought Annie was suffering a partial tear in the dog equivalent of an acl. That’s a $4000 surgery. Turns out she pulled her groin. The treatment is 10 weeks of sedation, pain medicine, and muscle relaxers. My only question is: what can I do to pull my groin? I could use the rest.
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Annie loves the doctor
Antimony gets so excited at the vet’s office. Has to jump on everyone and kiss all her new friends.
At the vet to discuss a $4000 surgery to fix a torn ACL for Annie the dog. But there is no tear. Dog pulled her groin. No surgery for that. Dog gets 10 weeks of rest. Yes, a golden retriever has to rest…for 10 weeks!
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Words of Wisdom
Don’t drink and buy apps for your cat.
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From the mouths of babes
Me: "Goddammit, quit stepping on the cats!"
(Probably not the most constructive statement in the moment) -
What do you want to be when you grow up?
I’m pretty sure as a child I wanted to be an architect (thank you Dad and Michael Brady), and maybe an astronaut, and definitely an entertainer; but NEVER do I recall saying, “Hey, I’d like to spend the better part of my adult life cleaning up pee and poo and other bodily fluids.”
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Just once
I’d really like to get through one day without uttering the words, "Goddamn dog."
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Sunday mornings
The cat wants to play fetch while the dog wants to be on the other side of the door.
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Get up
The animals have decreed that it is time for me to wake up.
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The antialarm
It is impossible to get out of bed when two cats are sleeping on you.
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Pets do not make you live longer
Pets do not make you live longer. They kill your husband off earlier which gives you the illusion of living longer.
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How not to start the day
My mornings should not begin with me walking around muttering to myself, "fucking cats."
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Feeding Frenzy
I awake at 4am and suddenly all the animals think, "Yea! New feeding time!"
