Tag: fear

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Fearing Men – Bad for society

Thank you Lenore Skenazy!

We think we’re protecting our kids by treating all men as potential predators. But that’s not a society that’s safe. Just sick. [Source, Wall Street Journal, Eek! A Male!]

I have suffered this myself. See, I’m that creepy stalker guy.

I dropped by the high school band practice to give my daughter some money since she decided to stay from practice to the game instead of coming home. My wife and 3 other children were in the van as I approached the field. The girls on the flag team became concerned because “a creepy stalker guy” was approaching the field. Their response was an immediate jump to the negative.

How strong was the impact of this experience with my daughter? Two days ago I offered to drop by during band camp to offer support to the team and my daughter begged me to stay away. She reminded me specifically that I am “that creepy stalker guy.” Wow. Gee. Thank you society for the hollow feeling you have put in my chest, destroying bonding opportunities between my daughter and me, and embarrassing my daughter in front of her peers.

How can we be raising happy children to become happy adults when we are teaching them to focus only on the negative…and a negative that is highly unlikely?

[Source, Reality Me, I am the creepy stalker guy]

Imagine the hysteria that I could have created by trying to take a picture of my daughter practicing. Perhaps I would have ended up in jail.

Our attitudes toward males around children drive men away from the early education system where they are greatly needed. A segue: Our children need more hugs. A child who has fallen on the playground should be picked up and comforted by an adult (male or female) and often that comfort comes in the form of a hug. Touch is important but our society now fears it so much that I think we are turning into a parody of the movie Demolition Man. I implore the teachers of my children to hug them if they need it.

I could easily quote all of Lenore Skenazy’s article but let’s end with this. As you jump to the negative giving in to media driven fearful hysteria, think hard about this incident:

In England in 2006, BBC News reported the story of a bricklayer who spotted a toddler at the side of the road. As he later testified at a hearing, he didn’t stop to help for fear he’d be accused of trying to abduct her. You know: A man driving around with a little girl in his car? She ended up at a pond and drowned. [Source, Wall Street Journal, Eek! A Male!]

See also: Every possible form of interaction between an adult and a child is perceived as yet another opportunity for child abuse.

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I am the creepy stalker guy

I have had a post in draft that I thought Dr. Helen would enjoy but I just haven’t found the time to finish it. Today she posted "Every possible form of interaction between an adult and a child is perceived as yet another opportunity for child abuse." and I commented with the story from my post:

We are creating a horrible side affect in the way our children perceive the world. The lack of trust and an understanding that most people are good will impact the choices they make in our future as they become voters and influence laws in our society.

Last year I dropped by the high school band practice to give my daughter some money since she decided to stay from practice to the game instead of coming home. My wife and 3 other children were in the van as I approached the field. The girls on the flag team became concerned because "a creepy stalker guy" was approaching the field. Their response was an immediate jump to the negative.

How strong was the impact of this experience with my daughter? Two days ago I offered to drop by during band camp to offer support to the team and my daughter begged me to stay away. She reminded me specifically that I am “that creepy stalker guy.” Wow. Gee. Thank you society for the hollow feeling you have put in my chest, destroying bonding opportunities between my daughter and me, and embarrassing my daughter in front of her peers.

How can we be raising happy children to become happy adults when we are teaching them to focus only on the negative…and a negative that is highly unlikely?

As a male in our society, I encounter these horrid attitudes more and more frequently particularly as I lead scouts or visit schools. Boy Scouts of America has added training for the adult leaders as well as the children regarding child abuse. Nothing is more uncomfortable than talking to an 8 year old about potential child abuse except maybe talking to a second grader about sexual harassment but that’s a different a story for a different time.

Recently, an adult was asking about how to handle my children while they were at camp and I instructed, "Be firm. Be direct. Tell them they are being annoying." He said he couldn’t do that to another person’s child. You know. We used to say, "it takes a village [to raise a child]." Now everyone in the village is a suspect for an imagined crime that has yet to happen. I believe in the school of hard knocks. I believe in common sense. And I believe in people! Wrong me once, shame on you; wrong me twice, shame on me. I will protect my children within reason. I will not/cannot bubble wrap them and protect them from every sharp corner or hard surface. They will learn more and live fuller lives by me allowing them to fall down or break a bone than by my words and fears. I will teach them trust, and impact upon them common sense.

See also: Slate, 800,000 Missing Kids? Really? Making sense of child abduction statistics.

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Who put me on this soap box? With a tinfoil hat?!

Is Oak Ridge getting rougher? My reply to Atomic Tumor:

I often wonder if its not that things are getting rougher but that things are getting smaller. Years ago living in a small down with 3 television stations, the focus was on local news with bits of highlights of nation and world the half hour before local. I am sure school shootings happened but if you were in Wilmington North Carolina and the shooting was in Denver Colorado, it didn’t really impact you.

Now as the shooting is happening its beeping across cell phones around the globe like a stock ticker. We know everything about everyone as it happens. That’s good! But we must maintain a sense of perspective which is hard to do under the current fear mongering administration. The government, the media, and the preachers have people scared into giving up their rights! These people aren’t thinking; baaaa baaaa. Re-read 1984. Look at the what’s happening in the UK and how it could easily happen here. Watch Wag the Dog. I’m not saying go totally tinfoil hat on us, but if we don’t shock some common sense into some people, we are going to speed down a bad path. GW Bush 2008!

As an example, the Rocky Elementary School Principal is adamant that the children’s safety at the school relies on enclosing the entire property in a horrifically ugly hurricane fence. Will it have barbed wire? This will destroy a community school. No one will be able to use the playground on the weekends. Home values will fall. Is there really a threat to the children? I haven’t seen it and I’m not stupid or blind. But the principal is so caught up in the security assessment by some for profit firm (that’s what the firm is supposed to do!) that he doesn’t even want people talking about the fence.

In summary, we are now inundated with information that makes the world smaller but also stresses us with somebody else’s problem. Fear mongers react instead of respond thinking “this will happen to us” and in an oddly self-fulfilling prophecy, their lives get scarier because of the increased security due to "the threat."

[Source, AtomicTumor]

Update: Suzanne point out that the crime figures reflect that Oak Ridge is just getting rougher. From City-data.com crime index (higher means more crime, U.S. average = 323.2):

  • 2000 = 361.1
  • 2001 = 368.8
  • 2002 = 462.5
  • 2003 = 478.4
  • 2004 = 506.7
  • 2005 = 507.1
  • 2006 = 450.3