Reality Me

Category: Tommy

  • From the mouths of babes

    My eldest son: "Dad, the mower won’t start."

    Me: "I’ll take a look at it."

    Cranks on first pull. I report back to my son, "Started on the first try."

    My son with holier-than-thou indignity with a touch of anger and a dash of annoyance, "Well I’d sure like to know what you are doing different than me because I pulled that string for 10 minutes and it didn’t start."

    Me: "I put gas in it."

  • From the mouths of babes

    Tommy: "You were typing on my keyboard the other night weren’t you?"

    Me: “Yes, I just wanted to try it out. I’m thinking about buying one.”

    Tommy: “The guys in my forum got a good laugh out of that.”

    Me: “Oh, your monitors were off but your computer was still on wasn’t it?”

    Tommy: “Yup. You typed your initials and part of your name. Then ‘This would be a good keyboard for programming.’ and some random characters. I told them ‘Oh, that was just my dad playing on the keyboard.’ They got a good laugh out of it.”

    1. I’ve become THAT dad.
    2. it is time to change that password.

  • From the mouths of babes

    Cathy: "Why are you laying on the floor?"
    Tommy: "Because it annoys Dad."

    At least he is honest.

  • From the mouths of babes

    Last night I asked my son if the dogs had enough food for this morning. This word "yes" I do not think it means what he thinks it means.

  • From the mouths of babes

    My oldest son: "Can I test the spray paint here?"
    Me: "You are standing too close to the house and our grill and other stuff that the wind could carry the overspray of the paint onto and cause your death. And I really don’t want to go to jail for the rest of my life."

  • From the mouths of babes

    Tommy: "We need a kitten."
    Me: "No we don’t."
    Tommy: "I’ll take good care of it."
    Me: "When you have your own place to live, you can have a kitten."
    Cathy: "If you clean the litter box for our cat every day for one month, you can have a kitten."
    Tommy: "Yea!"
    Me: "Make it six months."
    Cathy: "One month."
    Me: "I don’t want another cat!"
    12 days later, Tommy: "12 days and I’ve cleaned the litter box every day."

    I think I have roughly 18 days to build Tommy a small apartment near Amy’s clubhouse.

  • Wednesday

    I cannot improve upon Cathy’s Pulitzer Prize worthy post. Do read!

    Kazoo taps for cat funeral

  • Of Being Dad – Where I explain life

    This morning I had the occasion to explain life to my 20 year old:

    You eat, sleep, shit, shower, contribute to society, and play. Live a simple, honest life. Basically, follow the 12 points of the Scout Law and you’ll be happy.

  • Of Being Dad

    File this under things that make me twitch.

    Tommy, in a phone call to me: "By the way, my laptop hasn’t worked for the past week and a half or so. Says something about no bootable media."
    Me: "Did you install anything recently or drop it?"
    Tommy: "No but there are two screws missing on the bottom."

  • Of Being Dad

    File this under things that make me twitch.

    Tommy, in a phone call to me: "By the way, my laptop hasn’t worked for the past week and a half or so. Says something about no bootable media."
    Me: "Did you install anything recently or drop it?"
    Tommy: "No but there are two screws missing on the bottom."

  • Driving Video

  • From the mouths of babes

    Tommy, 19: "I can’t find the snake."
    Me: "What happened?"
    Tommy: "He was on my lap. I fell asleep."

    The snake is fine. It just had a good explore.

  • From the mouths of babes

    Teenager 1, after walking through the mud, cracks joke: "We’re lucky. In Tibet they’d pay thousands of dollars for this treatment."
    Me: "You really don’t know what Tibet is, do you?"
    Teenager 1: "No. Well, it has something to do with religion."
    Teenager 2: "Yes, it’s in Jerusalem."
    Me: "Uh, no."
    Teenager 1: "I think it borders China."
    Teenager 2: "Well it has something to do with the Jews."
    Teenager 1: "It’s mostly a tourist attraction right now."
    Teenager 2: "Yup. A tourist trap."

  • Happy Birthday Tommy!

    My son turns 19 today! I’m getting him a t-shirt that says, "I turned 19 and all I got was this stupid blog post." I am proud of Tommy’s accomplishments. He has grown up to exceed everyone’s expectations. Happy Birthday Tommy!

  • School Costs How Much?!

    Ooops. I screwed up the paperwork. The financial aid office has explained that we have to pay 100% out of pocket for my son’s Fall college…on Tuesday.

    I’ve explained it to the younger children like this: "Since your brother is going to college, we are going to be eating Ramen…lots of Ramen!"