Reality Me

Blog

  • Memorial Day Weekend

    This is Memorial Day Weekend. To comply with the Uniform Monday Holiday Act of 1968, in 1971 Memorial Day was moved from May 30th to the last Monday of May thus creating a beloved three day weekend. Some people want to return the holiday to May 30th as they feel people have forgotten the roots of Decoration Day, a day of observance to mourn the dead of the Civil War, and that respect for our fallen solders has been overshadowed by vacations to the beach.

    This Memorial Day weekend, I celebrate two of my children’s birthdays, I plan to spend 30-40 hours on a client’s project, dig through a decade’s worth of statements and receipts, and I will remember our fallen solders.

  • Looking back 10 years

    Right now I’m sitting down with a tax professional to review my past decade’s tax returns. See, I goofed an eon ago and skipped filing taxes. Had I filed, I would have received a substantial refund. Having not filed, Uncle Sam got mad and billed me for a ridiculous amount of money (5 digits). This tax bill has been a pain. If all goes well today, this will finally be put to bed; of course, it will take the IRS 10 or more weeks to finalize the paperwork so the party will have to wait until then. The lesson? ALWAYS file your taxes!

    Update: It’s never good when the IRS agent on the phone makes your tax professional slam her fist on the desk and declare "bitch" after hanging up. However, that’s now one motivated tax professional! In short, over the past decade I’ve lost, not owed but lost, tens of thousands of dollars to the IRS. And they want more.

    My Uncle Sam does bad things to me. It’s been our secret since 2002.

  • From the mouths of babes

    Tommy: "We need a kitten."
    Me: "No we don’t."
    Tommy: "I’ll take good care of it."
    Me: "When you have your own place to live, you can have a kitten."
    Cathy: "If you clean the litter box for our cat every day for one month, you can have a kitten."
    Tommy: "Yea!"
    Me: "Make it six months."
    Cathy: "One month."
    Me: "I don’t want another cat!"
    12 days later, Tommy: "12 days and I’ve cleaned the litter box every day."

    I think I have roughly 18 days to build Tommy a small apartment near Amy’s clubhouse.

  • Marriage advice to men

    After you say, "I do," it’s really best just to shutup and not speak again.

  • Think your water is clean?

    Compare your rivers to this one in Bangladesh.

  • Next round of testing

    It’s that time again. See how flexible Doug is. Will he bend? Will he break? Does he blend? Are his morals sound? Is his constitution resolute?

  • Parenting can be so hard

    I Cry

  • Secret Pleasures

    I must admit, I become very amused when people I know in real life let me know they read Reality Me! Thank you my friends!

  • Deep Thoughts

    Too much happening in the head; too little happening through the fingers.

  • To rue the day or not to rue the day

    This day shall not own me!
    For it is Monday
    And I am master of my calendar!

  • Of Grasshoppers

    Student: Tell me it is going to be okay.
    Master: Do you already know the outcome?

  • Of Grasshoppers

    Student: The mind is tired.
    Master: The body is weak.

  • Oral Happiness

    Stuck it in the mouth
    And wiggled it about
    Thrust back and forth
    Then took it out
    The stuff left behind
    Was then spat out
    Felt so good
    Want to do it again
    Brushing teeth
    Leaves such a grin!

  • Of Grasshoppers

    Student: Lifestyle changes in my imminent future.
    Master: Ah! You’ll have a future!

  • 10 years have got behind you

    To look in the mirror and see your father looking back is a bit shocking; to see your grandfather looking back is down right disturbing!