Reality Me

A New Day!

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This Morning

* I think I was up at 2am but not sure.

* Awake at 4am. Fire is still going as I can see the coals through the vents in the stove but I can’t convince myself to go get wood despite knowing that it needs wood badly. Just rolled over and went back to sleep.

* 8:11 am I can’t ignore the babies calls anymore. I’d really like to sleep in a little more.

Last Night

* Sheets were still wet. Dried them but wanted to go to bed. Got them dried but didn’t want to disturb the wife so I just borrowed some of her covers and passed out.

* Talked to Mom at 4:45ish and feel better. Went to pickup 10 yr old from a birthday party which always takes longer than expected. Being anywhere is better than being with the family! Dropped off ALL the kids at 5:30ish with the Grandmother and went to our first event cache which was very nice. It was fun to be just adults socializing and putting faces to the names of these people you feel like you’ve gotten to know just reading their log entries.

* Wife got a migraine 8ish and we rushed her home for rest. I wish I could have her back at the chiropractor and wish that I was better organized to actually fix her meals for a balanced diet.

* Went to pick up the 13 yr old and the 19mth old. Returned home with a very peaceful car ride only to have words with the 13yr old at the house. He has such a trashy mouth full of spite, hate and anger. Got them to sleep, checked email and am now here.

* All my decent pens are gone

* Time for meclizine. My mind is racing. I don’t know if its a placebo or not but it helps.

* I need music. I can’t get crap to play on the computers. I’ve listened to the same mini-discs so many times my ears want to bleed. And every CD case I own is empty or missing.

* Helped wife run girlscout meeting. Chasing baby for 2 hours was exhausting. Returned home only to have to go back because the 10yr old left her cookie order form at AC Moore. Returned home stopping for milk and gas (hope I got those in the correct containers) and then helped the 10 yr old sell cookies for 40 minutes. Returned home to work on finances (several weeks worth of work to do in 2 hours).

A New Day!

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This Morning

* Up at 7 but couldn’t pull myself from bed until 7:30. I have to start waking at 4am every morning. That was a good time when I used to get up regularly at 4am.

* Painted bottle caps, got the fire re-fueled, fed the baby an eggo, painted bottle caps another 2 times at 30 min intervals, had some coffee, re-fueled the fire with thicker wood for a longer burn, fed the outside cat

mood: Feel stretched for time. I need to be working purely on finanaces and programming today but the schedule is packed!

Last Night

* In bed at 9pmish for relaxing break with intention to get up and work through the night–didn’t happen, instead ice cream, a beer, chatting with the wife and some reading

* Just got back from scootering with the 10 yr old. What fun! The brake system on the 13 yr old’s scooter is still messed up which has me ticked but I’m going to get it working for him.

A New Day!

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This Morning

* Got the kids up at 6 and I returned to bed until 6:30 then stayed up with them getting ready for school.

* Went to get hair cut. From there to the bank which on the way to I stopped at Autozone and poured 3 quarts of oil into the engine which ran straight out onto the pavement.

* Dropped car at Firezone for a $255 repair. then took their loaner car to the bank and home.

– Now off to phone calls

Yesterday

* Hellish day. Felt like throwing up many times. Had to decide between saying no to a job that I verbally said would not be a problem. I was taking it out of desperation but it would have me away from the family 5 days out of the week but only for 12 weeks. Doesn’t matter if I made the right decision or not. It’s done.

* Talked to father-in-law about the situation

* Talked to mother about the situation

* Took 7 yr old to boy scouts.

* Talked to mother on the phone about financial help.

* Relaxed at the tube. Woke a couple of times during the night.

A New Day!

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This Morning

* Woke at 4:30 and could have jumped from bed but didn’t allow myself to.

* Woke at 6, 6:17 (kids up), 6:30, 6:50 and 7 – finally got up

* 19 mth old awoke at 7:07 and I started warming the car in anticipation of her joining the car pool. Wife came up and got her (thank goodness! It was COLD outside).

* Ate some oatmeal, pondered the day, and read a book.

* Now need to check on the 19mth old.

Last Night

* Fixed dinner for the kids…rather gathered the kids for left over pizza and chicken pasta salad

* Called Dad to mention that the UPS should be picking up the damaged scooter. I wanted desperately to ask for help but didn’t know how and he just volunteered it. I guess my jokes were taken as begging.

* Got fired going and kids to bed and watched television with wife. Was going to stay up late or all night working. She said “you’re down for the night” and I was wired but ended up watching a movie from 11-1am “Hank’s Heros” or something. At 1am I was still wide awake but shaking slightly; I knew needed sleep.

Gear shift

5:00pm — whistle blows; no one cares about buying things or giving jobs at this point in the day. Time to change clothes and prepare dinner.

* Ran to the unemployment agency although I didn’t realize that was what I was doing. Got into their job search system. Confirmed that a self-employed person cannot collect unemployment 🙂

* 10 yr old found out that we are trying to get him out of home schooling and back into the school system; he is pissed!

“I’ve been up Shit Creek so long I can’t remember ever having a paddle. And my canoe is taking on water.”

* I’m supposed to start work in Nashville on Monday.

A New Day!

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This Morning

* Woke wide awake at 2am. Knew the fire needed wood but could not motivate myself to get fuel for the fire. Could not get out of bed to work. Went back to sleep.

* Woke wide awake at 4am but could not motivate myself to get wood or get out of bed. Went back to sleep.

* Woke at 6am and went back to sleep until 6:30 when I got the kids up. Went back to bed until 6:45 checked on kids. Went back to bed until 7. Put small twigs on coals and acheived flame. Took kids to school. The 10 yr old had been day dreaming (my fault for not being up there) and wasn’t coming outside so the 7 yr old and I left and picked up the car pool 7 yr old and return for the pissed of 10 yr old.

* Bought milk and my first TN Lottery Ticket 🙂

* Gave the 13 yr old his medicine and went back to bed at 7:50 to get up at 9:15 and refuel the fire.

This day is going to suck. I’ll have a phone call asking if I can be in Nashville on Monday. I am going to bath and suit up and run over to a state run employment agency today for some employment counciling. Need a haircut bad. Need to work on php. Need to call people and make sure things like cell phone aren’t going to be cut off. Need to work on finances badly. Need to get myself together.

Last Night

* Wife had a terrible headache. 13 yr old watched the history channel in our room with us. I massaged wife’s head and neck between her running to the bathroom to vomit. If we had insurance, I would have had her in the ER. If I’m out of town on a contract and this had happened, how would this household manage. We need to stay together to take care of each other.

* 13 yr old to bed at 11pm. I read from 11pm-midnight while periodically going upstairs to tell the 13 yr old “turn out the light” “get to sleep” and so on

* I need my family insured badly. Tonight I need to calculate exactly what I need to make to survive and go for that. I mean, if $14/hr does it shouldn’t I go for that?

* Craziness upstairs