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Now why didn’t I think of that?!

Bidder sells Absolutely Nothing Current bid: £50.02

For Sale: Absolutely Nothing.

Do you have too much stuff? Nowhere to put all your auction buys? Too much money?

Well this auction is for you!

This is a fantastic, once in a lifetime opportunity to buy absolutely nothing! The successful bidder will receive absolutely nothing direct from me.

The perfect gift for the person who has everything.

Takes up no space. Easy to store.

Helps fight capitalism. Possibly.

No postage required.

Environmentally friendly, 100% organic and edible.

(Note. It is not recommended that you eat absolutely nothing for prolonged periods.)

Bid now on this once in a lifetime opportunity!

Please note. This is a genuine auction, and the successful bidder will receive absolutely nothing.

Questions from other buyers for this listing

Q: What is it good for? Answered on 21-Jan-05
A: Nothing.
Q: Will I be able to return nothing, if not completely satisfied? Answered on 21-Jan-05
A: No, because you will receive nothing in the first place.
Q: The great Buddha stated: “Nothing is permanent”. So does that mean if I win this, I’ll never be able to shift it should the need arise? Answered on 21-Jan-05
A: Nothing could be further from the truth.
Q: I’m a bit concerned about your feedback rating of nothing. Will you accept escrow? It’s not lack of trust, just sensible caution. Answered on 21-Jan-05
A: The answer to this should be obvious. I have no feedback rating, as I have absolutely nothing to sell. My friends say I’m nice though, if that helps.
Q: i asked my wife if she’d like a diamond ring, she said she’d like nothing better, can you re-assure me that this is the nothing she is referring to? Answered on 21-Jan-05
A: Nothing is certain, but it seems likely.
Q: What happens if I win this auction and nothing arrives damaged? Will the GPO accept a written signature for absolutely nothing? Perhaps if you were to not send a sausage then I could confirm that is what I had received…. Answered on 21-Jan-05
A: If you receive nothing damaged from the Post Office, you should consider yourself very lucky!
Q: hello, does the Absolutely Nothing also include f*ck all, for free? ta uncle.wilco Answered on 21-Jan-05
A: Sorry no. This offer includes nothing.
Q: Hi, You state this is a once in a lifetime deal. Can I assume that this is a special edition? I’d hate not to receive common, general purpose nothing. Thanks CCM Answered on 21-Jan-05
A: You can assume nothing. Hope this helps.
Q: Can you confirm that I will not receive feedback were I to win this? This may have some value for me. Answered on 21-Jan-05
A: You will receive absolutely nothing from me. You may receive something (fame, notoriety, strange looks in the street) as a consequence of bidding, however they will not be from me.
Q: Could you provide some photos I have always though i had aboslutely nothing already but would appreciate knowing if yours is the same. Answered on 21-Jan-05
A: Sorry, I have absolutely nothing to take a photograph with.
Q: I want to bid on this. Can you totally guarantee that if I win the bidding I will receive absolutely nothing? It would be just my luck to pay and then receive *something* Thank you. all_day_breakfast. (I’ve been searching for nothing for a long time now) Answered on 21-Jan-05
A: Nothing is guaranteed.
Q: Is the absolutely nothing you are offering new or used? and if it’s the latter how long was it used for and to what end? Regards, Peztone. Answered on 21-Jan-05
A: It’s pre-owned. I’ve had absolutely nothing for a few years now, and thought it was time to get rid of it. Being nothing, it’s in exactly the same condition as when I first received it.
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My Life

My Life is broken up like chapters in a book. Each chapter corresponds to a place I was living.

The major chapters are Wilmington, NC; Cary, NC; Kenner, LA; Medford, NJ; Germantown, TN; and Knoxville, TN. Some of the chapters have significant subsections.

Wilmington, NC – Initiation

I was born at 7:08am on October 24, 1969 at New Hanover Hospital in Hanover County, Wilmington, North Carolina. I was the first child in the family so I came at any time. My parents lived in an efficiency over someone’s garage until I was nearly 3. At that time the termites dropping into my crib combined with the expectant arrival of my brother prompted a move to a house my grandfather rented to my parents. Of all places, we lived on Park Avenue!

Wilmington is a beautiful city that today only sports a citizenship of 60,000. It reminds me still of Mayberry from the Andy Griffith show. The roads have large medians lined with moss covered trees which give the streets the appearance that you are driving through tunnels with sunbeams for lights. Many of the streets have an appearance similar to what you would see in a movie about the old south. Behind the houses runs a gravel alleyway for trash pickup and many houses have their garage access from behind the house to give the front a cleaner appearance.

My oldest memory is of the playground across the street from the efficiency. I simply remember being on the swings on a sunny day. I also remember our orange cat and if I am told the story correctly when my brother was born the cat found a new home at the docks.

I was in the efficiency from birth to roughly the age of 3. We stayed in the rented house from 3 to 6 (maybe approaching 7). My character, that would define the choices I would make in my life, first began developing in the rented house. Our next neighbor, Spy Farmer, was a Grand Dragon in the KKK. He was a wonderful person by my memory and I would have never guessed him to be involved with the KKK. His granddaughter (or was she his daughter?) Kim Farmer and I were cutting clay with cookie cutters. I really liked the small one in the shape of a chicken so I decided to keep it. My first theft at roughly age 5. I had a great moral issue with my action. I didn’t like the feeling of having stolen and I returned the cookie cutter. I walked an honest and righteous path from that day forth.

Cary, NC – Fundamentals

Kenner, LA – Spirituality

Medford, NJ – Lust and Desire

Germantown, TN – Deterioration

Knoxville, TN – Rebirth