Day: April 19, 2005

Fifteen-year-old girl throws out-of-control party, destroys house. Man-on-the-street interviews suggest her punishment:spank her, twice So this girl throws a spring break party after her parents leave town. Much more than the 10-20 high school students invited show up. She hides in her room while the party smashes her windows, front door, and flat screen television (which they were trying to steal but it wouldn’t fit through the front door so they attacked it with golf clubs instead); And "they carted out more stuff than the Grinch on Christmas Eve."

I’m stunned just trying to imagine it…

A very thought provoking article on MSN today.

This generation has sworn they wouldn’t hit their kids. The problem is, the same anger and frustration that fueled the old model of corporal punishment didn’t magically vanish merely because a generation of well-meaning parents wanted it to. Instead of letting anger lead to hitting, it now often leads to shouting. But that simple act of raising our voice, depending on what we say and how often we do it, can hold the potential for long-term harm, says Murray A. Straus, a sociology professor at the University of New Hampshire.

The article asks the question “would you yell at a co-worker or a bumbling bagger at the grocery?” Our society allows for yelling at children but in other circumstances that doesn’t apply. Why not extend this courtesy to children? I like their “9 Anti-Yelling Tips”:

1. Defuse with humor (and that doesn’t mean sarcasm)
2. Sing
3. Send your kid outside
4. Whisper
5. Invade your child’s space (I don’t like this one although I’m employed it)
6. Insist once, act immediately
7. Put yourself in time-out
8. Create a key phrase
9. Create a no-yelling rule

You can resolve a conflict without yelling in 15 steps:
Thinking Steps

1. Assess emotions
2. Accept anger, behave well
3. Gauge intensity
4. Who and what?
5. Perspective check

Talk/Listen Steps

6. Time and place
7. Avoid coalitions
8. Express appropriately
9. Listen actively
10. Admit fault

Solving Steps

11. Brainstorm solutions
12. Pros and cons
13. Decide and plan
14. Do it
15. Review/revise

Resources:

• Parents Anonymous – It’s ok to seek help
• Tired of Yelling : Teaching Our Children to Resolve Conflict by Lyndon D. Waugh, Letitia Sweitzer
• The Encouraging Parent : How to Stop Yelling at Your Kids and Start Teaching Them Confidence,Self-Discipline, and Joy by ROD WALLACE KENNEDY PHD

So the first 45 minutes of my day, begun at 4:30–almost 3:30!, have been spent confirming a quote, backing up a database for a client and beginning documentation for the client, posting lottery results, email, and some blogging. Now I’ll spend 15 minutes puttering about and making some tea.

No coffee today. Maybe a coke or two.

Stephen R Covey encourages 30 minutes to an hour of stretching and cardiovascular exercise as a step toward effectiveness. I want to exercise. I like it. I have more energy and less stress. Despite all that, I can’t justify it until I get a couple of things off my plate. Oh the dichotomy!

When a plan or a schedule slips I start to stress. When they slip badly I get a bit beyond crazed. I need today to go well.

"I love it when a plan comes together."