So, my family pulls a quick on me. They convince me that Tommy and I need to clean the trash cans out of the downstairs. I direct Tommy from the bed while watching a little tube. Sarah nonchalantly says, “Mom needs you to see what Molly has done.” So I casually start heading upstairs only to hear Sarah shout “hurry!” I bolt up stairs and there to my surprise is the sun. No that wouldn’t make sense. I know! I had a heart attack bolting up the stairs and I’m seeing the light. But it’s so hot. Shoot. I’m going to Hell! Wait a minute the smoke alarms are going off. OH! That’s my cake!
I am staring into a single flame. It stands about 4-5 inches high, covers the surface of something akin to the palm of my hand, and emanates from the 5 millimeter stubs of what at one point must have been 35 birthday candles. The plastic decorations on the cake that resemble balloons or 5 juggling balls have partially melted. My wife’s eyebrows are singed and a river of green wax flows like lava across the top of cake and dribbles to the wood floors. I make the hastiest wish ever (should a half naked blonde 23 year old and her fully naked twin sister show up on my doorstep I’ll know I should have put a little more thought into it before blowing out the candles) and blow the flame in the direction of my wife’s face fortunately extinguishing the fire before it grew too close and no wax splattered! It was quite a moment.
I have had it explained to me in no uncertain terms that all future cakes for me will have two candles on it. I optimistically hope that one day I’ll see a third.
Thank you my loving family for a wonderful birthday! (and please forgive the twins)
