A very thought provoking article on MSN today.
This generation has sworn they wouldn’t hit their kids. The problem is, the same anger and frustration that fueled the old model of corporal punishment didn’t magically vanish merely because a generation of well-meaning parents wanted it to. Instead of letting anger lead to hitting, it now often leads to shouting. But that simple act of raising our voice, depending on what we say and how often we do it, can hold the potential for long-term harm, says Murray A. Straus, a sociology professor at the University of New Hampshire.
The article asks the question “would you yell at a co-worker or a bumbling bagger at the grocery?” Our society allows for yelling at children but in other circumstances that doesn’t apply. Why not extend this courtesy to children? I like their “9 Anti-Yelling Tips”:
- Defuse with humor (and that doesn’t mean sarcasm)
- Sing
- Send your kid outside
- Whisper
- Invade your child’s space (I don’t like this one although I’m employed it)
- Insist once, act immediately
- Put yourself in time-out
- Create a key phrase
- Create a no-yelling rule
You can resolve a conflict without yelling in 15 steps:
Thinking Steps
- Assess emotions
- Accept anger, behave well
- Gauge intensity
- Who and what?
- Perspective check
- Time and place
- Avoid coalitions
- Express appropriately
- Listen actively
- Admit fault
- Brainstorm solutions
- Pros and cons
- Decide and plan
- Do it
- Review/revise
Resources:
- Parents Anonymous – It’s ok to seek help
- Tired of Yelling : Teaching Our Children to Resolve Conflict
by Lyndon D. Waugh, Letitia Sweitzer
- The Encouraging Parent : How to Stop Yelling at Your Kids and Start Teaching Them Confidence,Self-Discipline, and Joy
