Month: April 2005

I’m up at 4:30 this morning; I blinked it was 5:30!

TN Lottery has the Cash 4 drawing starting on April 17th.

Time to cook. Tonight: bacon, eggs, toast and crab legs.

Resume programming in two hours.

I’m so bad at asking for help. I’ll undergo unnecessary pain before asking for help. I’d give up limbs to others in need while refusing a bandaid from others for myself. The inability to ask for or graciously accept help must be my greatness weakness.

I made strides today. I swallowed my pride, picked up the phone and began making phone calls to see if I can get on Medicaid or (the defunct) TennCare or something. Shoot. Maybe someone has a grant money that could come our way if we were to do some gestational diabetes study for them. The news seems to imply that if superstars give out $10k and $20k for the right sob story but you won’t catch my children spending the night with any of them. Anyone know a superstar needing a good tax rightoff?

…I must produce:
a laughable sum of money to cover an absurd financial burden

ps. Your referrals for web design and computer maintenance are much appreciated! I’m looking for real estate agents that want a professional website for only $65 per month plus some setup costs.

I just got off the phone with the hospital. We are going to deliver the baby in the living room. Everyone is invited to watch!

A messy desk kills me. I haven’t seen the surface of my desk in a year. I’ve begun the great organization. Having discovered my floor yesterday has motivated me to do more.

Dry erase addiction. I love to work with a dry erase board. I’m very visual so it helps in my teachings and presentations to draw and a dry erase board is just such a beautiful medium for planning.

Do not automatic until the manual process works! A dry erase board also helps you work out processes that can later be automated. My database designs, business rules, etc all begin on dry erase.

Yesterday I re-hung a dry erase board that had be tucked away in the garage. I instantly felt like a saved person!

When I was a child I had the most wonderful recurring dream. I would find myself in a flat, grassy meadow. Toward where the meadow ended was a dense forest. At the end of the trees, my mother and father stood side by side with my little brother in front of them as if they were posing for a picture. Instead I was posing for the picture as they had the camera. I can’t remember if I was instructed or if I just did but next I would backup slowly until I came to the other edge of the meadow which was a sharp cliff. Without hesitation or words I would turn and jump off.

The cool part of the dream is I would wake before ever hitting the ground. I would always wake with a gasp like I had been underwater. And I would be on my back bouncing in the bed as if I really fell and the bed caught me. It was an exhilarating experience and for awhile happened most nights.

Like others, this dream has long since ended.

Because of this dream, for much of my teens I was convinced that my death would be from a high fall probably in the mountains although I presume tall buildings would count. When riding my motorcycle through The Tail of the Dragon (see also) I often would ponder how easily it would be to speed off one of the cliffs and just soar through the air. I bet you could get an incredible amount of hang time! Can you imagine the inner turmoil as the ground rushed up and you mentally fought to stay in the air or struggled to convince gravity that you’d changed your mind?

It is no secret that I’m a thrill seeker; an adrenaline junkie. I like the edge. I like to try to explore my limits. Spelunking, rappelling, and rock climbing have all put me on the verticle side of cliffs. Although I’ve had the pleasure of stalling a glider plane at 1219 meters, I have yet to experience a hang glider or parachuting.

Shortly after my nervous breakdown I took a job in downtown Knoxville at a building with a 5 story parking garage attached to it. The people I worked with were serious smokers and would take their smoke breaks upon the roof of the parking garage. The edge of this parking structure was a nearly chest high with the top of this wall being flat and nearly 40 cm across. I did not smoke but would join them for conversation. My favorite place to be was on this wall and I would get there by taking a few quick strides and launching myself atop it. I guess as I looked down this roughly 16.5 meter drop that I received some thrill. I don’t know why I was doing it. One slip. One trip. One mistake would have fulfilled that childhood prediction of my end.

Don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t hoping for a mistake. I know my bounds and stay confined to them. My margins of safety just extend a little beyond the comfort zone of most people. I’m still a thrill seeker. I like the rush. Now that I have a wife and children who depend on me, my margins have been reeled in a bit but probably are still outside most people’s comfort zone.

The outdoor cat has taken to using our mulch bed as a litter box which is better than just squating in the front yard like she did in the past.

The dog has taken to using our mulch bed as an hors d’oeuvres tray.

Cathy has a meeting at 7pm (11.6 km round trip). I have to get Tommy to STAR by 7pm (51.5 km round trip). Sarah is with her best friend. Amy is going to go with Cathy. And Noah is going with me. 6:30 ding! And they’re off. “Tommy go sit in the car!” “Dad, change Amy’s diaper” “Amy lie down. Wow, you have to take this whole thing off to get to the diaper.” “Someone let the dog out.” “Just pee-pee Daddy. No poop.” “Should I go to the car.” “No[, you’ll fight with your brother].” “Where’s my ____?” “Do I get in the car or the Jeep?” “Someone buckle Amy in.” “Noah hold this towel.” “Ok. Noah go to the Jeep. Take Molly with you but don’t get in. Just stand beside it.” “Come on Amy.” “Where are the dog leashes?” Place leashes, towel etc on hood of Jeep. “Ok Molly. Shake. Shake with the other paw. Clean your back paws.” “Should I let Noah in?” “Not until Molly is in.” Move stuff from hood to inside. “Bye dear! Love you!” “Molly’s clean. Now get in Noah.” 6:37. Two cars to two different exits of the neighborhood.

Where’s my phone?! Must have left it in the red car. Rush back to the house call Cathy. “Nope. I just tried calling you and would have heard it ring.” Walk around the house dialing my phone over and over but its nowhere. Even if it was on vibrate I’d hear it. So tonight our errands had me phoneless.

Finally upon getting home I search the house once more and resolve myself to walk the neighborhood in hopes that it fell from the hood into a nearby neighbor’s yard. I get the urge to check the red car once more and on first try hear nothing. Then on the second attempt I think I detect a vibration. Sure enough. Third attempt and I start triangulating the rhythmic pulses but can’t seem to narrow it down. It’s not between the seat cushion or in the car seat nor in the back of the car or the floor boards. Slowly, my eyes look upward. I gaze at the ceiling as the vibration seems to emanate ever so loudly. Slowly I exit the car and as the climatic music of 2001: A Space Odyssey plays in my head I peer on the roof of the car to discover my cell phone with its little LED flashing "12 missed calls".

I turned a Quad IV into a Quad II! I had a small panic attack and didn’t want to work so I turned toward office cleaning and made some major headway! I found floor!

Just incase you live in the nine counties and didn’t hear, my daughter wants M&Ms.

This morning Sarah missed the bus again. My fault for leaving the house late and it took a full hour to get her to school and back (that included some sitting and waiting for the bus time). I returned to find that I had written down my client meeting in my calendar as 9:00am but was basing my travel time on the 9:30am written on the family calendar. Met the client for 2 hours then went to KUB and got frowned at. Apparently my offering wasn’t large enough. Returned home to try to save Cathy from Amy the Destructor. Two days of folding clean clothes have been launched from the couch and all bedrooms demolished.

The next 45 minutes will be on lunch and trying to slip in some cleaning. Then I spend the rest of the afternoon frantically trying to get programming done.

I’m trying to make one home repair a day. Yesterday I cleared the clog in the condensation drain and reattached the pipe (using duct tape!). The a/c is on!

I woke at midnight, 2am, 3:30, and 4 but could not pull myself from bed until 4:45. I need to start running.

I’ve hit that "I’m really too tired but must keep on going" stage.

I hit another milestone. Now users can only have 1 test in progress at a time. If a “new test” is begun all old attempts are removed. My error? I was recording the new attempt then deleting all unpassed attempts (which happened to include my freshly started new attempt).