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Waking in a box, underwater

Imagine being trapped in a coffin like box having just been plunged into the depths of a lake. Water rushes in as you pound the sides trying to break free. That is what a panic attack feels like and most mornings, that is how I wake up. As I leave the dream world in which I have spent the night fighting my demons, my conscious mind begins to run through the list of things left unaccomplished from yesterday, the list of action items for the day, long term goals, commitments I must keep under any circumstances, health of the children, time flying by, unfulfilled dreams, my aging body losing its health, the needs of my wife, bills that are due or coming due, money, money, money, desires, paperwork and legalities, and it goes on. By the time I fully awoke, my heart is racing and I feel like I’m going to have a heart attack. The dog rests her chin over my ankles consoling me and restraining me to the bed. Using her as an excuse, who wants to disturb the dog?, I pull the covers over my head and try to calm myself. Instead my mind again reviews its frightening list and adds a few things. When I finally rise, my muscles ache and my mind is exhausted.

1 thought on “Waking in a box, underwater

  1. matthew 6:25-34 may help
    Do Not Worry
    25″Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life[b]?

    28″And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

    a relationship with God where you hand these troubles to him helps a lot.

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