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Blog
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Need More Foreplay!
What exactly does it mean when a store’s personal lubricant section is larger than the condom section? I’ll tell you want it means! Too many people are rushing things!
If you smoke after sex, you went too fast!
Granted, a lot of lubricant goes a little way when you’ve got the power tools out for some serious earth moving. And if you are brave enough to search Blingo for senior sex you will find that Google returns 2,080,000 links.Mom! Granddaddy’s bouncing on Granny again!
So, are we being targeted by marketers? Certainly! Fill up the shelves and people that have never used lube before will suddenly start thinking they need it!
Hun, I was gonna buy you one of those tickler things and they had this slick stuff for $16.
Are more dried up crusty old people getting it on? Pfizer thinks so! Are people just getting kinkier? Darn tootin! Why else would prudish lawmakers in states like Alabama be trying to sway the tide with stupid laws that outlaw sex toys?Btw, does anyone else hear banjos? Oh, nevermind, just a pig squealing.
Alright men! Repeat after me. If I am having sex on Friday, foreplay begins on the Wednesday before!
N.B. For people looking for the infamous some ladies prefer their tampons warm comment, it’s here.
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Unmasked
I may have been a huge jackass the other day. It did not come without great guilt. But it did make for a good story!
Did you know that laundry baskets have aerodynamic qualities and that when you angrily throw one down the stairs that the airfoil shape gives it enough lift to smash into your wife’s collectibles?
Noah was going to sleep over with a friend. When they arrived to pick up Noah conversation revealed we were on our way to the store to buy a new laundry basket. In 1977, Billy Joel explained that we all wear masks. We know it. Society has its demands. Scout leaders are supposed to be even tempered and fair to the boys; No one smokes pot except Clinton; And we all drive the speed limit except when no one is looking. Still, we put on our airs, wear the appropriate mask, and try to be Stepford (see also) when in public. Noah’s friend blurts out, "My dad was mad at me once and kicked our laundry basket down the stairs breaking it!" His mother was in shock! Her mask had fallen! So I dropped my mask explaining, "Sounds a lot like how ours broke!" and she relaxed. See, when I threw the basket down the stairs I was angry at Cathy. When I kicked it across the basement shattering the basket, I was angry at myself.
I like not having to wear a mask. Tensions drop and we can enjoy each other’s company so much more. Without a mask, we are truly accepting a person instead of the image we and they think needs to be portrayed. After all, we are all just human and no one is without flaws.
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Woot Off!
We are in a Woot-off! Cool tool for watching inventory and an alarm sounds when products change.
If you find yourself asking, "What’s a woot?" I explain here.
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Have you ever really felt pain?
My stomach hurts. My back and neck hurt. My mind aches. My soul bleeds. I look back hoping to see how far I have come, only to realize, my journey has just begun. I thought they paved the road ahead of me. Perhaps I left the path. This thicket is prickly and dense and makes me long for a second chance. The easy road is over there. No path goes that way. At the end, I wonder if I will look back to realize my journey has just begun, or realize, instead of seeking pain, I should have had fun.
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Morning Frustrations
I planned on being at a client’s office at 7am this morning and skipping lunch so I could get back home for a productive afternoon. However, a nervous stomach and throbbing head kept me in bed. I don’t use an alarm clock but I sure have a snooze alarm. When a 100 pound German Shepherd rolls over on your legs, it is like having an extra feather down quilt thrown over you on a cold, lazy winter Saturday. Molly obviously knew I needed some extra Zzzs.
So, the stomach bug has Cathy too. It’s 9:35am and I have been unable to leave the house. She’s camped out in the water closet, Amy has me cooking cinnamon rolls, and other distractions have kept me chained to these 4 walls.
So, instead of getting anything done, I am pacing the floors and debating just staying home to work on other high priority projects.
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What do you dream?
Last night I dreamt that I solved a mathematical proof that no one else had ever done. I was in a debate with colleagues over how the equation would graph and in the dream I held a piece of graph paper where we had begun our chart of the data. It was evident that the equation would graphic either into a logarithmic curve or an endless spiral.
In another dream, I had gone back to school and was living in a single dorm room in Greeve Hall, an all boys dorm on the UT campus, but in the dream it was located on the same side of the street as Clement Hall. One part of the dream had something to do with playing cards. Another part had to do with my friend Vania making a huge cry for attention by climbing to an unsafe height and announcing to the corridor that he had a plan. The head resident, a woman, disgusted with me how she felt he was making an huge cry for attention. The dream had great detail from the cherry hand rails to the elaborate paneling on the walls and a jaunt outside revealed a store on the first floor with a variety of vividly colored items inside.
The second dream did not top the proof dream. I woke almost able to write out the formula.
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Feels like someone’s messin with me
So my development server is suddenly giving me 404s instead of webpages. Ok. I can deal. Let’s take a break and get a round tuit and figure out why Noah’s sound on his computer isn’t working. See, I have a game I want to share with him. We got the sound working but the game which lives on my desk is no where to be found. So all things constant appear to be in flux today. This isn’t right!
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The Coffee Diaries – Day 1
Yesterday the coffee ran out. Today the harsh reality settles in that the bean is gone. The black gunk of life is no longer with us. There can be no denial. It just isn’t here!
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Happy Birthday Evan!
Two weeks ago it was Cathy’s birthday. This past Thursday, Noah turned 11 years old. Today Evan turns two! Two very fast years. When Amy was born, I bought a book and started writing her a letter a day which became a letter a week, then none at all. When Evan was born, I bought a book and never put word one in it. Ah! Good intentions replaced by actual doings. The upcoming birthdays are Amy turning five on June 10 and Sarah turning 14 on June 24 then Tommy turns 17 on August 15.
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Can you cope?
Cathy posted regarding her cycle of stress by which she feeds her headaches. Dr Michael Benjamin (or a robot representing Dr Benjamin or possibly a consulting group in India) commented on Cathy’s post (which is slightly ironic because one of Cathy’s degrees are in Psychology). Kris and Cathy both visited the good doctor’s myRay site and liked it. Naturally, I had to take a moment to see how crazy I am. The results? I short I’m a disappointed, angry, critical control freak that feels excessive guilt, burdens myself with responsibility that isn’t mine, craves more intimacy, and desperately needs a steak. A brief clipping:
- You have a tendency to think and analyze. This is very important to you.
- You do not seem to be able to “think your way out” of stress.
- You can easily get into a vicious circle and feel perplexed.
This causes you to think more with increasingly fewer results for your thoughts.
[Source]
And the best sentence in the evaluation (which regular readers of Reality Me will appreciate): It is easier to be more open when writing, than in face-to-face relationships..
The detailed results: