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I sure could use a cup of hot coffee

Next time someone at the office says they "need a cup of hot coffee" sue them for sexual harassment!

"cup of hot coffee" — a euphemism for sex

Looks like Joseph Lieberman and Hillary Rodham Clinton are jumping on the censorship bandwagon. What happened to the "inform the parents and let them make decisions for their children" bandwagon? The government really should not be dictating morals for me nor should they be trying to raise my kids.

Thanks to Appalachistan for the link!
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I will die

I’m not sure why they want to speed the process along. I mean, I don’t have a good life insurance policy or something beneficial. But I am quite certainly my family is making a calculated effort at trying to give me a heart attack.

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Anti-spy

I advocate the use of Lavasoft’s Adaware (I’ve gone so far as to become a reseller of their Plus version). I also highly recommend Spybot Search N Destroy. I have always been very wary of other programs as potential trojans claiming that they are scanning when in reality they are installing or removing all but their own adware or spyware. I just found a fantastic list of such evil programs. I know nothing about spywarewarrior but this list will be read by me quite a bit now.

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Finding Opportunities

Finding time to do all the things that need to get done and want to get done isn’t easy. Usually weekends need to be spent on family and home maintenance. Cathy and I have discussed expanding the kids horizons with experiences such as PYO farms. Kids need experiences to grow. Often we write off a weekend in the name of getting things done. Forgetting that our children don’t care about work and responsibility is inexcusable. Finding the time to help them experience people, places and things other than a Playstation, television or Internet chat is essential.

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Universal Conservation of Knowledge

I was having a conversation with my brother-in-law when it suddenly dawned on me that I’m growing stupid. See, I used to have a fairly decent grasp of the English language with good spelling skills and proper grammar. In our conversation I accidentally used the word "immigrating" when I meant "emigrating." After enduring the mandatory southern education joke I had the following epiphany:

I blame the kids.

See. I used to spel gooder had decent grammer and what not. But I never realized that when they say "knowledge is gained" that they really meant it. See I thought "knowledge is gained" meant if you study hard you will "learn" but apparently there is a conservation of knowledge in the universe. So as one person gains knowledge, others must give it up. Kids gain knowledge at such a rapid rate that parents come across as babbling idiots. Society blames it on them "being tired" when in reality they have truly become "babbling idiots" which also explains why teenagers feel that they know more than their parents; in all likelihood, they do.

With the number of kids we have at the age ranges and the gross knowledge transfer, Cathy and I are lucky that we are smart enough to get out of bed in the morning.

This also explains why there will always be someone dumber than yourself that you have to deal with unless of course you just happen to be the dumbest person in the universe in which case your best friend is probably a rock.