Reality Me

When I was a child I had the most wonderful recurring dream. I would find myself in a flat, grassy meadow. Toward where the meadow ended was a dense forest. At the end of the trees, my mother and father stood side by side with my little brother in front of them as if they were posing for a picture. Instead I was posing for the picture as they had the camera. I can’t remember if I was instructed or if I just did but next I would backup slowly until I came to the other edge of the meadow which was a sharp cliff. Without hesitation or words I would turn and jump off.

The cool part of the dream is I would wake before ever hitting the ground. I would always wake with a gasp like I had been underwater. And I would be on my back bouncing in the bed as if I really fell and the bed caught me. It was an exhilarating experience and for awhile happened most nights.

Like others, this dream has long since ended.

Because of this dream, for much of my teens I was convinced that my death would be from a high fall probably in the mountains although I presume tall buildings would count. When riding my motorcycle through The Tail of the Dragon (see also) I often would ponder how easily it would be to speed off one of the cliffs and just soar through the air. I bet you could get an incredible amount of hang time! Can you imagine the inner turmoil as the ground rushed up and you mentally fought to stay in the air or struggled to convince gravity that you’d changed your mind?

It is no secret that I’m a thrill seeker; an adrenaline junkie. I like the edge. I like to try to explore my limits. Spelunking, rappelling, and rock climbing have all put me on the verticle side of cliffs. Although I’ve had the pleasure of stalling a glider plane at 1219 meters, I have yet to experience a hang glider or parachuting.

Shortly after my nervous breakdown I took a job in downtown Knoxville at a building with a 5 story parking garage attached to it. The people I worked with were serious smokers and would take their smoke breaks upon the roof of the parking garage. The edge of this parking structure was a nearly chest high with the top of this wall being flat and nearly 40 cm across. I did not smoke but would join them for conversation. My favorite place to be was on this wall and I would get there by taking a few quick strides and launching myself atop it. I guess as I looked down this roughly 16.5 meter drop that I received some thrill. I don’t know why I was doing it. One slip. One trip. One mistake would have fulfilled that childhood prediction of my end.

Don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t hoping for a mistake. I know my bounds and stay confined to them. My margins of safety just extend a little beyond the comfort zone of most people. I’m still a thrill seeker. I like the rush. Now that I have a wife and children who depend on me, my margins have been reeled in a bit but probably are still outside most people’s comfort zone.

The outdoor cat has taken to using our mulch bed as a litter box which is better than just squating in the front yard like she did in the past.

The dog has taken to using our mulch bed as an hors d’oeuvres tray.

Cathy has a meeting at 7pm (11.6 km round trip). I have to get Tommy to STAR by 7pm (51.5 km round trip). Sarah is with her best friend. Amy is going to go with Cathy. And Noah is going with me. 6:30 ding! And they’re off. “Tommy go sit in the car!” “Dad, change Amy’s diaper” “Amy lie down. Wow, you have to take this whole thing off to get to the diaper.” “Someone let the dog out.” “Just pee-pee Daddy. No poop.” “Should I go to the car.” “No[, you’ll fight with your brother].” “Where’s my ____?” “Do I get in the car or the Jeep?” “Someone buckle Amy in.” “Noah hold this towel.” “Ok. Noah go to the Jeep. Take Molly with you but don’t get in. Just stand beside it.” “Come on Amy.” “Where are the dog leashes?” Place leashes, towel etc on hood of Jeep. “Ok Molly. Shake. Shake with the other paw. Clean your back paws.” “Should I let Noah in?” “Not until Molly is in.” Move stuff from hood to inside. “Bye dear! Love you!” “Molly’s clean. Now get in Noah.” 6:37. Two cars to two different exits of the neighborhood.

Where’s my phone?! Must have left it in the red car. Rush back to the house call Cathy. “Nope. I just tried calling you and would have heard it ring.” Walk around the house dialing my phone over and over but its nowhere. Even if it was on vibrate I’d hear it. So tonight our errands had me phoneless.

Finally upon getting home I search the house once more and resolve myself to walk the neighborhood in hopes that it fell from the hood into a nearby neighbor’s yard. I get the urge to check the red car once more and on first try hear nothing. Then on the second attempt I think I detect a vibration. Sure enough. Third attempt and I start triangulating the rhythmic pulses but can’t seem to narrow it down. It’s not between the seat cushion or in the car seat nor in the back of the car or the floor boards. Slowly, my eyes look upward. I gaze at the ceiling as the vibration seems to emanate ever so loudly. Slowly I exit the car and as the climatic music of 2001: A Space Odyssey plays in my head I peer on the roof of the car to discover my cell phone with its little LED flashing "12 missed calls".

I turned a Quad IV into a Quad II! I had a small panic attack and didn’t want to work so I turned toward office cleaning and made some major headway! I found floor!

Just incase you live in the nine counties and didn’t hear, my daughter wants M&Ms.

This morning Sarah missed the bus again. My fault for leaving the house late and it took a full hour to get her to school and back (that included some sitting and waiting for the bus time). I returned to find that I had written down my client meeting in my calendar as 9:00am but was basing my travel time on the 9:30am written on the family calendar. Met the client for 2 hours then went to KUB and got frowned at. Apparently my offering wasn’t large enough. Returned home to try to save Cathy from Amy the Destructor. Two days of folding clean clothes have been launched from the couch and all bedrooms demolished.

The next 45 minutes will be on lunch and trying to slip in some cleaning. Then I spend the rest of the afternoon frantically trying to get programming done.

I’m trying to make one home repair a day. Yesterday I cleared the clog in the condensation drain and reattached the pipe (using duct tape!). The a/c is on!

I woke at midnight, 2am, 3:30, and 4 but could not pull myself from bed until 4:45. I need to start running.

I’ve hit that "I’m really too tired but must keep on going" stage.

I hit another milestone. Now users can only have 1 test in progress at a time. If a “new test” is begun all old attempts are removed. My error? I was recording the new attempt then deleting all unpassed attempts (which happened to include my freshly started new attempt).

This is killing me. Amy is bawling because she wants to go outside and play but she’s not dressed and I’m trying to get something major completed in the next half hour so I can get an email off by close of business.

I’m denying her the outside. That’s evil!

I’ve probably been at the computer a good 9 hours today which rocks. But I could stand to put in another 14 hours. The afternoons particularly on these beautiful days are just so hard especially at task changing time. Focus. Focus. Focus!

I have hit a good stopping point on one task and am now refocusing on the next major programming task. Accomplish feels good!

YES! I learned much about using the PHP function usort() to sort arrays of objects. Much fun! I’ll have to write it up sometime. That was a major roadblock and super milestone for one client.

Yesterday I had the pleasure of hiking in the Smokies with 9 women!

We started out by using my favorite shortcut through Metcalf Bottoms to get to the Sugarland Visitor’s Center where the Girls Scouts had the unique pleasure of speaking with Toni, the oldest Ranger in the park. Toni’s grandmother raising 13 children by herself owned acreage across the street from where the Visitor’s Center now sits and sold the land to the government for $11 an acre then turned to servantship for the rich women of Pigeon Forge. She spoke to the girls of “Leave No Trace” and took questions. It was quite a treat for the girls (although they may not appreciate it for years to come) and I’ve never heard them so quiet. I followed Toni’s talk with a quote from the forward of Caves of Tennessee

Take nothing but pictures;
Leave nothing but footprints;
[Waste]* nothing but time.

*I remembered the quote wrong. “Waste” should have been “Kill”.

I could have listened to Toni for hours!

We started our hikes at the Sugarland Nature Trail which is a paved path slightly less than a mile long and circular. The book Great Smoky Mountains National Park Scavenger Hike Adventures and Mountain Journal by Kat LaFevre and John LaFevre kept the “I’m bored”s at bay and encouraged the girls to move along the trail.

We had lunch at Noah Ogle‘s house.(see picture and see some of the hike). The amount of vandalism was depressing. Please don’t write or carve on historic structures! Your damage cannot be undone! We hiked the more rugged 1.2 kilometer trail. The girls were so noisy that I believe all the wildlife in the Smokies quite possibly ran to the Rockies. In trying to keep the group together and help them be observant of the nature around them, I was just as loud or louder than the girls. As if to prove a point to them, a deer showed up on the trail. After that the girls were very quiet! We also saw fresh, what we thought to be, bear cub prints in the mud. This makes me think perhaps it was a fox.

A great time was had by all! Of course, we ended our day at Little Rivers for ice cream.

I just spent 20 minutes writing a beautiful post to have it vanish into the ether!

The lesson: Before publishing a post, cntl-a to select all, then if the post fails you can try again with a cntl-v to paste your post.