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All my life I’ve been a good person and try to go out of my way to help others often at my own sacrifice or expense. When I was 8 years old I had a moral delimia. As a scout, we went to a farm to ride horses. I was the last to pick my horse and I had to decide between the largest horse and a donkey. The event was for the scouts and one of the older sisters of another scout was there and would ride whichever beast I did not choose. Even though I wanted to ride the largest horse, I felt the chivalrous act would be to give her the large horse while I chose the donkey. That sums up the way I have lived my life. It is probably the act that put that type of behavior in motion for me. Of course, you could say I just let myself get walked on an used.

I do not know how to ask for help. I have been trying to get a job since the beginning of the year and keep getting turned down with excuses like “you are over qualified” or “we can’t afford you.” Now my family is down to the final pieces of our last roll of toilet paper and the gas is almost gone in the car. As a matter of fact, I think I’ve been so helped that my karma has run out. It’s time to go work at McDonald’s.

Had a decent bit of advice today. I was told “water down your resume.”

A New Day!

Let’s start the day off with a PayPal donation link:

This Morning

Went to sleep last night at roughly 12:30. Tried to convince myself to stay up and work but I needed a couple of hours of shuteye. Woke at 5am to lie in bed pondering how our last few coins should be spent–toilet paper and maybe a half gallon (1.8 liter) of gas. Thoughts shifted to “how can I get out of bed and get dressed without waking the dog because if she wakes before I am dressed to take her out then she will pee while I am getting dressed.” That thought bought me 15 minutes of lounging time. Rose at 5:40 get get dressed and clean up the mess that apparently some rogue horse snuck into our house and left for us last night.

I claim the dog is house broken. It now knows that once I take it outside, the minute we come back insides is the minute to empy bladder and bowels.

* Questions regarding a quote sent to client. Ballpark included.

* Discussion on status of 2nd quote over the phone. Working quote now.

* Bath. It’s kind of hard to express how significant this is.

* Cooked dinner

* 3rd grade parent orientation

* Watched Penn & Teller – Bullsh*t! on legalizing drugs. I for one don’t believe Penn has never done drugs.

* Spoke with a friend about selling his product

I have no voice

I have lost my desire to speak

I build sand castles

This one I built too weak

Too many gains of sand

Too much thinking

Not enough water to drink.

Yes, this one is large

But it is weak.

This one was fine

But in my clumsiness

I stepped on it.

It is ok. We made repairs.

But then I stepped on it again.

The first castle crumbled some

And caused more damange

To this one fine creation.

The second castle is neat.

It stands alone

Separate from the others

But not untainted by their shadows.

This castle has sound engineering

And award winning architecture

But it stands alone.

There is sand in this bucket

That wants to be a castle.

It is so eagar.

Its particles spill from the container.

What will it be? Nothing without me.

However, I screwed up the other three.

There is sand in this bucket.

Stay there and I’ll protect thee.

These castles are built upon a hill.

It is strong and provides a wonderful foundation.

I undermine it. I steal its dirt from the base

To use for the castles upon its crest.

I undermine it and destroy the foundation

That provides for the other crumbling castles.

One other castle beneath this hill

Washed away so long ago.

The sands spread among the tears of the Ocean

Perhaps return to the beach one day to become

An insignificant part of yet another

Poorly built castle.

Oh look! I was mistaken.

I build my castles in the sky

Now the rain comes

And washes my sand to the by and by.

–DM 8/04

* Last night sat down with a partner of mine and discussed a quote for a website. Some more details to be worked out. Everything will collapse before anything comes to fruition but at least I’m not going down without a fight

* A client paid a same sum last night into paypal. 3 days later it will arrive in my back account provided the account hasn’t been shutoff by then. Of course the payment will just about cover the fees that have accumulated at that point.

* Another resume submitted! This one for a DBA position. I would enjoy a fulltime job just working on a database.

* Called to inquire about a computer tech job at a doctor’s office. Will fax resume to them shortly.

Student: How do I ask for help?

Teacher: Just like that.

A New Day!

Let’s start the day off with a PayPal donation link:

This Morning

Woke this morning at 2:05am to a smell that I was certain meant the dog and a major dump. I was not looking forward to cleaning this one up and initially pulled the covers over my head to ignore it but it permeated strongly everywhere and I got up to find it. I searched and searched. As I looked in the office and woke a little more I realized that I wasn’t smelling dog mess but skunk. Something must have had an altercation with a skunk last night directly behind the house. It was horrible! And usually I don’t mind the smell of skunk.

Well I was awake enough to get working but allowed the bed to pull me back in. I muted the television thinking the light would awaken me and encourage me to get dressed and get to work. At 4am I turned the television off. At 6am I rose.

The bus driver did as he promised and turned into the neighborhood. I almost convinced him to do the full loop! Can you imagine the parents excitement as the bus drove past their house! Unfortunately he must have changed his mind and took the first shortcut out of the neighborhood. But this holds so much promise! Now to figure out the middle school stop.

* Earlier I got some database redesign concerning the login security accomplished on my overseas project

* The kayak washing has begun to prepare it for sale.

* The domain transfers appear near completion. Left to do: a) make sure the inlaws can retrieve their unretrieved mail and b) send a letter cancelling the previous hosting.

Kudos to the new host! The transfer was seamless!

* Touched base with one client regarding additional work and scheduled it for 1.5-2 weeks out

I submitted a resume! The job actually referenced ColdFusion!

Making payment arrangements with Cingular so that they don’t cut off my phone. Kind of hard to get a job if people can’t call you. Good. Done. Now they cut me off on the first of September.

This picture and caption are a perfect example of the stronghanded, Orwellian tactics that the Bush supporters wish to see implemented throughout our country. They are insecure submissives that lack control of their own lives and would happily give up their freedoms to have someone impose control on them. By George [pun] I’ve figured it out! Pro-Busher’s need therapy!!

Amy is such a big girl now. It’s fun to watch her as she makes decisions. She is eatting her first cheese toast (that I know of) and she goes to her table and pulls her chair out all without a thought never moving her eyes from Dora. Then a big yawn!

Now, don’t get me wrong. I think the same thing about each of the children but the older ones often engage me more while they are doing their wonders and I don’t get the pleasure of writing about them.

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be staring at your last roll of toilet paper unsure of what you will do when it is gone? Counting down to the last diaper? Wondering if you should be watering down the milk and apple juice? Intentionally skipping meals to make sure that your children do not go without? Calculating how many miles the car can go before you run out of gas and pondering how many interviews that will get you and if you get a job how many work days you will make before having to tell the boss you don’t have transportation? Knowing that you could take the bus but recognizing that the bus requires money that you don’t have? Wondering how resumes will get submitted and jobs found for an IT person without an Internet connection?

It’s not much fun.

I scavenged enough gas from the lawn mower can to get Cathy to her luncheon meeting and back today.

Now to program for an hour.