Reality Me

* I’d kill to have my 2nd monitor back

* over tired 7 yr olds now fighting. I see the advantage of working at an office. My urge is to go upstairs and help.

* created visual aid to encourage the 13 yr old to Respective, Have a positive attitude and be productive. However, he only cares about himself and it won’t make a difference. He’s up there banging on the table again and acting retarded.

* 13 yr old now stomping on the floor directly above my head while I try to work. 19mth old awake.

* 13 yr old really trying hard to make us angry. Making noises, trying to irrate and engage us

* It’s done. I’ve finally achieved the possibility of a 4 day work week.. A long time goal and I have turned it down. The damage to the family would be far to great. I feel like an idiot.

* I feel horrible for losing my temper.

* Beef jerk on dehydrator

* Working on php/mysql – time to don the headphones

* 1 hour to decide on the 11mth contract. They’ve asked if I were to do a 12×4 (Mon-Thur) if that would make a difference. Crap crap crap! I could have a paycheck by next Friday.

* 9:27 wife still in bed with a migraine. I should be calling my client to say I’m done but I still have some solid work to do. Baby is unwatched. 13 yr old is trying to have a fight. I haven’t been able to bathe and get dressed. Sears has called and I uncomfortably wrote them a check for 2/7. Employment agency called and asked if I could do 12 hours a day Monday – Thursday to make the contract happen. * Proceeded to go upstairs and do battle with the 13yr old. I reverted to my old forceful ways and handled him wrongly. I’ve been doing so much better. I am very disappointed in myself. I pushed him into the bathroom causing him to scream and disturb the 7yr old and his friend, the baby staring in confusion, and wake the wife. He refused to do anything but sit on the floor screaming so I pushed his 170+ pounds half way into the tub and began watering his head down. I left and when I returned he still refused to make any move so I put him in the tub and turned the water on where he proceeded to simply sit and let the water cover his jeans. — I shouldn’t take my anger and frustration out on others. Yes, he was picking a fight since he woke up, had several times baited me with yelling and anger but I should have more tolerance. Turns out he is in a bad mood because the other kids have today off but he is being made to do schoolwork today since he really didn’t work this past week as hard as he should (and he has it pretty easy).

A New Day!

Let’s start the day off with a PayPal donation link:

This Morning

* The 7yr old and friend were up at 7:30. The 19mth old was up at 7. I really wanted to sleep in. Brought her upstairs 7:30ish for breakfast and tv babysitting.

Last Night

* I was up at 1:45am and ready to go. Should have stayed awake and worked. The 7yr old and his friend sleeping over were still up.

* I just flung white glue throughout the innards of our nicest dvd player.

* Always have focus problems in the afternoons. I should work like 4am – 1pm. Wife at store with the girls. 7yr and 3 friends were upstairs. We are now down to 2. Kept the 13yr old from them but have released him to do whatever he wants now.

Hey! That bridge is a burnin!

Turned down an opportunity to work for Fedex. I’m in shock. I’ve chosen family. “No success at work is worth failure in the home.” What if I fail to cloth, feed and house my family? I’m nearly shaking.

* turn down $39/hr and no benes or not??

* 7 yr old and friend home. 13 yr old’s school work is magically complete.

* just wasted an hour watching the 13 yr old practice handwriting. He was pissed because I wouldn’t allow him to use old work as “I just did this” and I made him actually do the assignment correctly. Lots of yelling from him but I kept myself calm, quiet and to the point.