When the cat starts howling in warning that it is going to wretch then starts doing the whole gag while turning its body into a slinky thing on your couch, wrestling with it will not stop the hair ball from coming and once you dig the claws out of the couch holding the cat at shoulder height will only result in an Andy Warholish splatter paint of horribleness on the living room floor…saved the couch though.
Durex has brought us the future!
My favorite condom company, Durex, is bringing us the future! There’s not a geek that since the time of 300 baud dial up and ascii port who has not imagined the possibly of combining a serial port and sex toys for long distance love. Durex has created Fundawear, a combination of vibrating underwear and iPhones for what Durex deems the ultimate in foreplay.
Frankly, Durex’s vision of touch over the Internet looks pretty fun. Looks targeted toward couples but the potential seems enormous for masturbation or enhancing the experience with those paid Internet porn cam sites. Imagine a single person on Chaturbate wearing these! I can see a new iPhone app now. "RandomVibe" with choices such as "Use BlueTooth to touch a stranger within 30 feet" making subway rides exciting or "Wifi a stranger on your network" making office romance safer or "Randomly touch someone on the Internet" for Worldgasms. Ah! What about one app that allowed you to touch multiple people for "the virtual orgy!" If the generation of free love thought the sex partiers of the 80s and 90s were strange and those generations found themselves envious of the past decade and a half or so of shrinking clothing, lycra, rainbow parties, and oral and anal are okay because I still have my virginity and can keep wearing my ring, their minds will melt with the potential for the next two generations of virtual, supersafe, sex.
Of course, it feels like I’ve seen this before:
See also: Gizmodo and h/t to Angel Stewart.
Lunch and forgiveness
Dear Lard which art in my belly, Harden be my arteries.
Thy heart attack come,
Thy fat be in views, as it is in muscle.
Give me this day my daily quarter pounder.
And forgive me this meal, as we forgive others.
The Golden Arches of temptation,
Deliver us early: into thine grave,
and the salt, oh the salt, high blood pressure.
Ack!
"So, how’d you end up in Hell?"
"Clogged arteries."
Of Grasshoppers
Student: I took my eye off the ball.
Master: How’s the bruise?
My guess
I hesitate to make this post but I have to say it. Yesterday was tax day…in Boston. I bet the bomber was some lunatic from the Tea Party. The Tea Party connection will be denied but this will turn out to be some fearful American who has bought into the ramblings of Rush Limbaugh, Alex Jones and the like. You want your country safe? It’s time to end the fear mongering, lose the hate, give some hugs, and start acting like Americans again. Make America rationale again.
Today’s song
An epiphany
Ah! I figured it out. Thirty years or so ago some bastard put a "kick me" sign on my back and I forgot to take it off!
Bad things are happening in Boston…and good things are too
Patton Oswalt says this far more eloquently than I could but echos my sentiment. Yes, horror is happening in Boston right now. However, great things are happening there too and elsewhere. Somewhere a baby is being born. A life is being saved. Someone is sharing a smile with someone else who needed it.
Status Update
By Patton Oswalt
Boston. Fucking horrible.I remember, when 9/11 went down, my reaction was, "Well, I’ve had it with humanity."
But I was wrong. I don’t know what’s going to be revealed to be behind all of this mayhem. One human insect or a poisonous mass of broken sociopaths.
But here’s what I DO know. If it’s one person or a HUNDRED people, that number is not even a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a percent of the population on this planet. You watch the videos of the carnage and there are people running TOWARDS the destruction to help out. (Thanks FAKE Gallery founder and owner Paul Kozlowski for pointing this out to me). This is a giant planet and we’re lucky to live on it but there are prices and penalties incurred for the daily miracle of existence. One of them is, every once in awhile, the wiring of a tiny sliver of the species gets snarled and they’re pointed towards darkness.
But the vast majority stands against that darkness and, like white blood cells attacking a virus, they dilute and weaken and eventually wash away the evil doers and, more importantly, the damage they wreak. This is beyond religion or creed or nation. We would not be here if humanity were inherently evil. We’d have eaten ourselves alive long ago.
So when you spot violence, or bigotry, or intolerance or fear or just garden-variety misogyny, hatred or ignorance, just look it in the eye and think, "The good outnumber you, and we always will."
H/t Danny.
As a reminder, news is bad for you – and giving up reading it will make you happier.
Ladies, take that bra off!
Yes, you can burn those bras with confidence. Sagging boobies? According to a 15-year study led by professor Jean-Denis Rouillon, your bra may be contributing to sagging breasts while not wearing a bra will help keep them…um, perky.
"Medically, physiologically, anatomically – breasts gain no benefit from being denied gravity. On the contrary, they get saggier with a bra," Professor Rouillon told France Info radio on Wednesday.
[Image Source, Venusian Glow, Does this bra fit ? How do I tell ?][Source, The Local,Women better off without bras: French study]
If you can believe one of the commenters, she supports this idea of losing support:
Maia • 14 hours ago ?
I haven’t worn a bra in almost 20 years, I’m 50 this year, and my breasts are in perfect shape – they feel no different from when I was 20.
Of course, I think she should show us pictures for proof 🙂
Dear Dad
Thank you for allowing me to live. Looking back, it is unclear to me how I am alive and you are not in jail. Love, Son.
Deep Thoughts
I will never be as young as I was yesterday.
What a great day!
This is my 2nd day back from vacation. I really wanted another 2 to 3 weeks of vacation. That aside, this day has been wonderfully productive! Good things are happening. The future is bright!
Vacation was great
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Today’s accomplishment — iPod brought back to life!
For Christmas, Amy and Evan received iPods. About three weeks ago, Evan’s iPod was in his coat pocket when the coat went through the washing machine. Fortunately it was discovered before going through the dryer. I immediately pried the case open (it is held together with a glue strip) and removed the screws holding the mother board in to lift it for slightly for drying. I grabbed a Tupperware container and put the open device in it, covered with a papertowel, then poured two pounds of rice into the container. Next I went to Amazon to order five new adhesive strip stickers
Today marks a new chapter
I’m turning over a new leaf. Today I walked to lunch. I return to daily exercise, getting things done, and a positive attitude. The future is bright. Good things are happening.
