Posted on

I feel the Reaper staring at me

On days like today, I wonder if I’ll make it another 10 years.

In my single digit years, I never pondered my own demise. In my teens, I wanted to be immortal. In my teens and twenties, I acted like I was immortal, feared nothing, pushed beyond my limits with everything, and challenged Death. My thirties have seen me fatigued, mentally and physically worn out, and a focus on my children instead of me; mortally has different meaning to me now. For my sake and theirs, I hope that I am in the middle of my life and not at the end.

Posted on

Clear your mind for sleep

Yesterday I had the pleasure of cuddling with my wife for an hour and a half long nap. I thought of nothing but my wife and it was the deepest, most restful sleep I have had in ages.

Last night I "slept" for 7 hours (when I intended an hour and a half) having an anxiety attack in my dreams, tossing and turning, waking on the hour every hour, dreaming of work-solutions-medical problems-money-paperwork-mistakes of my past, and talking in my sleep. I felt better before I laid down last night.