Month: August 2004

In times of stressful situations

Never does these seem to be

Ends to the opportunities to do

Everything grows in importance

Dauntingly the tasks loom

Ambivalence takes hold

Sometimes I know what should be done

Most often I cannot move

A dull throbbing in my head

Louder and louder it groans

Lamenting my failures inside its echos

Sensibly I should pick anything

Using a simple task to overcome

Crushing the overwhelmed feeling

Caressing the wounded mind

Energizing the self to do more

Small success brings greater success

Success brings satisfaction

–DM 8/29/04

Helped a friend with some electrical issues. I like electrical work.

Returned home in hopes of getting some cleaning and programming done but all I could do is get the macintosh ready to hand over to the kids (must figure out how to backup the whole thing — roughly 2 gigs). I have a irrational attachment to it. It also appears that VirtuaGirl (WARNING! Adult content. Not safe for work. May have one popup.) is installed on it but so far only clothed girls have walked the desktop.

Cooked dinner and now sit here pondering the next move.

A New Day!

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This Morning

Morning plans altered greatly making me frustrated.

Tick Tock Tick Tock Clock Clock Clock.

Waaay too much to do in waaay too little time.

If I try to think about it all I’m bound to loose my mind.

Turn everything into a game. Stay sane.

Use your brain to get ahead. Work smarter not harder.

Do not be ashamed to ask for help.

You have given perhaps its your turn to receive.

Humility will not offer its hand.

Computer maintenance stage 1 done. Much more to do there.

MBNA offer to settle reduced from 50% to 40%.

A New Day!

Let’s start the day off with a PayPal donation link:

This Morning

Rough night last night.

Amy was so cute this morning. I need to record her doing this. She woke and started calling for her sister (from Sarah’s bed of course). “Seeer rah” “Seeer rAh!” then “NOooo AH” over and over. Never angry that no one replied. Noah usually saves her but he was caught up in the television.

I can’t get Amy to hug or kiss Noah. She used to. What happened?

I’m off to repair another computer. Have another couple to schedule after that.

Picture at Phlog

My comment to my brother’s blog regarding our great grandmother. I have been trying to think of a way to write about her, the correct story, the best memory. Dean prompts this:

—-

And round push button light switches that thunked when you pushed them. They were alluring.

I still remember the smell of the place. And the alcove between the living room and the kitchen where the toy chest was kept.

The 20 cats.

The wasp nest under the swing. Was you or I that got stung?

The bees in the fig tree that didn’t mind the boys climbing it.

The fresh figs.

The games of chase under the grape fine.

Choking on a lemon drop and hiding in a bedroom so no one would know.

The ditch and church on the other side.

Most of all, I remember the scratchy voice of that kind woman, her dark rimmed glasses, the wrinked face, the gray hair pulled back in a bun, a skinny frame but still gravity had pulled her mass downward trying to reshape her as a bell, her hands, and her cane.

Another call from Sears where they try to sound like they want to help me all the while trying to degrade me into paying something. “Don’t you have any income? How are you feeding your kids? You have to have income. Can’t they skip a meal so you can pay us?”

A New Day!

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This Morning

Woke at 3:30. Could not take the stench. Apparently the dog just had to go. She is trying for the papers and that is a good thing. So I cleaned up her mess and was wide awake thinking, “Productivity time!” Then I thought, I really should wait until 4 or 4:30 to go to the computer. Woke at 6am and stared at the clock until 6:07 when Noah came down to tell me it was time to get up. 8 more minutes of self torture for allowing myself to be seduced back into bed.

Today is to be all about drywall and electrical wiring at two different locations. This evening we will enjoy a meal with friends. I’m torn. We don’t get invited out much and when we do we have childcare issues. This is not a time to be dabbling in the luxuries of finer dining but this outing will be very healthy for Cathy and I mentally and we like the couple that has invited us out. I would like to grow our friendship.

Amy caught a huge burst of giddy energy just before she was supposed to be going to bed so she came down to our bed instead, lay down, and pulled the covers to her chin. Then the motor mouth started. It was amazing comversation. She was identifying everything in the room, going through body parts, identifying toys, and more. Then I got the brilliant idea to audblog it and she immediately went quiet. So this is almost 2 minutes of me prompting for dialog.

* Major electrical accomplish at friend’s house

* Had to cancel lunch date

* Computer returned to residential maintenance client

MBNA called while I was at the client’s and apparently thought that by being rude and yelling at me loudly that I would magically poop money and pay them something. Really, if they’d give me one more month I’m sure I could appease them.

Amy just put her tiny arms above her head, arched her back slightly and eeked out, “streeettch!”

6:09am rolls around and I’m busting a move. I’m in productivity mode. I’m getting coding done! But its time to wake Sarah. I try to get in her room but the door sticks and wakes Amy. I try to get Amy back down but she insists on being held. I hold her as she tightly squeezes my neck, a feeling I love, and I stir Sarah instructing her with a pointed finger on how to leave the room without Amy seeing her. It fails. Amy notices the empty bed. I hold her and rock her and she starts to fall asleep on my shoulder. Suddenly from the living room there is a rustle of papers as if someone were ripping a book to shreds. Amy’s head bolts upright. Apparently Noah reached a point in one of his books where he could create an animation by rapidly flipping the pages.

Tis ok. I brought myself to a stopping point then Amy and I walked the dog for a 2nd time.

Noah rises at 5:40am unprompted by me (I was downstairs and silent).

A New Day!

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This Morning

Wahoo! Woke at 4:15 and was dressed, walked the dog and returned to the computer by 4:30! Unfortunately I could not rise without disturbing the dog which in turn disturbed the wife. This dog is wearing me out.

This day is going to be packed. The morning starts off with electrical wiring and hopefully drywall. Lunch is networking that hopefully leads to sales. After lunch I return a computer to a maintenance client. Return to drywall.

Yesterday

Maintenance on a computer for a business client. Picked up the kayak from consignment to sell to a friend. Raced to my drywalling work but the overrun on repair time and time picking up the kayak cut into their scheduled time and they needed to go. We agreed that it be best to put the work off until tomorrow. I took the kayak to my friend and we completed the sale. I agreed to get some drywalling done for him before the first of September.

Moving from computers to general contracting?

Last Night

Had a special moment with Sarah last night. The dog chewed up her glasses so we went together to the eye glass store. I need to create more opportunities for one on one time with each of the children. We had fun and it was just our time. I think Cathy and I each need to pick a child per week and have a one on one opportunity.