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Struggling for Calm

For the past several days the thoughts in my mind have been like a New York subway at rush hour. Everything non-congruent. Nothing contiguous. It’s made working very difficult.

The thoughts are frequently useless. I spent what felt like several hours in bed this morning half way between sleep and awake thinking of the Year 2000 bug and how to fix it. For the life of me I could not get away from such ridiculous thinking.

A throb. A blur.
What was I thinking?
On task until that sound I heard.
I digress. What got us here?
Can’t remember something
Only moments ago.
Came for reason
But now don’t know.
Want desperately to concentrate!
Need completion to feel whole.
So little to do, so much time.
It’s ok to have a wandering mind.
No! Strike that. Reverse it.
I need a second life.
Can’t reach my goals
Amidst this strife!
I’m a caffiend.
Don’t know if it helps
Or hurts. And that’s the worst.
Drink the evil anyway.
For those moments of brewing
I’m focused in a peculiar way.
While the brew is made
I know what to do.
If nothing else makes sense,
pick up the cup and sip, sip, sip.

Today I began to seek calm by forcing myself to do some stretching. I will give my self specific obtainable goals today and stay on them. Concentration can be trained! My wife wisely advises "be in the moment" and that is going to be my primary focus.

Her advise came during a dinner conversation last night during which we had the pleasure of eatting together without children and I seemed to be wandering. She asked, “what are you thinking right now?” I had to reply that I was thinking several things at once. 1) The lake I could see from Tijuana Taco was beautiful 2) I’m a lousy provider for my family 3)I want to build a service website 4) … I can’t remember but there were about 3 other simultaneous thoughts all which I could do nothing about at that moment. It does not pay to tax the brain with things outside of your control.

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