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Scheduling My Funeral

Yesterday I accidentally posted my blood pressure as 172/77 and my brother and his wife had a coronary. Being very thoughtful that called seconds after my post published to help make my funeral arrangements and plan for the well-being of the children. Actually they encouraged me to see a doctor. Ironically, the mall had a free blood pressure screening last night. My numbers came in at 133/87, "prehypertension," and apparently gave no alarm to the guys giving the screening since they blew me off with barely word in favor of chatting about which tight buttocks walking past the booth was finer.

The 133/87 is consistent with the typical reading I get on most store blood pressure machines which I’ve now made a habit of visiting everytime I see one.

My best numbers I really don’t remember. In college I was at a grocery store near campus and sat down at one of the blood pressure machines. An incredibly sexy girl and good friend of mine snuck up behind me, blew in my ear, licked my ear and nibbed on my earlobe. Let’s just say my pulse was up.

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