From the mouths of babes

Evan, 5 years old on the drive to pre-school: "beotch beotch beotch!"
Me, failing to contain shock and anger: "Who taught you that?!"
Evan: "No one."
Me, hypocrite, liar: "I get mad at lies not mistakes."
Evan, confessing and ratting out his friend: *he says his friend’s name. It starts with A but I won’t rat him out here*
Me: *relieved that he didn’t say my name, his mother’s name or any of his older siblings. I really expected it to be from Noah.*