Reality Me

Category: Family

Happenings in a 5 child, 2 adult household.

  • Lessons of the night

    In my plumbing exploits, which really should be documented on video, I’ve learned the following:

    • Brass fittings strip easily.
    • No matter how sure footed you think you are, when doing the splits between the top of a bar stool and a two by four bracing the hallway drywall suspended over a stack of paint cans and a mop bucket, applying torque to a monkey wrench that is above your head will cause you to fall down.
    • Swinging a two foot steel bar with your left hand against a drop forged pipe wrench (often mistaken for a monkey wrench) being held with your right hand is a mistake if you are not left handed.

    Last time I did this, this plug came out much easier. Surely I’m doing something wrong.

  • Evening is upon us – Football!

    Bearden High School has a home game tonight. Sarah will be demonstrating her excellence. Last year we discovered it was neither cost effective or prudent to take the whole family so Cathy and I take turns going to the games to support the teamflags. Alright, usually Cathy goes. So tonight’s evening chaos is brought to you by Liquid Plumber, The BHS Band Boosters, McDonald’s, and the RedCross babysitting training. Participants in tonight’s chaos are Amy, Evan, Noah, and Dad. Absence from this evenings show is Tommy who stayed at the college to chill with his hommies, Sarah who when not flirting with Zak is spinning flags on the field, and Mom who is taking pictures of Sarah flirting with Zak. Mom shoves down a McDonald’s cheese burger and is out the door leaving Noah instructions to get the trash out of the kitchen then help Dad with Amy and Evan. Amy is told to help Dad with Evan. Mom leaves. Noah goes to the back of the house and plays video games. Dad blinks at the trash. Amy and Evan erupted into loudness contests. Dad tries to figure out how to divide time between refereeing Amy and Evan, working on the tub, and coding web applications. It’s quiet upstairs… too quiet…

  • From the mouths of babes

    Dad, looking at the ChipIn results: "Jesus!"
    Evan, 3 years old: "Da, why you say Jesus?"
    Dad: "Oops. I was saying a thank you prayer."

  • From the mouths of babes

    Dad, to the ice cream truck driver: "You’re like a cat. I feed you and you keep coming back."
    Ice cream dude: *blink* *blink*

    File under things not to say.

  • Plumbing Update

    Screw it. My family can hike through the prairie and bathe in the stream.

  • Milestone Rewards

    How do you encourage yourself to reach a milestone? I know smoking programmers who give themselves a smoke break (7-15 minutes) when they accomplish a task. I don’t smoke, so I do a chore that doesn’t involve the computer. Today’s milestone breaks are brought to you by "Crack Plumbers, we’re just cheeky!" After Sarah did an art project involving rocks and the bathtub, our drain slower terribly. Now its stopped completely. This could be a coincidence. We have enough longhairs in this household to clog the public waste system so periodically I have to open the drain and pull out the alien creature that grows in there. It will be about 4 feet long, black, sluggy, and psuedo-intelligent. The most frightful thing I ever saw as a child was a Twilight Zone episode that involved a housewife vacuuming a dust ball out of her air ducts that turned out to be an alien creature that ate her. Since then I have never been fond of dust bunnies, air ducts, or alien looking snake-like gooey lengths of beyond description filth. However, I do want to bathe today…

    So I just accomplished a very big deal on my current project involving combining functionality of two different parts of the application into a single page. It also involved altering the roles based security. Implementing roles based security on custom apps can be a time consuming pain in the neck. But fun! Time for my 7-15 minute break. Here creature creature!

    Update: Pipes-1; Doug-0. Expect @cathymccaughan to report on my highly anticipated trip the emergency room during my next milestone break.

    Update: Pipes-2; Doug-0. Done until Saturday.

  • Our Life

    Between coughing up my lungs today, I have been hard at programming on a project. I have some neat things happening but they never seem to happen quickly enough. I took only one break today to return something I borrowed longer than I should have. I am close on my code but it always seems like I need just another half an hour when our evening chaos erupts. This evening’s chaos was complicated by the high school parent night.

    What is evening chaos? It starts when a child says he needs the mouse I stole from his computer so he can do his homework. Then Mom dashes out the door explaining the homework Amy has to do after the kids finish cleaning the kitchen table. That’s the table with 3 inches of soapy foam on it and a perplexed middle schooler asking, "uh. How do I clean that up?" Still he manages to leave the table a sticky mess. Evan, who is getting closer to being housebroken, pees on the floor in the girls room. I’m on the phone with the bank trying to get them to fax me a letter that they say they can’t mail to me for 10 days due to federal law. I need it Monday but preferably tomorrow. Dinner has to be made. Go downstairs and sharpen a pencil. Hear Amy and Evan start to fight. Cathy texts to tell me she is going to park illegally. I call to give her a hard time but get voicemail so I text her my approval and then she calls. Evan is screaming just because he has lungs that aren’t filled with gunk. Evan wants to help with Amy’s homework. Oh dinner. Noah has a question on his homework. Code? Sharpen pencil again. And… that’s just the beginning.

  • From the mouths of babes

    Cathy: "Do I look inappropriate?"
    Me: "Very slutty dear."

    File that under things not to say!

  • Mock Shepherd’s Pie

    Last night I made a mock shepherd’s pie. Basically, brown a pound of ground beef, add in some drained green beans and a can of tomato soup. Grease a 2 quart casserole and put this mixture into it. Then spoon mashed potatoes over the mixture and bake uncovered for 30 minutes at 350°.

    I made my mashed potatoes by hand last night. That was the first time in my life I had cooked mashed potatoes that weren’t instant and I have to say it was easy! And I think the results were quite tasty.

    A rule with children: Never mix food. Shepherd’s pie breaks this rule so naturally then only people partaking of it are the adults. This would make a nice dish for a potluck.

  • From the mouths of babes

    Evan, bouncing: "Wake up. Go sleep. Wake up. Go sleep. Wake up!"
    Dad: "Yes. Go to sleep and we’ll wake up in the morning."
    Evan, with a gasp and loud: "Ah! THANK YOU Da!"

  • And then she cut them off…

    In memory of the curls…

    Amy's locksAmy's curls

    Update: It doesn’t look terrible to me but Mom has declared it a disaster. They’ve gone to get the hair fixed. I am sure we will have before and after pictures.

    Update: Cathy has posted the before and after pictures.

  • From the mouths of babes

    Evan: "Where going Da?"
    Dad:"Home."
    Evan:"I not go home Dad."
    Dad:"Where do you want to go?"
    Evan:"Granny’s!"
    Dad:"Granny is not home. She’s working."
    Evan:"I go see Noah."
    Dad:"Noah is at school."
    Evan:"I see Sarah."
    Dad:"Sarah is at school."
    Evan:"I see Amy!"
    Dad:"We just dropped Amy off at school."
    Evan:"I see Mom!"
    Dad:"Okay. Mom is at home. Do you want to go home?"
    Evan:"Yeah. Go home Da!"
    Evan:"I see trees."

  • From the mouths of babes

    I decided to teach Amy the Daimoku today and it is wonderful to chant together with her. At bedtime, I asked her if we could do it again and she wanted to chant then read a book. We repeat the Daimoku 3 times. What does Nam-myoho-renge-kyo mean?

    Nam-myoho-renge-kyo is the Buddhist prayer that means I dedicate my life to bringing out the very best in myself and in all people. [Source, Jason Jarrett of A Buddhist Podcast, A Buddhist Podcast – Bodhisattvas of the Earth, 24:17-26:12]

    Dad and Amy (6 years old), repeating 3 times: "Nam Myoho Renge Kyo"
    Sarah (15 years old) with shocked look on her face: "You’re brainwashing her!"

    Dear Sarah:

    Buddhism is about revitalizing humanity, and transforming the world we live in from one dominated by greed, anger, and stupidity into one of peace and happiness. [Source, Jason Jarrett of A Buddhist Podcast, A Buddhist Podcast – Bodhisattvas of the Earth, 2:46-2:58]

  • From the mouths of babes

    Evan, dropping pacifier to floor (no, he shouldn’t be using one): "Daddy, get my bop."
    Dad: "No. I can’t even stand up right now."
    Evan:"awright. I get mineself."

  • From the mouths of babes

    How do you fit 7 people into a 2000 square foot house? Some people double up on bedrooms. Amy and Sarah share a room. And Evan shares a room with Mom and Dad. For convenience, he is still in crib because it confines him forcing sleep but I anticipate that ending soon.

    Evan, 3 years old, bolts upright in his crib: "Thank you Daddy! Thank you! Thank you Daddy!"
    I was afraid to roll over and make eye contact because I didn’t want him coming to complete wakefulness. Playtime at 1am is not a good thing. Cathy was watching and said he was sitting up with eyes open but was fully asleep. He couldn’t have touched my heart more! I love that boy! After his thank yous, he laid down and fell into a deep sleep.

    This morning-
    Dad: "Let’s get ready for school."
    Evan:"Hurray! School!" but school probably sounds more like schual.

    Evan, out of the blue: "Daddy, Got milk?"

    Evan is now pushing my buttons as he refuses to get dressed and has declared he is not going to school. Monday, monday.

    180! Evan is wearing a backpack, dressed, and declaring, "Dad, I am ready to go. Ready to go."