Category: Daily Life

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Amy, trying to get the dog off the couch: “Amy spot! Molly go to cage!”

A New Day!

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This Morning

Slept well last night! Too well perhaps. Tough day ahead. Deadlines fastly approaching. I should have planned things such that I could have taken today off for painting. No such luck.

Amy: “Amy had a good night’s sleep” (unprompted)

So I’ve got some morning rituals. I think we all do. And one that we all have is answering that call to nature. Following is an post of TMI.

Leaving the bedroom light out as not to disturb the wife or dogs, I groggily meander into the dark bathroom bumping into the doorframe as I go. Close the door and flip on the light. Ow my eyes! They burn! I’m meeelting. So I wasn’t quite ready for that.

For those of you that may not know this, boys pee standing up but they don’t have to. Girls pee sitting down but they don’t have to. Today I chose to stand. For the ladies that might not know, various factors in the morning contribute to the importance of aiming. Hmm. Factors aside aiming is important. Each guy has a preference to the hand that aims which is probably their dominent hand. What is key is that once you start it is difficult to stop until you are done. You know, open the flood gates and until the river is drained the gates don’t close. And no, pinching only gives a temporary reprieve. Another juicy tidbit to know is that guys can aim with their eyes closed.

My eyes open simultaneously as I start into one of those impressive “this is going to take forever” moments. Slowly my vision comes into focus. Next I utter “what the hell?” and almost miss my target with the accompanying jolt to full awakeness. There as I look down, just above the stream and other familar sights is something most unusal…and glimmering pink! My thumbnail has been painted!

My first response is the desire to angrily rouse the wife and ask, “What’s this about?!” but I’m a captive audience. Second response is laughter. Third response is revenge. Perhaps I should put on some of her delicates and paint my other nails then when she wakes say, “honey, we need to talk…” No. I have meetings today.

I know why this happened. She has trouble getting to sleep and I can turn off like a light switch and obviously deeply. I bet she wanted to talk (and my fantastical mind will imagine she wanted to do more than talk..perhaps she even invited a friend over).

Moral of the story? Coffee before bed!

One thunderboomer and the sky opened up! What a beutiful sound.

Branches fell across the creek behind our house and leaves washed up against them to form a dam. We now have our own personal fishin’ hole. I wonder if it will overflow the banks today. I suppose I need to go break the dam despite liking it. Nature is an awesome force!

A New Day!

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This Morning

Despite getting up at 2 4 and 5 am I feel well rested. I had my panic attack. I calmed myself.

Scribblings that will n’ver be:

I walk upon a precipice

Drunk in the beauty that surrounds me

I teeter on the edge

And step without looking for the cliff

A Raven calls down to me

I look up and proclaim “N’ver more!”

A slip! Rocks tumble reminding me of the height

Mind yourself! And keep the path.

10. Now my computer runs faster.

9. So that’s what happened to the other cat.

8. Maybe I should open this mail from 1988.

7. The silver doesn’t match my keyboard and case. Perhaps I should buy a new computer.

6. Only 1 comes in a box?!

5. What’s this button do?

4. Look at all the purdy colors.

3. Ow my eyes! My eyes!

2. And all this time I thought I was in DOS.

1. Oh! So it IS porn!

I feel so screwed today.

Amy: “It’s a butterfly in a chrysalis.” (yes, I had to look it up too)

And they say television is bad…

A New Day!

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This Morning

My morning…

After that I took Noah, Sarah and her friend to their respective bus stops. Ever since we had the child predator hitting on teenage girls several miles down the road I’ve stayed at the bus stop with the girls. It is a nice time for me. Although the girls ignore my presence and pass notes instead of talking I am happy to be with them. I listen to NPR and sometimes read for the 20 minutes it takes for their bus to arrive.

I return home to play the parrot game with Amy. That is, I decided to give her Welch’s Grape Juice (origins as ‘non fermented wine’ for churches) and I said, “say ‘nectar of the gods’!” and that sweet two year and half year old voice squeaks out “neck ter o gods” with excitement. So I say, “Say ambrosia” and she parrots “am bro ssssh uh”. Very cute!

Time to work.

Had a client need an emergency housecall so I skip dinner. I get home at 11:30pm and prepare my meal only to find the 8 year old, who is sleeping on his new mattress for the first time with no sheets, having a nose bleed and trying to care for it himself by using every one of the decorative towels that were just cleaned and stacked in the bathroom to be put away. While cleaning up the nose bleed and blood stains the puppy starts gagging and pukes.

15 years ago I would have laughed myself to tears had someone told me my life would revolve around defecation, urination, puke and other bodily fluids.

How do absent minded people with bad vision ever find their glasses?

Pearl Harbor – moment of silence

Today I learned how to put a dog in a baskethold.

My dog does not like baths. However, the toddler thinks Gogurt goes well on fur.