Reality Me

The Rocky Top Brigade has returned and I am quite tickled to see that it has been written with ColdFusion (my personal favorite)!

Kudos to Barry, Thomas, CYBob, Johnny, Rich, and SayUncle and any other Brigaders involved.

Right now I’m thinking about: Doug Thurston and Dietrich
Earlier I was thinking about: Stu and Lee Ann Monty

I use extreme tracking to get a vague idea of how many visitors come to this blog. I use it because its free and the numbers although entertaining are not all together that important. I really do enjoy seeing the referer information although of late Google Images has been a little too hung up on C-span boobies. I may just have to take that picture down!

Since I don’t host this site I don’t have the luxury of having the native logs. What do you use for tracking visitors?

We are all doomed to die. When we get married, men drastically reduce their potential for long life. The cause of death is always the same: the wife. Mine is doing a combination job. Her primarily focus is the "heart attack" and the catalyst will be falling down the stairs. The motive: unknown, I think it’s simply in their genes.

We have all heard that married men live longer. This is true simply because single people get to play harder, party harder, take harder drugs and live more dangerously; ergo, they bite the bullet much sooner than married men.

A popular approach is to overstress the simple mind of the man.

Woman (from another room): Honey, could you get my keys from the table?
Man: Yes, dear. I don’t see them on the table.
Woman: They are right there.
Man: No they aren’t.
Woman: Yes they are. I left them there last night.
Man: Well they must have gone for a drive last night because they aren’t here now.
Woman (stomping into room, immediately picks keys up from chair): See, they are right here!

It will take that man several hours and several beers to recover from the incident. He will never understand it.

Another classic man killer is the "correct decision" as exemplified:

Man: Honey, what do you want to do for dinner?
Woman: I don’t know.
Man: Do you want to me to cook something or go out to a restaurant?
Woman: You decide.
Man: I’m really indifferent tonight. Let’s do something that you want.
Woman: Ok. Let’s go to Calhoun’s or stay home and cook steaks.

Ah! Notice how the man gets stuck with the decision. Should it turn out well then the woman can take credit for making a good choice. Should it turn out poorly then the man can be thoroughly beat down. Now how could such a similar choice as Calhoun’s and steak at home go wrong? For one, if the woman has already made the decision but is simply testing his telepathic ability to read her thoughts then the man is dead meat because we all know that stress scrambles telepathic reception and this poor guy is already on his way to a coronary and that is before we add in the night’s cholesterol. Now another way it could go wrong is that if the man chooses to cook at home but makes the horrid mistake of leaving dirty dishes in the kitchen. Of course a third method of diaster awaits at the restaurant in any combination of potential conversation flubs, staring at waitresses, over-reacting to the bill, under tipping and so forth.

The arsenal of psychological man killers that women hold is boundless and grows with each paired trip to the bathroom. The bathroom is the secret communications hub of women by which all psychological warfare originates. Secrets can be whispered there. They are always in pairs to watch each others backs. The mirrors over the sinks convert into large video conferencing screens by which new successful tactics can be transmitted to thousands of bathrooms around the world simultaneously! Men, we cannot fight this. They are too numerous, too organized and far too experienced. Accept your fate. Nuture what you have left.

Women by nature need to seek companionship. Once companionship is achieved they lose focus for that energy. They begin to miss the chase. They become resentful toward the person who took away their ability to "seek companionship" simply by becoming their companion. Due to utter contempt toward this person, the woman begins to subtly create this person’s exodus. And this is why men die so much sooner than women.

"Mister, wanna buy my duck?"

The Great Knoxville Rubber Duck Race will be a one mile race with approximately 40,000 to 50,000 Rubber Ducks competing for over $40,000 in prizes to benefit the Boys and Girls Clubs of the Tennessee Valley, which serves over 7,800 children in Knox Co., Scott Co., Blount Co., and Loudon Co.

Race schedule, pictures from last year, and online adoption form

Irritate enough people… story here

Wow! The Jeep is so quiet I felt like something was wrong! I should have recorded the before and after as a sound bite for the blog. The new Jeep makes me feel like I’m driving with cotton balls in my ears! The old Jeep would make a Harley owner grimmace in disgust at the noise.

I have definitely lost some of my redneck status today. On the positive side, I’m not such an embarassment to my family anymore. Now a new rag top and a wash n wax would make the toy seem like brand new!

…because the Jeep is getting a new catalytic converter and exhaust pipe.

Should be some good camera action. I anticipate that at some point today my head will explode. Prior to that my brain could possibly dribble from my ear.

Did anyone watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory catch the nod to Gene Wilder in the very beginning of the movie? When Charlie puts the final piece on his model, Wonka’s cane is stuck in the ground but not touching Wonka’s hand.

Doth I read too much into it?

I love finding allusions to the previous movies and cameos within the remade film.

We actually got 8 golden tickets! We went to the Chocolate Factory! I have to say Depp did very well. The movie was most enjoyable. More later…

When the Apple //c came out it had a cool switch that would alter the keyboard from QWERTY (your standard keyboard…look at the 6 upper-leftmost keys) to a Dvorak layout. The only problem was there was not a reference to what key’s function was at that point. Had they given you an overlay, or printed letters on the keys in a different color, or used lights to show different letters on the screen (my thought at the time) I think the Dvorak keyboard would have had a much better chance of becoming mainstream. (Is this Dvorak related to August?) (Interesting read)

Spy Journal Tech Tips now brings us reference to Geektronica’s post about the optimus keyboard. It’s not shaped like a natural keyboard but I still want one even more than I want das keyboard or the DX1 Input System.

Another Grasshopper 

Friendly Visit

I have some much overdue thanks to give. Three weeks ago, a good friend and reader of this blog came over for an extremely pleasant visit. She brought with her some amazing food which was both timely and better than anything I prepare. The wife and I were very grateful!

She also brought with her some fantastic gifts for which I need to get some pictures uploaded. She really put some time into preparing for her visit and I cannot thank her enough!

This friend has known me longer than nearly anyone else that I can bring to mind. We used to go to the theatre together in college quite frequently. Good memories there! Of course, she has all the ammunition that would keep me out of politics.

Littlest Grasshopper 

Meaningful Gift

My brother and his wife are the best shoppers in the world. Often I have thought that if not for them my children would run around naked. We recently receive a care package with an item of hidden meaning. You can see it pictured on Amy above and Evan to the right. Amy will seek it out and announce, "I’m wearing Eban’s(sic) hat!"

They always get such great clothing for the kids. Many thanks! Keep on shopping 🙂

We found the hat quite amusing. Evan is getting much "hidden meaning" clothing. He also owns a bib that reads, "Little Peanut."

Amy (3): I’m running away.
Dad: Where are you going?
Amy: To the ballet.

Student: Too negative?
Master: Positively!