Reality Me

A New Day!

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This Morning

Morning plans altered greatly making me frustrated.

Tick Tock Tick Tock Clock Clock Clock.

Waaay too much to do in waaay too little time.

If I try to think about it all I’m bound to loose my mind.

Turn everything into a game. Stay sane.

Use your brain to get ahead. Work smarter not harder.

Do not be ashamed to ask for help.

You have given perhaps its your turn to receive.

Humility will not offer its hand.

Computer maintenance stage 1 done. Much more to do there.

MBNA offer to settle reduced from 50% to 40%.

A New Day!

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This Morning

Rough night last night.

Amy was so cute this morning. I need to record her doing this. She woke and started calling for her sister (from Sarah’s bed of course). “Seeer rah” “Seeer rAh!” then “NOooo AH” over and over. Never angry that no one replied. Noah usually saves her but he was caught up in the television.

I can’t get Amy to hug or kiss Noah. She used to. What happened?

I’m off to repair another computer. Have another couple to schedule after that.

Picture at Phlog

My comment to my brother’s blog regarding our great grandmother. I have been trying to think of a way to write about her, the correct story, the best memory. Dean prompts this:

—-

And round push button light switches that thunked when you pushed them. They were alluring.

I still remember the smell of the place. And the alcove between the living room and the kitchen where the toy chest was kept.

The 20 cats.

The wasp nest under the swing. Was you or I that got stung?

The bees in the fig tree that didn’t mind the boys climbing it.

The fresh figs.

The games of chase under the grape fine.

Choking on a lemon drop and hiding in a bedroom so no one would know.

The ditch and church on the other side.

Most of all, I remember the scratchy voice of that kind woman, her dark rimmed glasses, the wrinked face, the gray hair pulled back in a bun, a skinny frame but still gravity had pulled her mass downward trying to reshape her as a bell, her hands, and her cane.

Another call from Sears where they try to sound like they want to help me all the while trying to degrade me into paying something. “Don’t you have any income? How are you feeding your kids? You have to have income. Can’t they skip a meal so you can pay us?”

A New Day!

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This Morning

Woke at 3:30. Could not take the stench. Apparently the dog just had to go. She is trying for the papers and that is a good thing. So I cleaned up her mess and was wide awake thinking, “Productivity time!” Then I thought, I really should wait until 4 or 4:30 to go to the computer. Woke at 6am and stared at the clock until 6:07 when Noah came down to tell me it was time to get up. 8 more minutes of self torture for allowing myself to be seduced back into bed.

Today is to be all about drywall and electrical wiring at two different locations. This evening we will enjoy a meal with friends. I’m torn. We don’t get invited out much and when we do we have childcare issues. This is not a time to be dabbling in the luxuries of finer dining but this outing will be very healthy for Cathy and I mentally and we like the couple that has invited us out. I would like to grow our friendship.

Amy caught a huge burst of giddy energy just before she was supposed to be going to bed so she came down to our bed instead, lay down, and pulled the covers to her chin. Then the motor mouth started. It was amazing comversation. She was identifying everything in the room, going through body parts, identifying toys, and more. Then I got the brilliant idea to audblog it and she immediately went quiet. So this is almost 2 minutes of me prompting for dialog.

* Major electrical accomplish at friend’s house

* Had to cancel lunch date

* Computer returned to residential maintenance client

MBNA called while I was at the client’s and apparently thought that by being rude and yelling at me loudly that I would magically poop money and pay them something. Really, if they’d give me one more month I’m sure I could appease them.

Amy just put her tiny arms above her head, arched her back slightly and eeked out, “streeettch!”

6:09am rolls around and I’m busting a move. I’m in productivity mode. I’m getting coding done! But its time to wake Sarah. I try to get in her room but the door sticks and wakes Amy. I try to get Amy back down but she insists on being held. I hold her as she tightly squeezes my neck, a feeling I love, and I stir Sarah instructing her with a pointed finger on how to leave the room without Amy seeing her. It fails. Amy notices the empty bed. I hold her and rock her and she starts to fall asleep on my shoulder. Suddenly from the living room there is a rustle of papers as if someone were ripping a book to shreds. Amy’s head bolts upright. Apparently Noah reached a point in one of his books where he could create an animation by rapidly flipping the pages.

Tis ok. I brought myself to a stopping point then Amy and I walked the dog for a 2nd time.

Noah rises at 5:40am unprompted by me (I was downstairs and silent).

A New Day!

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This Morning

Wahoo! Woke at 4:15 and was dressed, walked the dog and returned to the computer by 4:30! Unfortunately I could not rise without disturbing the dog which in turn disturbed the wife. This dog is wearing me out.

This day is going to be packed. The morning starts off with electrical wiring and hopefully drywall. Lunch is networking that hopefully leads to sales. After lunch I return a computer to a maintenance client. Return to drywall.

Yesterday

Maintenance on a computer for a business client. Picked up the kayak from consignment to sell to a friend. Raced to my drywalling work but the overrun on repair time and time picking up the kayak cut into their scheduled time and they needed to go. We agreed that it be best to put the work off until tomorrow. I took the kayak to my friend and we completed the sale. I agreed to get some drywalling done for him before the first of September.

Moving from computers to general contracting?

Last Night

Had a special moment with Sarah last night. The dog chewed up her glasses so we went together to the eye glass store. I need to create more opportunities for one on one time with each of the children. We had fun and it was just our time. I think Cathy and I each need to pick a child per week and have a one on one opportunity.

The original Halloween picture. 

Today is our 3rd Anniversary of our marriage.

I met Cathy on Oct 23, 1999. She had come to a Halloween party that my first wife and I were throwing. That marriage was at its end. During the party while my first wife danced and flirted with the array of guys in the room, Cathy sat back and took in the scene. Although I was playing super host and only got a few words in with Cathy, she stuck in my mind as something special. I remember my thoughts of infidelity as “if I weren’t married I’d want to be with her” but they stopped there. Little did I know at the time that my first wife had gone far beyond just thoughts.

By December my first wife was openly in a relationship with another man and Cathy and I were scheduled to have a lunch date. I stood her up. I think I stood her up a 2nd time in January. She should have run like hell.

My first wife officially asked for a divorce on Jan 3, 2000.

On January 15, 2000 Cathy tried to find the annual party my best friend and I would always throw called “The Long Island Tea Party.” She could not figure out how to get to the house.

On February 12, 2000 we had our first date. Some good friends brought us together thinking the both of us needed a good one mutual one night stand (which didn’t happen btw. Good clean fun all night long.). I was nervous as I ever was in high school. I rapid fired every joke I knew. I could not take my eyes off this gorgeous woman that had honored this pathethic man with her presence. I knew the rest of the room (we were playing pool) was jealous of me! Cathy is smart, witty, sharp as tack, self-confident, and beautiful! I was trying to be unpressuring at the end of our date and tried to say “there is no pressure here. We can take things slow.” I was trying to be kind. The words fumbled out of mouth sounding something like “if you want to have sex without commitment I’m your man!” (not those words of course but the meaning was about as bone headed). Cathy should have run like hell.

I spent one whole day going back to the pool bar, taking pictures and piecing together a picture of Cathy from the Halloween party to make this animation:

As my business failed, first marriage failed, and illness brought down various members of my family, my mental health failed. Cathy stood by me and helped keep me alive. She is an incredible humanitarian. She nursed me to stability. She should have run like hell.

We dated all of 2000 and in 2001 I took Cathy to the mall and we put her engagement ring on layaway. She thought it wasn’t a real engagement and that we had played a game.

During the early dating, Cathy found creative ways to introduce me to one child at a time as to not overwhelm me. She is extremely aware of other people’s feelings and tactful. I remember well her introduction of Sarah to me. I was playing frisbee golf with friends and as we come off the last hole she stood there tall as a tree, silent and all knowing, protective and assuring, glowing as an angel but the angel was standing beside her. She studied me to measure my reaction. I knew instantly that this was my family.

In August of 2001 I could not take the wait anymore. My divorce had finally come through (long after Cathy’s more complicated divorce-her’s took less than 6 months with children and property issues while mine concerning nothing took almost 2 years) and I didn’t like Cathy not having a ring on her finger. I ran to the jewelry store and bought an affordable engagement ring that was not to the caliber that she deserved to wear but it much more than the nothing on her finger. I hid it in a gift and proposed. Sarah walked in, saw what was happening, and immediately ran out to tell Cathy’s folks. A couple of days later I was looking out the window into the cove thinking, “the kids need to be here now” and Cathy and I ran to Gatlinburg, popped into a wedding chapel where the cloths are pinned together in the back, and have been happily married since! One week after the marriage the whole crew had moved into the house of horrors. Cathy should have run like hell.

In our 4 and 2/3 years together, we have had glory days and we have had hard days and even harder days. Our love is strong! Cathy is so special, so endearing, so unique, so beautiful and so much more that I could go on and on until my keyboard melted away. She means the world to me! When I see her, my heart races. When she kisses me, the world goes away and I see nothing but her. When she cries, I bleed. When she holds me, I am safe. I want to be with her forever! Cathy, thank you for everything! I especially thank you for never running like hell. I love you! Happy Anniversary!