Reality Me

* proposal email drafted and sent. Will require much back and forth to nail down a spec. Must go quickly.

* bad stomach.

Tis 1:49. Have to get this proposal out. Work today ends at 5pm with no possibility of resuming until after 9pm. Hopefully I can stay motivated enough to work on bookkeeping between 9pm and midnight.

Left todo: get background information sheet filled out and faxed to employment agency, send out at least 1 resume, contact my contact at the local company that has said they want to interview me, begin work on project that I accepted, compose and send out marketing email

physically: stomach ill, head throbbing, focus difficult

* decided to commit 1-1:30 to getting a quote off. Since it is now 1:30 I’ll move that to the next 30 minutes. Donning headset and loud music.

Spammers Using Mars Rover as Relay

This kicks! Spammers have taken control of communications on Mars rover Spirit, and have started using it as an interplanetary spam relay announced NASA representative Sylvia Monborn.

* The 13 yr old gets off by pushing people’s buttons and he’s good at it. He’s rude, crude and mean. It’s a challenge and a half to resist the urge to take a hickory switch to his bottom.

A New Day!

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This Morning

* Woke at 4:15am and was inspired to rise and begin my stretching exercises that use to make me feel so good and whole. Blackness–guess I never made it out of bed. Woke at 6. The covers were warm and soft and sang the songs of the sirens. Their melody was beyond beautiful! Got out of bed at 6:15 and got the kids moving. Answered the call of the sirens for 15 more minutes. Checked on the kids. Checked on the sirens. Checked on the kids. Checked on the sirens. Finally got up. Proceeded to answer the 10 yr old’s control freak moment with a moment of anger. Note to self, “handled it all wrong!” Half hearted attempt to fix it and made sure to tell her I loved her.

* After car pool (which is more like a taxi service since the other family never drives), I stopped by Weigel’s for our daily 2 gallons of milk (which is actually down to 2 gallons every other day right now–I’d like to think the kids were actually drinking water but I know better). Give the 13 yr old his medicine (7:45ish).

* The 19 mth old awakes and I change her, feed her and then we play together on the couch until the 13 yr old stirs. I selfishly ask him to play with the baby while I return to the sirens and fall into a deep sleep. I get up every 15 minutes to check on the kids until my wife rises then I allow myself to drift off deeper until 9:30am.

* Return phone calls. One is for a local 2 day job, the other is about the contract, drug screening, crimal background check and more on the 11 month job that I don’t want to take. The first paycheck won’t even come until after the mortgage company has threatened to begin foreclosure procedures (although I’m certain that if I fax them a copy of the employment contract that they will have mercy..its always in their best interest to not foreclose.)

* Now 11:45 and I’m a little scatter brained. I have to get a quote to someone and I know that what I should charge will be way out of line and I fear over pricing myself out of work but I know the damage that can be caused by working too cheaply. Ugh! FOCUS! The focus is the proposal. After that I’ll set up the development environment for the local work. Must get some resumes out today and some marketing emails and some marketing materials to local businesses (not enough time for all of that!) ok. Marketing materials tomorrow. Stay electronic today and stay in your chair.

Last Night

* strong dizziness. Went to bed early hoping to rise early. Started watching Chicago an absolutely amazing show! Couldn’t make it. Grabbed zz’s

* grilled cheese for dinner

* discussed potential job 8 hours from here with Dad who probably thinks I’m crazy if I turn it down and father-in-law who would probably be disappointed if I took it. I’m flipped. There is an inner piece of me that says to escape the bonds of this town and that it would be good for the kids to live in a couple of different cities but another piece of me likes the settled in feeling and the bonds that grow over time. That piece of me says that familarity is good for the kids.

* Disappointed in myself for not having more energy. I spend too much time thinking about things that need to be done rather than doing things. There should have been much more computer time today including several emails and resumes. I am wearing down and will sleep. Hopefully I can begin with a fresh start EARLY tomorrow.

* gonna have one cold pissed off squirrel tonight. I’ve finally covered a hole in the facia that was allowing the critter to live in the attic. He was beginning to get serious about nesting (I think). We’ve heard quite a racket out of him these past couple of nights. No apparent damage.

* 13 yr old grouchy. Wife says he’s imitating me. I had thought of that. His meanness gets to me as well as his selfishness. I must improve.

A New Day!

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This Morning

* 19mth old and 13 year old up and stirring. As a horrible father I laid in bed and listened to her over the baby monitor play in her crib. I really wanted to fall back into a deep sleep. The dizziness was on hard. She sounded happen. The 13 yr old helped by bringing his medicine down.

* Finally at 9am I am feeling rotten and I go upstairs to a happy child and change her, turn on kids tv and promptly fall into a light sleep on the couch while she plays with her toys. Occasionally she climbs up and lies with me a few. She is wonderful.

* The 13 yr old wants to cook eggs and I give the go ahead and use it the required supervision as an inspiration to get my lazy body up and moving. I’m snippy with him and I try to correct it. He really tries to please and I don’t give him any slack anymore.

Last Night

* Father-in-law drops off wild 13 year old and I spend the next hour helping him calm. Father-in-law takes the 7 and 10 yr old. The 19mth old soooo loves her granddad!

* I don’t remember the evening. It ends reading and watching tv in bed with a couple of Guinness.

* Unbillable tech support hours for family member. Installing vpn software on a laptop. Wife asleep. Kids irritated that I’m making them clean.

Wow! Check out this surround sound system! Wear it on your shoulders!

* Google is really starting to bite bad. I’ve found myself going to Dogpile before considering Google’s 2nd page of results

* Baby napped from 10-now. I’m dog tired. Watched The Gods Must Be Crazy I then napped for 15 minutes

* Another bounced check in the mail today. Low energy today

A New Day!

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* Last night after running errands we returned and had the 7 year old’s 2 good friends in the neighborhood over for the night complete with royally burnt hamburgers. Enjoyed tv with the wife.

* This morning got up 8ish and got started sending the kids on admist breakfast.

* Now want to put my earrings back in. One hole has closed for sure and saddens me. I can’t find my earrings. They are somewhere in a box among all my other garbage. I’m torn anyway. I enjoy the jewerly but I know the inlaws would die, my folks would disapprove and its not the image I necessarily want to convey to the kids. So, a large piece of me says “grow up. Let that past die.” It’s strange how something so stupid could be a source of such conflict. Conflict may not be the right word. “Incompleteness” seems more correct. That in itself makes me think I’m projecting other pent up feelings and am using this as the outlet but I can’t quite grasp what it is that I’m feeling or seeking.

* Gave up on css box design for website. Returning to tabular format using ImageReady. Will return to css later.

* Time to run around with the family. Let’s go find ice!

* Upon returning I received a phone call saying I was accepted for an 11 month contract job in West TN. Yuck! That pulls me away from my family. I know that the wife will be driven crazy trying to get the kids to school and make appointments. I don’t care how badly we need the money, this feels wrong.

* 13 year old doing power struggles. How much effort am I supposed to put into this sad sack? When I try it often results in fighting with the wife. Perhaps its better just to ignore him.