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Dungeons and Dragons

I took Tommy to play D&D at his friend’s house. I really appreciate the guy that is DM’ing. He has gone out of his way to really help these kids have some normal social time and he is being extremely patient. Tommy is having a tough time staying under control but so far has not been unbearable. Despite my constant reeling Tommy back in the game is very fun and relaxing for me too. I needed the break.

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Tommy’s appointment

I took Tommy to his doctor’s appointment and the doc took some time to let me know Tommy is feeling more depressed than usual because of my job searching. (there was a lot more to it than that but in summary – and it was good conversation). He recounted a story of a very successful friend of his that ended up as a cashier. Many people have suggested that I will end up in retail at minimum wage. Is this a polite way of telling me that I’m not as good as I think I am? They nicen it with “this market just doesn’t support you” but do they really mean “your fire burned out buddy! your horse died! Get off the traiL! Yer in the way!”

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Good people!

A couple of kind souls have donated today and I understand deeply what it means when a poet says something has “warmed his heart!” I have felt so terribly beat down recently that this act of kindness actually created a physical warmth inside my chest! I’m not ashamed to say I started to tear up.

Thank you!

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Lights out

Well now, I feel about worthless! The bastards They cut my power off anyway even though I’d negotiated for 5pm today! Talk about embarassing! All the kids say “Hey! What happened?” “Uh, well… yer Dad’s a bum and the world is angry with him and you are feeling the brunt of it.” I’m surprised we don’t hear all the time in the news that these meter people are being shot. I asked, “why didn’t you tell me before you did that?” and he replies “we don’t do that anymore.” I only lost about a half days work in job searching…. Again, when things are going poorly the system works twice as hard to get in the way.

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Collectors

MBNA called.

Looks like I’m going to spend the day talking to collectors. That’s the interesting thing.. when they want the most from you they require more of your time be spent with them instead of spent earning the money that they want.

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Collectors

So Sears, perhaps the most obnoxious of collectors, calls while I’m upstairs and I say “hang on. I need to put you on hold a sec.” That was so I could take the call downstairs. I place the call on hold and head downstairs to find that they’ve hung up. I guess they’ll call in another hour.

I think it’s ridiculous to have collectors ask that you hold for an operator but they won’t hold for you to discuss collection issues outside of your kids earshot.

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Yesterday’s passing

Noah’s best friend’s father passed away yesterday. Apparently the car accident had placed him in a coma and they were giving him 72 hours before making the decision to pull the plug and he decided to go on his own.

The newspaper and news stations never gave any mention of the accident. The only details are rumors. The father and his son were on the way to the grandparents to pick up the little sister. He was on a 5 lane road (2 northboard, 1 turn lane, 2 southbound) that most West Knoxvillians regularly drive for one reason or another. The speed limit on that road is 35 mph (56 km/h)[if I recall correctly] but frequently cars are in excess of 50 mph (80 km/h). The rumor is that some teens in an SUV were driving too fast in Friday’s torrential rains and hit him head-on on the driver’s side of the vehicle. One doctor said he had never seen such severe brain injury. The child was thrown from the back seat to the front seat to be saved by the airbag. Were it not for the airbag he would be dead too.

The child called yesterday and cried for Noah to come visit with him. He said “I don’t care about toys. I just want to talk to you.” Noah bravely and calmly went to visit. Pretty heroic actions on the part of 2 eight year olds. I had the pleasure of being with one of the neighbors and was able to watch from afar as the boys greeted each other in the street. The neighbor on her own accord commented on their bravery. Everyone recognizes that these children are being forced by circumstances to “act like men.”

The feelings here are somber. Each of the children is in deep throught. Tommy relinquished himself to his tent for awhile after given the news. Noah had tears, pulled himself together then made that difficult phone call. (I still ponder whether or not Noah fully understands the family structure. There is a piece of me that wonders if Noah thinks “dads” are replaceable.) Sarah always internalizes and rarely lets things out. Cathy is quite upset. I am scared that I won’t be able to pull things together for my family before it is too late.

I did not know David that well although I believe the two families, ours and theirs, were just starting to become closer. When the leaves drop in the autumn I can see their house from my dining room window. However, it has made me put serious thought into how severely insane it is to be having lived one fifth of my life (the past 7 years) without insurance. To have 4 children and a wife and not have life insurance and health insurance is ludicrous. Daily I have stress pains in my chest and sides and hold such tension in my chest that I often wonder if I’m not experiencing small heart attacks. The thought of leaving my family in such chaos, financial turmoil and completely without means terrifies me. The knowledge that if something happened to me my health care could conceivably be inadequate because of my financial status pisses me off. The rich always get better care. I was reading in the paper that some companies are now hiring without giving health benefits. The industry will have to change soon but I doubt it will happen without the US sinking into a health care dark ages.

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Goals

a) brew coffee DONE

b) finish XML example – failed to work DONE

c) contact contract agency with XML example DONE

d) write high level spec for “barter” client

e) contact at least one recruiter In process

f) contact TSAC collectors and stop autodraft DONE

g) send fax for overseas friend to help him with a US problem DONE

h) find marketing for risque but potential lucrative venture DONE

i) take Tommy to doctor’s appointment DONE

j) (while Tommy at docs) visit with Protemp DONE

k) (while Tommy at docs) drop in on old client

l) Pay KUB DONE

m) Contact friend Randy for social networking In process

n) Contact friend in DC for social networking

o) find marketing for local developers

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A New Day! Let’s start the day off with a PayPa…

A New Day!

Let’s start the day off with a PayPal donation link:

This Morning

I feel like I’m going to throw up. My nerves are shot!

By not sticking to my guns by going home after church I feel like I let myself down and let my family down. However, I would not have traded yesterday for anything. I really enjoyed my time with my family.

We will make it through this. I’m going to take today one step at a time.