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Poem – Current State of Me (aka A Single Moment)

The video (4MB 1:14) is just me reading the following which in essence is just a list of words so you may just want to save your bandwidth. I suggest that you read column one first, then column two, then left to right all the way down. In the video it sounds like I wrote this in 1988 but it was actually 1998.

Current State of Me (aka A Single Moment)

Writing — Things

Thinking — Change

Dreaming — Deranged

Blinking — Dazed

Pondering — Amazed

Wondering — Craze

Wandering — Maze

Listening — Beat

Hoping — Reach

Praying — Seek

Delaying — Weak

Straying — Lazy

Crazy? — Crazy!

-DM 6/1/1998

Normally I like to leave interpretation of any written piece to the reader, however, I think this probably stands to have some explanation otherwise I could just randomly pick words from a dictionary and call it art. Hmm.. Now that’s not a terrible thought!

The following are straight from the journal (6 years ago) with the exception of one that required edits (it’s a journal!) and the notes of course are from the present.

Writing — Things
The "things" I was writing were my journal entry and the poem itself
Thinking — Change
The thinking "change" was all that had gone on in my recent past from marriage to getting laid off to starting my own business.
Dreaming — Deranged
These were thoughts of an alternative path that I could have walked with no debt and unrealistic fantasy dreams. Regret of choices made, desires to change them and imagining how different things would be. Demented thoughts.
Blinking — Dazed
The dreaming-deranged overwhelmed me and I spaced out for a few. It felt great to momentarily be nowhere!
Pondering — Amazed
The stepping back into reality after resetting my fuse and realizing the significance of many of the choices I’d made in that recent (and far) past.
Wondering — Craze
The struggling I did with myself over whether or not I’d made good choices
Wandering — Maze
I would get lost in my own thoughts and sometimes could not escape myself. It would be like the walls closing in.
Listening — Beat
I simply took a second to enjoy the music Border’s was playing
Hoping — Reach
My mind wanted someone to help me
Praying — Seek
Expanding on the former..a more spiritual cry for help.
Delaying — Weak
Recognition that I create my own Hell through procrastination, my biggest weakness.
Straying — Lazy
My inclination (at the time) to give up
Crazy? — Crazy!
Am I losing it? Through my own actions – yes.
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Progress!

The red station wagon after sitting many many weeks in the driveway has been moved to the mechanic’s to troubleshoot the transmission problem. After that, eradicating the mold and fugus that grew on the ungodly amount of food we left in the car. Every crumb has become a science experiment. I swear when I opened the door a french fry asked, “Are we there yet?” I am so disappointed in myself for allowing that to happen!

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A New Day! Let’s start the day off with a PayPa…

A New Day!

Let’s start the day off with a PayPal donation link:

This Morning

I want at least 4 hours of programming each day. If that means I go without eatting or sleeping then I want those 4 hours!

Today can go a couple of different ways. I have an appointment at 11am that cannot be moved and I must be on time. The possibilities today center around computer maintenance, dry walling, computer programming, marketing, sales and invoicing (hmm. That should be pretty high up!). I get the distinct impression that my day will begin with phone support and I may end up downtown again. There is a PTA meeting at the school tonight.

Amy rises. Molly calls.

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Tight-ropes

I dance with the Devil.

My head spins and I grow faint.

The evil swells within me

And the weak shall receive the burden

       Of my wrath!

I commiserate for those who have fallen before me

And I commune with the Devil for I am stronger than He!

The Others were eatten, devoured by their lack of connivery

And here I feed. I eat with the Devil yet he devours me.

My anger lashes out! The Devil hides my fear.

My skin crawls. The Devil shows my muscles rippling.

I shall weep! The Devil gives me no tears.

I break. And the Devil smiles for He is stronger than Me.

-DM 8/30/04

我做了成交。

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Poem – Of Expectations

In Another poem

      Near to this

      Doug played a game.

Whoever Tells the secret

Of It’s meaning

Uses Mental facitilies

Looking

Deeper Than

      Others.

Euphoria

Xanadu Calls to the enlightened

People Of

Exceptional Mentality

Compensating Mastery of reading,

Thinking, Edification with

      Nice feelings

Distinguishing Them

Elevated

Above

Normal.

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Evening

私はトミーを誤って処置することによって私達の夕方を台無しにした。私はメモが私を停止しなかったように私が身に着けている宝石類の部分こととても弱かった。今夜肉体の喜び無し。通常この行動は2 から3 週間私を断ち切ることによって罰される。