The video (4MB 1:14) is just me reading the following which in essence is just a list of words so you may just want to save your bandwidth. I suggest that you read column one first, then column two, then left to right all the way down. In the video it sounds like I wrote this in 1988 but it was actually 1998.
Current State of Me (aka A Single Moment)
Normally I like to leave interpretation of any written piece to the reader, however, I think this probably stands to have some explanation otherwise I could just randomly pick words from a dictionary and call it art. Hmm.. Now that’s not a terrible thought!
The following are straight from the journal (6 years ago) with the exception of one that required edits (it’s a journal!) and the notes of course are from the present.
- Writing Things
- The "things" I was writing were my journal entry and the poem itself
- Thinking Change
- The thinking "change" was all that had gone on in my recent past from marriage to getting laid off to starting my own business.
- Dreaming Deranged
- These were thoughts of an alternative path that I could have walked with no debt and unrealistic fantasy dreams. Regret of choices made, desires to change them and imagining how different things would be. Demented thoughts.
- Blinking Dazed
- The dreaming-deranged overwhelmed me and I spaced out for a few. It felt great to momentarily be nowhere!
- Pondering Amazed
- The stepping back into reality after resetting my fuse and realizing the significance of many of the choices I’d made in that recent (and far) past.
- Wondering Craze
- The struggling I did with myself over whether or not I’d made good choices
- Wandering Maze
- I would get lost in my own thoughts and sometimes could not escape myself. It would be like the walls closing in.
- Listening Beat
- I simply took a second to enjoy the music Border’s was playing
- Hoping Reach
- My mind wanted someone to help me
- Praying Seek
- Expanding on the former..a more spiritual cry for help.
- Delaying Weak
- Recognition that I create my own Hell through procrastination, my biggest weakness.
- Straying Lazy
- My inclination (at the time) to give up
- Crazy? Crazy!
- Am I losing it? Through my own actions – yes.