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Lost the calm

Calm is gone.
Focus shot.
Everybody wants
What I ain’t got.
Made mistakes.
Done my time.
Get off my ass
Leave the past behind.
Man of character
Beat to indignation.
Losing all hope
Of sanctification.
Want the best
For my children.
But what kind of example
Is a man in ruin?

When a grown man cries
The tears burn like steam
Washing away all his dreams.
Life is too short for mistakes.
One screwup and you’re obliterated.
Our world is unforgiving.
Hatred, greed unending.
I try to give and give and give.
They take and take and take.
Where’s karma now?
When’s it come around?
Have I not paid for my sins?
Could I not have a new beginning?
What curse is bestowed upon me?
How can the burden be lifted?
I thought I was good
It makes me sad
To realise I’m so bad.

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This error is getting old

Error Caused By Hewlett-Packard Company: No Specific Solution Found

Problem Description

An analyst at Microsoft has investigated this problem and determined that an unknown error occurred in Hewlett-Packard Printer Driver. This software was created by Hewlett-Packard Company.

Problem Resolution

Microsoft has researched this problem with Hewlett-Packard Company, and they do not currently have a solution for the problem that you reported. Below is a list of recommendations to take that may help prevent the problem from recurring.

Contact Hewlett-Packard Company for support or product updates.
Additional Information

If this problem continues to occur with the latest product updates for Hewlett-Packard Printer Driver, we recommend you obtain assistance and troubleshooting information directly from Hewlett-Packard Company.

For more help and information about how to troubleshoot and fix common errors on your computer, please see the Microsoft Online Crash Analysis: Help, Support, and Tools article.

Looks like I need a new driver for my HP Photosmart 1115

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I task myself

I shall light some incense, put on programming music, refill my cup o’ joe and program for 1 hour on a specific project without so much as a single drift of thought to anything else. My reward shall be time spent on my own website.

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Struggling for Calm

For the past several days the thoughts in my mind have been like a New York subway at rush hour. Everything non-congruent. Nothing contiguous. It’s made working very difficult.

The thoughts are frequently useless. I spent what felt like several hours in bed this morning half way between sleep and awake thinking of the Year 2000 bug and how to fix it. For the life of me I could not get away from such ridiculous thinking.

A throb. A blur.
What was I thinking?
On task until that sound I heard.
I digress. What got us here?
Can’t remember something
Only moments ago.
Came for reason
But now don’t know.
Want desperately to concentrate!
Need completion to feel whole.
So little to do, so much time.
It’s ok to have a wandering mind.
No! Strike that. Reverse it.
I need a second life.
Can’t reach my goals
Amidst this strife!
I’m a caffiend.
Don’t know if it helps
Or hurts. And that’s the worst.
Drink the evil anyway.
For those moments of brewing
I’m focused in a peculiar way.
While the brew is made
I know what to do.
If nothing else makes sense,
pick up the cup and sip, sip, sip.

Today I began to seek calm by forcing myself to do some stretching. I will give my self specific obtainable goals today and stay on them. Concentration can be trained! My wife wisely advises "be in the moment" and that is going to be my primary focus.

Her advise came during a dinner conversation last night during which we had the pleasure of eatting together without children and I seemed to be wandering. She asked, “what are you thinking right now?” I had to reply that I was thinking several things at once. 1) The lake I could see from Tijuana Taco was beautiful 2) I’m a lousy provider for my family 3)I want to build a service website 4) … I can’t remember but there were about 3 other simultaneous thoughts all which I could do nothing about at that moment. It does not pay to tax the brain with things outside of your control.