Year: 2004

I’m getting really angry with myself! I can’t stop myself from talking angerily to the 13 yr old.

* I feel like my day is ruined. The 13 yr old broke his glasses because he was “fiddling.” I can’t find my jeweler’s screwdrivers which are in a large red package and its beginning to tick me off. Before I even started looking for the screw drivers, the 13 yr old came out with wire wanting to fix them himself so I naturally yelled at him and upset him, the baby and myself.

* I guess my task today is going to be to clean all day long. It would be a worthwhile investment in time. It would make everyone saner around here.

A New Day!

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This Morning

* Awoke at 2am fire still going strong

* Baby started dropping toys from crib so I went to get her but by the time I got dressed she was crying to get out

* Proceeded to grouse at the 13 yr old for snacking on cheese while watching his movies. I was really more upset that he just left trash anywhere. The tightwad in me is upset that he chooses expense bad calories when we have less expensive better calorie snacks like rice cakes. I think I’ll show him the better snacks.

* Refueling the fire now

Last Night

* Decided to set the ambiance in the room with a couple of candles

* Had a beer and slept like a rock

This write up of the True New Zealand is very thought provoking since both my wife and I have thought “What a wonderful place it must be to live!”

* Decided to take the 13 yr old, the 20 mth old, the wife and myself to Old Navy and buy the kids some clothes. The 13 yr old of course stays in the car knowing that most shopping he finds boring and usually ends in disaster. I think he simply gets over stimulated by the crowds, the lights, the noise (particularly the noise), and entirely too much information to process at once. In this way, he and I are very similar. There are times that I just have to get away from that kind of environment.

* After shopping, (we forgot to go in the pet store) we headed to Texas Roadhouse to discover a 45-50 minute wait..this is Knoxville of course – land of more restaurants than people but somehow they are always a 45-50 minute wait..except for IHOP which had immediate seating and knows us by name. Not only KNOWS us by name but knows when the baby was born!

I am altogether too intolerant of the 13 yr old right now. Far too quick to call names and allow myself to be irritated by his presence.

Right now I feel hollow inside. I have that urge to do something but am lost as if I was in an enclosed stadium with the lights out and I’m looking for the key to get out.

* Just dropped a log on one of our wood chairs and dented the chair. I guess I should be grateful that it didn’t splinter the wood; at least I don’t have to take 3 hours out of my day to repair it..I just have to live with the constant reminder that I can’t do something as simple as carry a log without screwing up.

Read an article that the current thinking is that we use about .01 percent of our brain. I feel like I use .0001 of mine.

* After I got over being so groggy I got to realizing how much I really enjoy getting up and working with the kids in the morning. I began to feel guilty about leaving the baby to play in her crib so long. I also began to feel guilty over the role reversal concept. My wife does so much to make sure the kids are ready for school and to hold this family together. She deserves more.

Rushed to dress from 9-9:15 went to meeting on the 13 yr old’s theaputic horse riding and was there 2.5 hours. Stopped at a friend’s house on the way home to discuss how we should handle the 1099’s we are receiving from joint work done this past year. Found a gas station with a slopped parking lot and got gas. Must look funny to bystanders to see this guy in a dirty jeep and cowboy hat get out and put the jeep then run to catch up to it as it rolls down the hill, jump in, have tires squeal, then engine start.

Now heading for diapers and pickup the 7 yr old from a party.

A New Day!

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This Morning

* Head real heavy. Almost a dull throb. Wanted to sleep in some but the baby was crying. Wife muttered that she thought the 7 yr old had rescued her and was playing with her. Instead the entire family ignored her pleas to get her. When I got up there, she had thrown all her stuff animals and toys to the floor. I just wanted to sleep in a little one day out of the week. I know my wife probably has similar wishes (dishes, cleaning, etc) Perhaps she would trade me sone such wish so that one day out of the week (or even 1 day every 2 weeks) we do a little role reversing.

Last night

* Followed that tea with a beer

* Could not get the candle lit

Something’s wrong with my head! I went upstairs to get a beer and mellow in front of the tv instead I return downstairs with a large glass of extra sweet highly caffeinated tea. (washing machine sounds like a barking dog—budget another $400)

I find it quite amusing that our heavily medicated child thoroughly enjoys Fantasia (last chance to buy for 7 years) while our unmedicated children would rather have nothing to do with it. (sic. not entirely true. The 7 yr old in stunned amazement declared “It’s a cartoon!”)