Year: 2004

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Dungeons and Dragons

Tommy and I went to his friend’s house to play Dungeons and Dragons. Tommy maintained and was in good control. Only once did he try to sneak up to his friend’s room prompting his friend to ask him not to. He knows better. Overall, an exceptional adventure and an exceptional evening.

I wish I had played Rune Quest more in college.

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Hot Fun

Took the crew including Molly to the park. Noah had a metal detector in hand, Amy fell asleep in the car, Tommy had his airplane, Sarah had Molly, Cathy had Amy, and I had a mission.

Sarah immediately started to tie Molly up so I took Molly. Tommy and I went off and flew his plane. It worked well until one crash caused the wings to quit opening. One more toy for me to repair.

Amy woke of course and went to declaring all the play ground equipment, “hot!”

Pre-teen Sarah bored quickly and declared, “the mall is more fun than the park.”

Tommy grew weary of shooting a plane in the sky that would not open its wings.

Noah sought Tommy and I out.

Molly got released within the ballfield since it was totally contained but instead of running wildly she stayed by my side. Tommy said, “wee! Look at her. She’s so happy. Look at her run!” This said while she walked slowly toward the gate as if begging to be let out.

We actually had a pretty good time and Molly was so worn out that she slept hard most of the rest of the day.

  

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Angry Times

There was a time in my life where anger controlled everything I did. People jumped when I said jump, I motivated myself, things got done, my debt was small and my finances managed. Although angry, these were relatively happy times. I was in control.

I came to a point where my anger was directed inward and I was unhappy with my treatment of others. I went to the mountains and had a long talk with myself. I had several meditations. I participated briefly in non-mainstream religion focused on the earth, spirit and peace. I made a conscious decision to cut anger out of my life completely. I would go with the flow and accept whatever destiny tossed my way.

I also made a decision around this time to quit feverously seeking a mate. I would date and I would date everything with curves that showed the slightest interest. I had a university with somewhere around 16,000 women to conquer and I had the mindset that I would do just that!

Isn’t it funny how when you quit looking for something it comes right to you. In all my times of chasing women, the times they actually desired me the most were the times I didn’t want them.

Enter my first wife. We dated once. On our second date, she was “too tired to drive home” so my roommate and I being incredibly laid back and carefree said the same thing we would say to anyone else, “sure, stay over.” She never went home again. At one point, a week or two later, my roommate and I flat out asked her to go home (we were running out of clothes at an incredible rate). She went home and came right back. It wasn’t long before I was angry again and yelling frequently. At one point she explained, “I communicate by yelling.” The next 7 years of my life would have lots of yelling.

Of late I’ve been biting my tongue so hard that it bleeds and trying my darnest to make sure that I am not unnecessarily outlashing at anyone. Of course I have failures and afterwards I mentally beat myself to a pulp for my weakness. The failures are mostly around the kids and family although I recently flipped a radio station van the bird. Considering that one and perhaps 2 other incidents that I quickly corrected, I can think of almost no road rage in the past many years of my life. I’ve twice been threatened with a gun over road rage incidents in my early 20s – once it took me a couple of minutes to process that the guy was offering to shoot me; the other time I begged him to try.

Since high school drywall has not stood a chance against me except in the rare case that their ally the two by four jumps into the fight. Cider block proves to be a much more worthy adversary but not for lack of trying; fortunately I never broke my hand but I certainly thought I did a couple of times. We have one wall that remains a memorial to such stupidity although I cannot remember if it happened during this marriage or last. I do know that I have had the urge on more than one occasion but I have definitely resisted successfully.

Perhaps I should return to just being an angry person all the time. Happy seems like so much work with so little gain.

Let me be the enemy! My family will rally against me but they will be unified and they will be stronger for it.

I do not like anger.

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A New Day! Let’s start the day off with a PayPa…

A New Day!

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This Morning

Last night Tommy and I had a great time at the game. It wasn’t until we were within 20 feet of the car that he decided to have his meltdown.

This morning I felt like I’d been run over by a truck due to the yardwork, the awkward seating in the stadium (sardines++), the huge amount of walking, and the late hour. I came upstairs to chaos and instead of helping I added to the chaos by getting upset.

Today needed productive. Either it needed to be all programming or the kids needed to get to a park. I wanted to take my wife to a matinee movie. Instead, it is going to be shot to hell.