Month: May 2005

This morning I made the mistake of leaving the dog unattended while I drove Sarah to school. I left my books with my glasses on them within dog’s reach. I now have a nice hairline verticle scratch down the center of the right lense. I thought I wouldn’t notice but its hard to miss. I guess these 8-10 year old glasses need replacing anyway. Maybe in the Fall.

Ever get behind on your mail? 

I was around 15 years old. My best friend’s family had me as a guest to a beach house at Ocean City, New Jersey. At this point in my life my hormones were raging. There was one constant thing on my mind. Swelling inside of me. The frustration causing my temperature to rise and my heart to pump, pump, pump with sweat pouring down my body until all was ready to explode!

My southern accent in New Jersey drew one of two reactions. Humor or ridicule. My friend’s father found it humorous and commented to me, “Doug, you’re the kind of guy that I’d expect to walk up to a woman and say ‘howdy ma’am! Wanna get laid?'” And it suddenly dawned on me that I’d never used that line. A mere couple of hours later my friend and I (and some others I don’t remember) were on the hunt. Five of us were crammed into an MG Midget, topless and shirtless of course, cruising down the strip looking for babes. We hooted, cat called, hollered, whistled and otherwise flushed out our prey. The hunt was ripe! The savannah was fresh and certainly not barren.

We parked and broke down into teams as five would easily startle even the most experienced of the tenderloins. I quickly honed in on my target, aimed my bolt and fired. The words poetically cascaded through my lips, bolstered by the charming twang of my southern accent, “Howdy Ma’am..Wo..Wo” and my string broke. “Would you like to go see a movie tonight?” She replied, “yes” and we parted company until the evening.

I never did get laid on that trip but we sure did have one helluva popcorn fight in the closed balcony of that movie theatre. I’ll never remember the movie as we were removed from the theatre shortly into the flick but man did we ever have some good laughs and share some strong kisses for one evening walking barefoot on the Jersey shore.

n.b. She later confided that she accepted my invite because no one had ever said “Howdy ma’am” to her before.

Want to see a spy plane?

This morning I hear tap tap tick tap. Amy says, "What is it?" I answer, "a stapler" as she continues gently pressing my red streamline stapler together. Amy, "Can I have it?" and grinning all I can say is "doo dooo do no do not don’t please don’t take mu mu my st stapp stapler"

At the zoo event on Saturday I ask Amy if she wants to say “Free ice cream” over the microphone. She stood up tall and with great confidence and seriousness clearly announced, in a toddler’s patentable squeakish voice, “Free ice cream on the stage. Free ice cream for everyone. Free ice cream.” I was stunned! Granted, most people in the tent probably needed a translation but to a parent the words were quite clear and of her own creation! She did it twice more.

Noah approaches me and asks if he can make the announcement. I say sure and hand him the microphone. He stepped away from me, got an impish grin on his face and loudly blurted out “Free ice cream” in the most demonic voice, chuckling all the while.

Tommy turns to me with wild eyes and a wicked ear to ear grin and says, “Can I say it?” to which I firmly reply, “no!”

I hate getting to this time of day (10:30pm) and realizing there’s more than a day’s worth of work ahead of me. I really need sleep.

I called my grandfather on my father’s side Pop. He was a three pack a day smoker and died of cancer around age 64. My grandmother is 86 and strong. Today I walked out of a restaurant behind a person that was not smoking but obviously has quite a habit and for a moment I caught a whiff of that distinct smell. That aroma of my grandfather. It was not unpleasant and came with a flash of good memories.

For some reason yesterday was a hard day. I’d planned on sleeping at The Lost Sea Friday night then immediately going to the zoo and juggling from 10am – 2pm. Michael Messing the Magician performed from 11-11:30. He does such a wonder show! We are fortunate to have his help. We gave out ice cream from 12pm to the end of the event and I juggled about 1pm.

When I can’t really remember an age to associate a memory with I usually lump the memory in 12 years old or 8 years old. 12 had to be my favorite year with 8 being a close second. Somewhere around one of these ages I had my first heat stroke. I think it was at a miniature golf course in Mytle Beach, South Carolina. I fainted and was ill in many ways.

Yesterday I did not think I worked all that hard. I mostly tried to just enjoy the event but I came real close to those feelings I had on that miniature golf course so long ago. The afternoon I crashed hard. In the evening I took Tommy to see Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy with his friend and returned to crash again. Since I wasn’t sure if I had a virus I slept on the couch. My skin was hot all the while I had chills. Today I’ve been one tremendous ache. I suppose I’m just that out of shape and doing my routine in the heat of the day yesterday was too much for me. I must begin exercising again.

Laundry

Molly told us she had to go out and we ignored her. Poop to clean.

Outlook is causing MS Word to crash and reporting as a problem with HP’s print driver. This means to send email I have to reinstall MS Office. Delays. Delays. Delays.

I know I’m stressed despite my efforts to remain calm. These next 48 hours are ridiculous. Right now I feel like I’m trying to be "all things to all people" and that’s impossible. I don’t know what to let go. Do I skip the caving trip to give myself more time to clients and paperwork? I really want to see Noah crawling around in those narrow spaces. Do I flat out tell one client that we need to talk Monday instead of today? I really just want to sleep.

Today: paperwork (4-8 hours), client 1 (3 hours), client 2 (20 hours), juggling practice (1 hour), cave supplies (1.5 hours), other shopping (2 hours), seeking entertainers (.5 hour), various phone calls (.75 hour), unplanned diversions (2 hours)

Guess what number most people will play on the Pick 3 tonight!

The Love of My Life points out that if the baby were to come today it would be our fifth child on the fifth day of the fifth month in the year 2005 (5/5/5). And if we could have timed it for 5:55 (am or pm) that would have beautiful! Suppose I should have been doing some coaxing.

Amy after an extended stay in the tub and holding hands up with fingers spread: “Look at my fingers! They’re grandmas!”

Don’t look at me. I’ve never said it!