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Let’s send Sarah and Cathy to Blogher!

I have tried Chipin a couple of times without success. Of course, the vasectomy chipin was a huge failure but did remarkably better than the new dryer chipin. I thought I would give Chipin one more try with a cause that is less about me and more about others, albeit, others close to me. See, we have three female bloggers in the house. Cathy blogs at Domestic Psychology. Sarah blogs on her own website. And Amy blogs on her own website. Granted, Amy and Sarah don’t post very frequently and sometimes their content is lacking a little substance, but they try. Amy’s composition and typing skills are age appropriate and Sarah would rather be on Facebook or MySpace.

Cathy would love to have the opportunity to participate in a convention. Blogher Nashville would be perfect! And I think Sarah would really enjoy it too. So I am giving Chipin one more try. Let’s send the girls to Blogher Nashville! Please consider contributing to their registration fees and hotel. Thanks! (I have also put a widget in the sidebar)

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Tonight’s Stalls

Tonight we began enforcing school time bedtimes to get everyone acclimated to the changes coming next week. Tommy has a "get up" time rather than a bedtime; he’s really on his own. Sarah will probably sneak Breaking Dawn in bed. Noah pulled a complete evasion by shooting off to a friend’s house for a sleep over. Amy fought hers hard jumping from bed to bed, having tantrums, refusals, screaming, and tearing up her sisters room decor. Evan pulled the "I gotta poop" stall and enhanced it with the "I need a bandaid" the moment he hit the crib. He turned on alligator tears for added affect but only scored about a 60 second delay with that one as opposed to a 20 minute delay from potential poo.

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Look out for the 53 car!

Herbie van 53Looks like I’m working remotely via a borrowed laptop today. I am taking my daughter to the DMV to get her learner’s permit. She has already declared that she doesn’t want to learn how to drive from me because "that would be annoying." When I asked, "What wouldn’t be annoying? Do you want me to just sit quietly and let you get in an accident?" I got silence in return. I think Miss Know It All thinks she already knows how to drive and would just like to get behind the wheel and go with no one else in the car. This should be interesting.

Now, if you see the 53 van, one of the most recognized vehicles in Knoxville, swerving down the road, hitting curbs, driving against traffic, and running people off the road, it is probably Tommy or Sarah (or me texting). And we apologize.

Update: Failed eye examine keeps another teenager off the road. Our eye doctor won’t see her until October. Looking into other solutions.

Update: I’ve painted an old cane of mine red and white New glasses and am going to see if they’ll let Sarah take the test without the eye exam under the American Disabilities Act on the premise that she is blind.

Update: After many hours of struggle, a lot of attitude, a 16th mortgage, and two eyeglass stores later, Sarah can see clearly now..the rain is gone.

 

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From the mouths of babes

Conversations that before you were a parent you never imagined really happen and in hindsight can’t believe you had:

Dad, agitated: "Noah did you go to the bathroom downstairs when you got home from school?"
Noah, exasperated: "No."
Dad, perturbed: "Tommy did you poop downstairs?"
Tommy, annoyed: "NOoooo Daaad."
Dad, disbelieving: "Sarah, did you go to the bathroom downstairs?"
Sarah, sharply: "Nope!"
Dad, grasping at straws: "Amy did you use the potty downstairs?"
Amy, lying: "Nuh uh."
Dad, befuddled: "No one used the bathroom downstairs but there’s a giant poop in it?!"

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Finally at my desk!

None of the children made their bus today. That means I drove to an elementary school, a middle school, and the high school (twice) because one of the high schoolers grew ill and required a stop at Target for medicine. That one was not contagious and refused the offer to stay home. Ok. I’ve filled my Monday crap quota. Can I have the rest of the day in peace to get some work done?

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Morning Ritual Broken

When I get up in the morning I brew coffee. Really I brew it whether I want coffee or not. I brew about 2/3‘s a pot. This morning I see my 14 year old daughter leave the house with a 32 ounce insulated mug and it doesn’t phase me until I step into the kitchen to pour my joe and have to get a step ladder to pull the carafe off the ceiling. It is so light it’s floating! I guess the time has come to start brewing a full pot again. I hate seeing teenagers drink coffee but if it makes them feel more grown up that’s fine by me.

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Ah Yesterday, seems so far away…

Note: If you don’t want to read this, you can get the summary by reading how to turn a $2 pair of scissors into a digital camera.

Morning begins last night

Got home at 2am and went to sleep. Woke at 4am to clean up puppy poo. Went back to bed.

Work and paperwork

Woke decently early to do some programming and file taxes for Tommy’s student loan paperwork. Decided a bath was in order and if I pushed it I could still pick Sarah up at 11am. Didn’t push it.

Taxi service and administrative admin

Follow the white rabbit!Got Sarah at 11:20am but the mother and everyone left (2 more girls) but Sarah and the party girl were still sleeping. Embarrassed Sarah by calling her emo on the phone in a call to a hair stylist. Made an appointment for 2:30pm. Got home to find out that Sarah and her friend wanted to do this hair stylist thing together. Why didn’t Sarah say that in the car? Tommy also has a D&D game at Books-a-Million at 2pm. Called stylist again further interrupting her from her present client. Moved appointment to 3:30pm as a joint appointment. Sarah tells the plan to the friend. Friend’s mother calls and person she talks to can’t find them on the books so she makes their appointment for 2:30pm. I call the other mother on my left holding phone to left ear. On another phone, on the right ear, I call stylist back further interrupting her present client. We sort things to 2:30pm. Girls rush to prepare themselves. As I realize that of the quarter inch of paperwork, I only have to turn in a single sheet for Tommy’s student loan and it must me postmarked today! The post office closes at 3pm. That answers the, "who is going and who is staying?" question.

Mobilization!

The house erupts into chaos as commands are shouted and all hands work to dress small children, inspect faces, comb hair, walk dogs, load diaper bags, find trench coats (Tommy just watched The Matrix for the first time), and roll out. The sick one happily volunteers to stay home talking on the phone and playing on the computer and sorta watch the dogs.

Road trip

Fortunately we started on the back roads which were traffic free and spat us out at Books-a-Million at 2:02 right as one of Tommy’s friends were unloading. The others were just in the door of books a million and were happy to see Tommy. It is so nice to see Tommy with friends. We turn east on Kingston Pike noting that westbound is at a standstill for no apparent reason. High-tech salon floorAt 2:15 Sarah and Cathy are deposited at High-tech Salon. After spending several minutes convincing Amy to put her seatbelt back on, we are speeding off to the post office but first a challenge. As we approach the intersection at the mall, the traffic signals are flashing red and yellow. Eastbound has 2 turn lanes north, 3 lanes east, and 1 turn lane south. Westbound has 2 turn lanes south, 2 lanes west, and 1 turn lane north. Southbound has 2 turn lanes east, 2 lanes south, and 1 lane west. Northbound has 1 turn lane east, 2 lanes north, 1 turn lane west. Everyone is trying to go at once. If I was alone and had a whistle I would have gotten out and directed traffic! Instead I used my handy dandy aggressive driving skills to brown a few shorts and wiggle my way through the cluster duck unscathed. We make it to the post office and get our paperwork postmarked with certified delivery with time to spare.

Home for calm

Amy, Evan and I return home to give Evan a nap, check on the sick one, make sure the dogs have been walked and left me focus. A few minutes later I get the call that the grandparents are on their way to pickup Amy and Evan. I rush to the church clothes out, diaper bag prepared, and pull up a hay bail to try to cover some of the muddy yard but the hay is wet, moldy and unusable. Our front yard has degraded into such a mess I am considering having some sod delivered despite my desire to have an eco-lawn. A bouncy Amy is loaded into the grandparents car; a zonked, sleeping Evan is also loaded into the car. And I decide to check on the girls.

The Land of Esoteric Businesses

under the dryers I arrive at High-tech Salon to see smiles on staff, clients and mothers. My girl is sitting under a hair dryer having aluminum foil glued into her hair. Her friend is resting on a sink. I relax in a hair dryer chair and kick my feet up for a few minutes before deciding I should go exploring. The shopping complex was very interesting. Leaving the salon I found a business about the size of my kitchen that was another salon but completely in Spanish. Beside that was a Spanish travel agency. Across the parking lot was an Indian grocery which intrigued me. I walk in "Marahba!" The owner looks up at me, "What you want!" Oops. Hello in Hindi is "nameste." Peruse and leave. Ignore the Spanish grocery or is that a Spanish employment agency. Look! Something in English. Driving school. The same strip actually has two driving schools which speaks volumes. It also has two different consignment stores and a chocolate factory. I decide to find some umpa lompas.

Sweets for the sweeties

Sarah's new doAfter deciding on some chocolate for Cathy, I realize my wallet is in the car. I return to High-tech to confirm that I still have time to buy them sweets and in the process I get several other orders for chocolate. We get Cashew Wispers, dark chocolate dipped cordials, milk chocolate dipped cordials, dark chocolate caramels, milk chocolate caramels, chocolate covered peanut butter and one with rice crispies in the batch, and I decide a little fudge is in order for me. I finish as the the girls finish and I almost don’t recognize Sarah! Her make-over went really well.

Resupplying

The shelves have been barren far too long and Tommy is not finished. We have handed Sarah off to the grandparents and decide to go to Sam’s. I really don’t know how our family would get on without Sam’s Wholesale Club! Nothing feels quite as good as buying one package of toilet paper (72 rolls) that I know will last us an entire month. Of course, I rarely enjoy the cash register. I can usually predict the total and I swoon. But the dry goods will last most of the month and the food a week.

Evening meltdown

I prepare dinner. Call the boys to the table but they are each too caught up in their games. Their loss. Cathy and I enjoy a meal together and eventually the boys show up complaining, "we never hear you." I am pitiless. We have dinner roughly the same time each night besides I kept their meal warm. After a long day my logical side wants to settle into the computer and get some work done. My brain is fried and all I can settle into is the television and bed. Typical Saturday. It was fun!

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And what a merry Christmas it was!

Merry ChristmasTo all to whom I have not responded, thank you for your well wishes!
To all to whom we did not send a card, you were not forgotten! There was probably a technical reason like needed your address or my mad cow caused me to fail to get you on Cathy’s master mailing list.

Miracles and angels came through to help pull together our Christmas at the last minute. The children were well gifted and very happy with their presents. iPod nanos..the gifts we didn't buy We had a wonderful visit from both sets of grandparents and Aunt Kelly.Cathy and I promised to be budget minded and agreed to not buy each other anything which is why we are both now the proud owners of new iPod nanos. We both cheated feeling the other was well deserving of a new toy.

dreaming of Santaafter Santastockings filled with caremagic sparklesMax and RubyYou'll shoot your eye out!

Each year it seems one of the children gets a bum deal. This year it was Sarah’s turn. Both Tommy and Sarah received new office chairs for their desks from their grandparents. They were thrilled! I prompted Tommy to hold off on assembly until I could help him. Sarah did not heed my warning and broken open the package of numerous parts in the midst of our unwrapping mess and started assembling without checking the parts list nor understanding the instructions. (She’s going to drive like Cathy! "It felt correct to turn this way. NO! I didn’t take a left turn at Albuquerque this time.") We could not find the screws! 6 screws AWOL. We even pulled the trash back inside and went through every piece of wrapping and package that had been discarded. Tommy learned and quickly went over his parts list only to find a critical piece missing. We quickly discovered his critical piece was already attached to his chair. It wasn’t until a day later that Sarah and I drove to Home Depot and purchased bolts and washers that we realized her bolts were already in their respective holes. Sarah's broken toeWe figured this out because we could not get the new bolts to go into them! Doh! She also received a Nabaztag but it still isn’t working. Story to follow. which is finally working! After creating an account at Nabaztag, you can send a message to her rabbit over the Internet or with your phone and it will speak the message to Sarah. Oh, I almost forgot. When assembling the chair, Sarah dropped a heavy part on her foot breaking a toe. Poor Sarah!

SarahEvanNoahAmyGranddaddySarah

The children had a fantastic Christmas and so did Cathy and I. Now back to work so I can finish paying off this one and put away for Christmas 2008!

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Too cool for warmth

The morning jacket report:

The kindergartener had tears this morning because she is attired in these cute blue jean pants with a matching shirt and matching hoodie jacket. But it is frigid outside so she was required to layer her winter coat. Dad, having not put coffee in his body yet, did not have the sense to suggest she put the hoodie in her backpack and wear the winter coat to school then switch. So, she cried because she was wearing a shirt, a lightweight jacket, and a winter coat and just knew her classmates were going to laugh at her because she was wearing two coats! Innocence lost at 5 years old?! At 5 we worry about how others perceive us?! I thought at 5 we just lived to play?

Middle schooler. Umm.. He and I were caught up in trying to solve the Rubik’s cube (which was first marketed when I was in the 6th grade! How circular! My best time ever was 25 seconds in math class.) so I’m not sure if he was even wearing clothing.

High school freshman. 1) Next time she tells me she "didn’t have time to brush her teeth" she can just miss the school bus! 2) She wore her jacket! But pranced off to school in short pants… I would have forced the tooth brushing issue but was too embarrassed at the thought of dropping her off in carpool.

The high school senior made guttural noises at me when I demanded he pick his coat up off the ground. I told him to wear it and he grunted and walked out the door carrying it in his hand.

And yes, I remember been too cool for warmth. Doesn’t change the fact that I’d like to seem them dress appropriately.

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Veterans Day parade was much fun!

Multimedia messageEvan, Cathy, Molly and I picked up Granddaddy and the 5 of us when downtown to watch Sarah march with Bearden High School’s band’s flag team in the Veterans Day parade. We parked in the State Street garage for only a dollar and walked 2 blocks to be near the front of the parade route. The aircraft fascinated me. Multimedia messageI loved the helicopters playing overhead. The vintage planes doing the missing man formation was excellent. As a matter of fact, all the military vehicles were awe inspiring. Evan waved at the tank driving down the street and the turret spun around to wave back at him! Those things move quickly!

Evan was in a foul mood to begin with and getting him to wave took some effort. The nice lady who got near him and showered him with candy helped a lot. After the attack of the "cannie!" he was much chipper and social. About half way through the parade he started to get into the waving.

Multimedia messageMolly was on great behavior but quivered whenever a noisy vehicle or drum section of a band walked by. She was on alert whenever Evan would wander too far. She has to be able to see him and much prefers to be beside him. Multimedia messageShe was a hit with all the police officers and many of the military. You could see them in the parade pointing to her, smiling and chatting amongst themselves. She eventually relaxed enough that I didn’t even have to hold her leash.

I was disappointed in the attendance at the parade. More people should take time to let this parade be their lunch break or to bring their families out. The weather was perfect. The patriotism high! Mardi Gras spoiled me for parades and I never thought I would enjoy this kind of parade again. I was wrong. This parade left me feeling very good!

Btw, Barney Fife was there! He’s great! Don Knots would be proud.

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Calling Marriot Housekeeping

On Saturday the 13th of October, Sarah settled into bed midnightish at a Marriot Hotel near Atlanta. She was traveling with the high school band to perform flags. On Sunday the 14th she awoke unable to find her phone that she had left on top of her luggage so she assumed it was in her luggage (that’s her official story..personally, I think she woke late and groggily shoved everything in her bag and rushed out to see her friends without giving the phone a thought). Sunday at 9pm as she came off the bus I asked, "where’s your phone?" She replied, "In my luggage." On Tuesday, she finally confided that her Motorola RAZR v3xx was lost or stolen.

I scoured her phone and text messaging records. The last number called was to Phoenix, Arizona so there was hope that we had a way to contact the person with the phone. After a few calls and several text messages we figured out that Sarah had actually placed those calls on behalf of a friend. Hope was lost. I contacted the housekeeping manager at the hotel and he confirmed no phone had been turned it. I deactivated the phone. A week later I called again and still no phone. LissaKay comes to the rescue (aided by Twitter) with a replacement phone for Sarah and Sarah flips with excitement spending the next 6 hours customizing the phone.

Yesterday I get a phone call from someone explaining they found the phone! Yea! Housekeeping came through. No, wait, this is guest! The phone, lost on October 13th, was found under the bed by an honest person staying in room 517 on October 29th. It still had power because Sarah had turned it off so the honest person was able to lookup "Dad" and found me. This means that room 517 hasn’t had a thorough cleaning in at least half a month and that for at least 15 guests, assuming the room is occupied every day, don’t check the room very well. Ewww.

Now, who gets the phone? Sarah or Tommy.

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Dear Substitute Bus Driver

If you are going to lie and claim that you stopped at the two stops which you didn’t even slow down for, you better be able to substantiate it! And how is it that your bus appeared so empty? Were no children at any of your stops today? An official complaint has been filed with the transportation department. Next time stop your bus even if you do not see any children at the stop.

If you are a Knoxville parent searching for ways to deal with busing issues, be sure to put the transportation department’s phone number, 865-594-1550, in your cell phone’s address book. We would have fewer busing issues if the school owned the buses instead of contracting them.

Update: The bus did eventually pickup the high schoolers. Turns out their official stop is on the other side of Northshore Drive and roughly 80m (120feet) walk down a busy, overgrown, narrow road with no sidewalks. This would be the section of road with 2 crosses and piles of roadkill. So the substitute driver likely stopped at only official stops. I have to file paperwork to make the stop that the bus has stopped at for at least 7 years into an "official" stop.