Me: “So, Noah, how’s it feel to be gainfully employed?”
Noah: “Pretty good!”
Me: “You know that Weigel’s card in your car you use to pay for your gas directly from your parent’s bank account? Let’s give that back to your mother.”
Noah: “Oh. Okay.”
Noah, complaining to older sister: “They made me give back the gas card.”
Older sister: “What?! They never paid for my gas!”
College girl has come home for Thanksgiving.
Evan, 8 years old: "Mom! Sarah has different boobs. Sarah’s boobs are fluffy."
I’m really hoping I misheard that and he really said "boots."
Or maybe the question should be "what doesn’t a teenage girl do to a car?" Because the answer would be "maintenance."
Today the inside of the Jeep was drenched. I look at the Neon parked in the driveway and recognize that I have not inspected it in quite some time. My simple instruction to the teenage driver was "Make sure it has oil and tell me when any problems arise." I once drove it an eon ago to find that the speedometer worked…sometimes. So this teenage driver was guessing how fast she was going. How she avoided tickets was beyond me. With a little research, I learned it was a common problem among the Dodge Neon’s and the fix was to remove the instrument panel and resolder the connections. She claims to have had no problems with the speedometer after that but the fact she never told me about it in the first place should have been a clue about how future problems would be addressed (er, ignored).
First thing I noticed this morning? No oil! 2nd? Check engine light. The inside of the car is filthy. The trunk/boot is full of what appears to be half Goodwill, a quarter stuff sent home from the grandparents, and 1/4 teen’s stuff. A positive! The tires look great. A negative. The transmission slips (you’d think she’d mention that one). Oh, and the windshield wipers are worthless. But it did perform well on the Interstate.
I suppose if I were a better father, she and I would have spent many a weekend together performing maintenance on the car. Teen driver 2 approaches so I’ll have a chance to do better.
Update 29-March: Changed the oil today. Discovered the transmission had no fluid whatsoever. Not even sure how the car was moving.
So in the past 18 hours:
- My wife couldn’t get off our street due to ice
- Our friend managed to get onto our cove returning our son 11pmish but couldn’t get out
- My neighbor had to use 4 wheel drive to escape the ice
- The postman slid into a neighbor’s yard
- My father-in-law had difficulty leaving the street
- My 17 year old daughter slid her car into our retaining wall and had to climb out the passenger side
- My 17 year old daughter took our van to pick the 5 year old up from school
Waiting with bated breath to hear that the 5 year old makes it home safely and that the van survives.
Oh, and btw, secondary roads in Knoxville are still precarious. This is why schools get canceled.
Despite her grandparents regularly taking her to a Baptist church on Sundays and her boyfriend introducing her to the Methodist church which they regularly attended on Wednesdays, I’ve just realized that my eldest daughter is Jewish. See, she drives a car that burns oil, feh!, and I’m quite certain that it ran out weeks ago…yet it still runs!
Happy Hanukkah! Shalom.
Sarah, entering college in January: "Dad, can I have $1000 tomorrow? Oh, and I’ll need $17,000 in six weeks."
My daughter just passed her driving test. She’s licensed to drive sans parent! Congrats Sarah!
Sarah has a portfolio review today near Nashville for a summer art program where she would get to live at a university and work with some very talented people. This is very important which is why I cringed when I saw Cathy’s tweet:
Why is the teenager dressed like a clown for her portfolio review? [Source, Twitter, @cathymccaughan]
After a grueling day yesterday, I failed to do the standard road checks last night. This morning as the girls were walking out the door, I found a nail in a tire. The same nail I found in the same tire weeks ago and forgot about. No problem! I could plug it in minutes only I was out of plugs. 30 minutes later, I had purchased plugs, discovered McDonald’s at Northshore and Pellissippi still has free air, fixed the tire myself, signed a conversation with an old friend, and had two very upset women driving to Nashville. Good luck Sarah!
I just took Sarah’s temperature, 96.8. I think put my hand to her forehead and it was disturbingly hot! My chin dropped, her eyes rolled, and she raised the hair straightener…
Nothing specific here. I’m just not feeling like a very good father today.
Sarah: "It’s homecoming."
Me: "Have fun tonight."
Me: "Not too much fun!"
Why fathers should skip their daughter’s teen years.
Me: "How are you doing on lunch money?"
Sarah, 16 years old, looks at me like I just asked the craziest question ever: "I dunno."
Me: "You don’t know how much money is in your account?"
Sarah: "Well no. There should be a few days."
Me: "Today, when you buy lunch, could you check on your balance please?"
Sarah, looking very put out: "I guess."
I had my first carpool to school today. School officially starts on Monday with a half day. But today the high schooler had class pictures. She and her best friend are on the outs because of a boy. Isn’t that always the reason? So it appears that I’ll be driving to the high school everyday. (Actually a friend of ours works at the school and has offered to do some carpooling.) Today was a dry run.
Cathy is touring the high schools, the older boys are out of the state, the 7 year old socialite is at a friend’s house, and I’m downstairs trying to work which leaves the teenage girl babysitting the 4 year old boy. So why is the bathtub running? I dread going upstairs to see what mess they are recovering from but I must know!