Reality Me

Category: Daily Life

Ramblings, often stream of conscious, journaling the events of my life.

  • PG-13 means dick jokes

    variety show

    Thank you Bindlestiff Family Circus for making me have to explain "deep throating" to my teenagers.

    Me: "Do you know what deep throating is?"
    Teenager: "Yes. It’s when you swallow something partly then spit it up."
    Me, thinking: *close*

    I enjoyed their stark stares of dread as they tried to melt into the upholstery during my explanation. They needed an explanation because it was clear they didn’t understand when they made a dozen deep throat jokes in front of the grandfather between the theater and the parking garage. Of course, I really appreciate the detail at which you explained the proper use of a condom. I have been trying to figure out how to have that conversation with them and now I don’t need to.

    Cathy's boyfriend

    Thank you for the interesting date for the first half of the show. I certainly would have enjoyed sitting with Cathy but I suppose this is called a variety show for a reason.

    Your show was innovative and right in line with the style I like to attempt in my performances although I’m more G rated. Thank you for keeping the spirit of Vaudeville alive. I had a blast! Of course, Danny would probably like to know that a highlight of the show was having the very Republican father-in-law sit motionless as the theater erupted into its most raucous cheering and applause in response to the very pointed GW Bush jokes.

  • Time to work; can’t.

    I am finally settling in to work. Yes, the rest of the Eastern seaboard is heading out to lunch having already worked half their day. However, I’m so mentally worn out that I’m not sure I can accomplish anything. Why can’t I be more like this guy?

    Sixty-four-year-old Thai Ngoc, known as Hai Ngoc, said he could not sleep at night after getting a fever in 1973, and has counted infinite numbers of sheep during more than 11,700 consecutive sleepless nights.

    “I don’t know whether the insomnia has impacted my health or not. But I’m still healthy and can farm normally like others,” Ngoc said.

    [Source]

  • Do you lie to keep your spouse happy?

    In college, I dated a girl who, along with her mother, went out of their way to lie to her father to keep him happy. I’m pretty sure my sister and mother do the same for my father. Do other people do this? When did happiness, false happiness at that, become more important than truth?

  • That’s my girl!

    I can cross my eyes

    Why yes! She is real.

    I’m thinking she was channeling either Lucille Ball or Pinocchio.

  • Programming challenge!

    I’ve submitted my question to the TinyMCE support forum. Can you figure it out before they can?

  • Stressed? See the Sheriff

    Nothing takes a stressful day and heightens it quiet like having a visit from the Sheriff’s department first thing in the morning. So we are late out the door to get Sarah to school. Evan, Molly and I lead out and I see a non-descript car sitting in the cove. Driver spots me and rolls over to the driveway. Oh hell. I prepare myself for bad news. Sure enough, it’s a deputy here to serve a summons to court on a bad debt but not for me. He gets out. Molly lunges and barks (brilliant!). He’s looking for my ex-wife and despite the number of times I have communicated back to the company trying to collect on her that she hasn’t been here for the better part of a decade, they still tried to serve her at this address. The deputy was very kind and polite and offered to riddle the records with notes that she doesn’t live here. He said hopefully the collection agency will stop bothering us.

  • From the mouths of babes

    Evan discovers the leprosy on my hands and declares: "EEEEeeeew!"

  • Of Being Dad

    What’s that noise? *splash* *splash* *splash* Sounds wet. Oh! I spin around to see Evan, having finished his cereal, patting his hand in the bowl. He looks at me with shifty eyes, "more."

  • From the mouths of babes

    Evan, 2 years old: "AOOooooh NooOOooo!"

  • To Kelly

    Here Kelly. You want attention? Ok you got the attention of the handful of Reality Me readers. I don’t know what you’ve done to screwup Blogger commenting but its a good one!

    So, did you ever go see the school counselor? You know, the one your tuition pays for. The one that you can see anonymously without your parents, the Internet, friends, foes, teaches, and future employers will never know you’ve seen.

    Counseling is part of how we get along in life. Some find counsel in a scout master, their priest, their brothers, an elderly man in the park, a bartender, a teacher, and professionals. There is nothing wrong with seeing a professional counselor and it may very well change your outlook on life.

    Do you want to fix things or do you want things to magically fix themselves? Answer that question for yourself as honestly as possible. Then come see me.

    "The urge to quit will be greatest just before success." -Chinese proverb

  • Flashback to the Arcade

    Thanks to Instapundit, I just had a little flash back to hard earned quarters being sucked into the video game vacuum cleaner Dragon’s Lair with its exceptional graphics and somewhat kludgey game play. I spent a lot of time and a lot of money on that game!

  • Good Fortune

    I find it very cool to be experiencing 07/07/07 07:07:07.07!

    {Insert insightful post here}

    Update: At 07/07/07 07:07:07.07 I was at a Panera that was serving customer 77. I know..I should have taken a picture. The manager claims it was a coincidence that they are always serving customer 77.

  • My Rock Star

    Accoustic Guitar from morguefile

    I just took a little one on one time with Noah to teach him the notes on a guitar, the strings, and how to tune. We used a keyboard to drive home the explanation for when to skip a fret and when not to skip a fret for the correct note. He was a good study. In the end, he put the guitar down because he didn’t want it out of tune when he took it to the grandparent’s house to play with Uncle Danny! That Unc is really important to these children!

  • Are you afeared?

    Ridiculous though it sounds to outsiders, Americans are regularly told that their survival as a free society depends on beating the “terrorists.” They should treat those who say such things as fools or deliberate liars, but they don’t. So the manipulators of public opinion in the White House and the more compliant sectors of the U.S. media will give bigger play to the British bombings-that-weren’t than Britain’s own government and media have, and they will get away with it. [Source]

    If you are afraid, and you are desperate, you can easily be oppressed.

    There has been only one major terrorist attack in the United States since the Oklahoma City bombing in 1995, and that one, on 9/11, is now almost six years in the past. So how have Americans been persuaded that their duty and their destiny in the 21st century is to lead the world in a titanic, globe-spanning “long war” against terrorism?

    “I don’t think the [American people] realize that this has been something that’s been going on for a few hundred years, and our enemies have another 100-year plan,” Thompson continued.

    [Source]

    Update: This seems relevant.

  • It’s good to answer the phone. Sword Swallowing!

    I have this mixed luck. I get some of the most horrendous, ill-timed, apparent "bad" luck. But it is all perspective. Yes, the power went out last night and forced me to experience a 4 hour delay; however, I got some much needed sleep and was of clearer mind for it. I do believe strongly in karma as well as outlook.

    An Irishman was out walking and stepped in some dog poo. He declared, "look at my great fortune! I could have been wearing my good shoes!"

    variety show

    Two weeks ago I asked if we could go to the Bindlestiff Family Circus. JackFM 95.7 put up a contest which I entered and they drew my name! This is exciting on a variety of levels. One, I rarely win anything. Two, the family gets to do something unique and entertaining! Three, I love the Bijou. I even appear in a fund raising video around the time the future of the Bijou was in question. Four, Sword Swalling and JUGGLING! Thank you JackFM!